School banning banter

[Citrusblast92u]

DS is in year 11. They had a whole school assembly yesterday's entitled 'banning bants', this includes banter between friends. One strike and they're in detention, 2 and they have to attend a workshop, 3 and parents have to attend the workshop, 4 and the police are called.

I asked him what they meant by bants and he said anything that anyone might find offensive. His mates have spent many hours at our house. They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Just after some opinions really rather than an AIBU.

Yabu-banter should be banned
Yanbu-they can't ban banter

Any of you with older teens boys-is banter with their mates just a natural part of growning up? It was for DH and my brother and DS is in that phase now.

Banning 'banter' in school/ on school transport = fine. That's their decision - potentially a good strategy to prevent bullying. In most workplaces, there are limits as to what is considered acceptable behaviour/ language/ 'jokes'.

What happens within your own family/ house is up to you. If two siblings attend the same school, the school cannot reasonably control how they treat each other at home. However your DS isn't related to these friends, and you don't know how they/ their parents will react to 'bantz', so it's probably a good time for him to learn to be more considerate and less of a piss-taker, and think before he speaks.

sorry for the accidental double-posting

@stripybobblehat

neither would a lot of things. Totally irrelevant.

banning genuine banter is ridiculous. Expecting a level of decent behaviour isn't. We managed banter without being OTT
, but that was in an era where we weren't 'offended' by someone else breathing I suppose.

Banter is all too often code for bullying, or for really grossly offensive jokes
And yes, we can do without those.

They're not banning normal sense or humour, or even mildly sarcastic comments.

And yes, everything to do with controlling bullying is based on the perspective of the recipient of the action/comment, not those dishing them out. It's the same basis as diversity issues - so for example it's the minority communities who say when something is unacceptable to be said/done to or around them; not the people who are saying/doing it

I don't think it is. There's a very clear line drawn and I've never heard DS or his mates speak like that.

It isn't.
It's a form of bullying, most of the time.

My work place without banter would be miserable as hell. If the c**t word hasn’t been used or directed at someone or everyone within the first hour on shift, something is up.

Banter is not bullying. It’s very different and is often how people bond. Offence is taken, not given.

Sorry OP, but they might speak differently when they're not with you. Also, there are other folk in the school so it's not just about DS and his friends.

Your child and friends obviously aren't being offensive to each other or those around them what is it that you think they should be doing at school which falls under the banned definition of bantz?

The police won't even attend break ins, they aren't going to give a shit about this.

The school doesn't reply to queries like this. I've not jumped on any bandwagon, I'm interested in people's options. No need to be rude. No one else on the thread has.

Only fools use the sowflake term, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Years ago I read about research that shows when standards around respectful language are articulated and enforced, everyone feels safer and other harassment/bullying issues reduce.

The school are trying something rather positive I think. You can make jokes without resorting to 'bantz'. If your child can't, then that is something to address. Banter isn't usually funny and often indicates low level bullying.

@Citrusblast92u

They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Do you know that every member of the group sees all of it as harmless?

Just email the head, I find it hard to believe the school 'doesn't reply'.

I'm not lying. They don't reply. DS has been there for 5 years and they don't reply. Ironically, communication is incredibly poor.

I've been seriously bullied under the guise of it being "banter"
And unable to articulate that it's bullying because it's "banter" and "everyone does it"

Usually what people excuse as banter is sexiest, homophobic, ageist, racist etc

I'm off to work now. Thanks for all the replies.

Likewise, its a peculiarly British method of communication to be insulting to those who are your close mates - those from overseas often don't understand at all!

In effect the school are potentially asking the year 11s not to talk at all!

And the police are going to be ever so interested in this - if anything the head teacher will be getting a talking to about wasting police time.

Well if they're talking of police they don't mean actual banter - they mean hate speech dressed up as banter.

Well the teachers will be busy trying to enforce that. Completely unrealistic

Same at my DC secondary school. Hard to get any replies from anyone let alone the head.

'Banter' at their age can often include calling each other 'fatty', 'shorty', or 'gay' which, even in jest, is not ok. Perhaps not your son and his friends, but I suspect that however lovely they are, this sort of thing happens out of parents' earshot and is still very common. So I've voted yabu, having had similar discussions with ds's school (Y9) who are desperately trying to de-normalise this terminology. Boys in particular seem prone to this kind of talk and it's time that boys realised it's unacceptable. My advice would be to support the school and send a clear message that there's a very fine line between 'bantz' and offensive, so it's best to say nothing if you cannot say something nice.

I actually think ‘banter’ has a lot to answer for in propagating the ‘lads lads lads’ culture we see far too much of in fully grown adult men. You see it on trains, sporting events, in the streets, in pubs. Loud, rude adult men who think it’s acceptable to occupy more space than they should and bother other people their voices and overbearing behaviour.

Accepting what we low level call ‘banter’ is really what this behaviour is and certainly where is starts. I, for one, am tired of it and glad to hear that boys are hopefully going to be pulled up on it.