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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School banning banter

359 replies

Citrusblast92u · 10/09/2024 07:45

DS is in year 11. They had a whole school assembly yesterday's entitled 'banning bants', this includes banter between friends. One strike and they're in detention, 2 and they have to attend a workshop, 3 and parents have to attend the workshop, 4 and the police are called.

I asked him what they meant by bants and he said anything that anyone might find offensive. His mates have spent many hours at our house. They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Just after some opinions really rather than an AIBU.

Yabu-banter should be banned
Yanbu-they can't ban banter

OP posts:
rolloverbeethoven · 12/09/2024 10:25

I'm not convinced. I think it's getting difficult to express oneself without getting into trouble now. Unless you have the "correct " politics, in which case you can be as hateful as you like.

DoreenonTill8 · 12/09/2024 11:14

rolloverbeethoven · 12/09/2024 10:25

I'm not convinced. I think it's getting difficult to express oneself without getting into trouble now. Unless you have the "correct " politics, in which case you can be as hateful as you like.

I do agree with this, and I think this is going to get used actually as a form of bullying and intimidation.
'Oh I can't believe you said that, I'm so hurt and offended, I'm reporting you....'

Longma · 12/09/2024 20:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

AlleycatMarie · 13/09/2024 17:22

Hi @Citrusblast92u I am guessing this policy will allow the school to make a decision on what banter is acceptable. Too much verbal bullying is described as banter, so this policy controls that. But if it’s clear it’s just light-hearted chat between friends I doubt they will be punished. I might be wrong, just my thoughts.

pollymere · 14/09/2024 17:59

Most alleged banter in schools is bullying, racism, misogyny, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc with the students complaining that "it's just banter" if you call them out for it.

I worked in a school where phrases such as "he plays football like a girl" or "that's so gay" would warrant an hour's detention. Amazing how quickly the students managed to stop being offensive to each other.

Badbadbunny · 14/09/2024 19:11

pollymere · 14/09/2024 17:59

Most alleged banter in schools is bullying, racism, misogyny, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc with the students complaining that "it's just banter" if you call them out for it.

I worked in a school where phrases such as "he plays football like a girl" or "that's so gay" would warrant an hour's detention. Amazing how quickly the students managed to stop being offensive to each other.

Nail on the head there. It's about time we stopped all the abuse/bullying being laughed away as banter.

maddening · 14/09/2024 19:20

GoldenNuggets08 · 10/09/2024 07:53

I suppose on it's hard to say when banter stops being banter and starts being mean. Nobody knows how the "banter" is effecting the person it's directed at. I get offended by banter easier than other people and it really annoys me, I really wish I didn't! 🙈 But on the other hand this is going to contribute to the overall problem we have of young people being protected from any form of negativity and then going into adult life with little to no resilience or ability to stand up for themselves because they never had to. (Not that I think bullying should be used to teach this but hopefully you know what I mean by this).

All it takes is one comment too far and someone is annoyed, could lead to someone being upset or could lead to a physical altercation then! It has obviously been risen as a problem by some students.

It is not just the resilience but also the art of conversation and knowing how to apply boundaries yourself - eg understanding and learning through mistakes, understanding when it could go too far and how to pull it back, how to ensure that everyone feels included in the banter and that it doesn't end up being a pile on or inappropriate etc

Goodtogossip · 25/09/2024 16:55

it really all depends on what they're 'bantering' about. What's funny to some is offensive to others so as long as it's fun banter & nothing racist, discriminatory or derogatory surely they can't police everything the kids say?

5128gap · 25/09/2024 17:03

I think that if the main form of communication for boys is insulting and laughing at each other, then a change in culture is overdue. If this ban leads to boys having to find new and more positive ways to interact, and to develop the ability to be witty without needing a victim, then that wont do them any harm. Theres little more tiresome than grown men who can only communicate in banter so the sooner they extend their range the better.

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