Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

[Purplelady45]

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

That’s why I come here.

What a bizarre arrangement!

EVERY Friday night he goes round to a single womans house, gets pissed and sleeps over? My DH would never get away with such a mad thing. What time does he roll back in on Saturday?

Frankly, the likelihood of him not sleeping with this other woman is miniscule.

Me too 😂

This is absolute MN gold.

My husband has a sleepover with a single woman every Friday night. AIBU not be happy about this?

I can't think of a single instance where this could ever happen in real life. The way some people live is truly bizarre.

No I wouldn't have a man there without his wife being there out of respect for his wife!!! I would would hate it if a friends wife was sitting at home wondering if there was anything going on between us. Why would I do that to another woman?

I mean, that's even worse. A grown, married man is getting too stoned to get himself home. Every Friday night.

Tragic. I'd probably rather him be having an affair than admit I've married some man-child stoner 😂

He might not be doing anything wrong. But that isn't the point - you're not comfortable with it and that isn't enough to stop him. He doesn't care about you enough to prioritise how you feel..

Well it does. Not everything has to be affairs and LTB.

Affair or not. I'd LTB for getting stoned every single Friday night and not being able to get himself home. That's the type of things lads were doing when I was 18/19, not once you're an adult with a wife at home.

At best he sounds like a loser for a grown man, at worst she's the bit on the side, they haven't always got to be conventionally attractive to shag them.

I wouldn't be happy about this. Trust your gut feeling OP, if you're not happy, ask yourself why - do you truly believe its just friendship? And as he's indicated he's not going to stop even though he knows it upsets you, what does that say about your relationship? The real question is do you stay and put up with it or decide that you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who disregards your feelings so readily?

Staying over a friends of the opposite sex isn’t an issue in itself.

He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home.

Not telling you that he’s not coming home etc is a huge issue.

I don’t understand how you’re compatible with someone who drinks and smokes if you’re not into that.

You don’t need to be in a relationship with the first man you find.
Take time to find someone who actually enjoys similar things to you.

No, just no way would I put up with this shit. I suggest you don’t either.

Whilst there may not be anything going on, it's inappropriate to put yourself in that situation for many reasons, the main one being respectful towards your partner.

This isnt respectful of you. In fact all of what you've said about your partner isn't respectful towards you at all!

What if this woman said she'd had sex with your partner? What then?

Do you have children together? If you go to work early Saturday, what time does your delightful partner stroll on home?

Oh cmon, Op. Have some self-respect.

Oh FFS! - I've heard it all now!

He thinks you need to grow up! what a CF!

:-)

Is that the only other stoner he knows?

No I wouldn’t put up with this. Absolutely no way. And if that a me problem then I’m fine with it, but over my dead body would my husband be spending EVERY Friday night with a woman at her house especially one who has just split up from her husband. I can’t see this is a relationship that would work for me, I’d feel like a mug for a start.

I agree with that 100%.

Op, it is a bizarre situation whether he is having a sexual relationship with the woman or not.

Most men would not do that, unless something is wrong with their marriage they prefer being at home.

Presumably you know this woman, why not speak to her about it and judge her reaction?

Good luck.

Whether he is sleeping with her or not (which he probably is), if you're not comfortable with it then he shouldn't be doing it.

I don't know anyone else who does something like this or anyone else who would accept it!

Yeah I have to agree with this to be honest