School banning banter

[Citrusblast92u]

DS is in year 11. They had a whole school assembly yesterday's entitled 'banning bants', this includes banter between friends. One strike and they're in detention, 2 and they have to attend a workshop, 3 and parents have to attend the workshop, 4 and the police are called.

I asked him what they meant by bants and he said anything that anyone might find offensive. His mates have spent many hours at our house. They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Just after some opinions really rather than an AIBU.

Yabu-banter should be banned
Yanbu-they can't ban banter

How to strip all the fun out of life! It's so sad that people have lost the ability to laugh at themselves.

All through school and every place I've worked thankfully I've always been with teams who have had a laugh, and a lot of that is being able to laugh at oneself and situations. It doesn't involve being mean to anyone.
There is a huge difference between a gentle bit of 'poking fun' and tormenting/bullying someone.

I feel so sad for you DS and his mates that can't grow up having a bit of fun. How awful that they practically can't say anything about someone else for fear of it being misconstrued. Laughter is good for the soul, what are they supposed to laugh about?

Interested in how this will work with teenage girls. I've seen some pretty nasty bullying via casual but viciously cruel critique which the smirking, simpering little Madams who delivered it "never meant to offend" with. They knew perfectly well what they were doing. Rarely in the context of lad style "bantz" but just as problematic.

Phew I'm glad it will only be the lads being pulled up on it because I don't know how me and my sister in law will communicate with each other without it lol

They will ban every friendly interaction between any group of friends but ignore your kid getting beaten up

I suspect this is off the back of the latest amendments to Keeping Children Safe in Education policy.

A lot of ‘banter’, even these days, has homophobic, racist and increasingly misogynist edge to it.

It’s not about banning banter so much as about really encouraging kids to think about what they’re saying.

I see "it was just bantz" as the direct descendant of "Can't you take a joke?"

So taking that to its conclusion if I found the word cunt to be offensive, which I do, then as this is normalised in the work place I should not raise a concern. In addition it would be my fault as I had "taken offence"? How does that support an inclusive workplace?

To enforce a ban, they have to be aware it's happening. So a group bantering harmlessly amongst themselves, not in a lesson, won't be on the radar. It will apply to banter that is disruptive, or which provokes complaints.

As it’s subjective I think they should be teaching how to assert oneself and say when something is offensive to them (when receiving bants) , and how to listen and accept that and apologise when called out on it (when giving bants)

Here you go…from KCSiE

Are teens the snowflakes? The term has been around for quite a while, I thought they'd all be late 20s/early 30s by now.

OP, what examples of banter does your DS and his friends use? I hear my DS joking around with friends sometimes, and what he says to them (on the XBox) works as banter with them, but would not be ok if he said it to people he was not close to.

Yeah, I think you know what I mean and that what I’m referring to above is a 99.9% male socialisation problem.

Agree wholeheartedly with this. That is the difference between banter and bullying.

I think schools should robustly deal with bullying rather than banning banter. Having said that, not condoning clear cases of bullying as banter would be a good start. However, real banter is affectionate and a way of people connecting. I do think some people need to learn to be less sensitive, though. People who are constantly offended are tiresome in the extreme

I agree, and it makes things miserable and muted for everyone else.

I don't teach any more but I taught for twenty years until last year.

I regularly heard boys being sexist, racist etc and passing it off as banter.

One boy in my class said to a girl "I'd like to rape you" and then when she was upset and accused him of sexual harassment said it was just banter.

It's what all the bullies say when accused of bullying. It's just banter miss!

Not to the people you're bullying it isn't.

If your son only does it with his friends and it's never sexist racist etc etc then he's ok.
Plenty go too far.

What kind of banter is going on that the police would get involved @Citrusblast92u?

Even amongst a group of friends, there can be one kid that is the butt of the majority of jokes. Individually... its banter. Over time, it builds up.

I think in our culture it would be impossible to actually ban 'banter'. It's ingrained in us to be sarky and take the piss. However the school are making it clear that students will no longer to able to excuse bullying with the feeble excuse 'it's only banter/we were just having a laugh'.

I think young people sometimes don't actually realise when a running joke or banter crosses the line into bullying. Hopefully this might make them a little more aware of the power of words.

I would say that the school have a bullying problem and are trying to stop it. I’m sure plenty of children happily take the piss out of each other without an issue but for a school to have a policy on it that is so intolerant and involves police action, there has to be more to it than perhaps many parents are aware of.

Majority of banter would fall within misogyny, sexual harassment, racism etc. It is referred to in school safeguarding documentation when talking about child on child abuse.

Imagine you're eleven and you jokingly call your best mate an idiot four times and school calls the police. The officer tasked to deal with it would probably die laughing.

And then call the lot of them silly cunts 😂

Would you be ok with your 11 year old calling his best friend racist and homophobic names?

I’m a teacher. On our safeguarding training this year, there was a section about banter and how it can be viewed as bullying. I imagine the school is implementing a “no banter” policy because banter can be subjective. The recipient may not enjoy it but may not feel they can say they don’t as it’s “banter”.