Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

I feel like you'd be unreasonable to let the child suffer for the behaviour of the father. It might be even worse for him behind closed doors.

How often do they go out knocking for each other?

Do they knock once and leave if there's no answer?

Has this man previously told them to stop calling round if their child isn't already out?

his kid is not welcome in my home again.

This seems harsh - the child is not responsible for his dad's behaviour. Otherwise YANBU.

Definitely. He was an absolute dick and it must’ve been scary for the children. Why would you punish his child though?

This. What do you imagine that child's life is like if this is what their father behaves like in public?

I completely understand you not wanting your son to knock on his door, but not wanting the child to play in your home seems really rather mean. If the man is unconcerned about losing his temper with young children in public, do you not wonder just a little bit what he might be like behind closed doors?

I wouldn’t exclude his child (if the kids all get along that is). He shouldn’t be punished for his dad’s terrible behaviour (which he’s also on the receiving end of, it’s safe to assume).
I think it’s wise to keep the kids away from his door however. Give that man a wide berth. He’s not worth the conflict.

his kid is not welcome in my home again

WTF? This poor child already has a dad that flies off the handle and you punish him for it?

An adult excluding an innocent child because of something another adult has done? Feels pretty unfair and cruel.

I can understand wanting to limit contact with the whole family but I think it might be a bit harsh on the kid.

that being said, they wouldn’t be allowed near the door or into the house so the onus would be on the other child to come to you.

Same as others it feels very harsh to exclude a child because his father has behaved badly.

Did he say why he shouted when he spoke to the other parent? What reason did he give?

I ask because I remember my mum “calling out” a neighbour who did similar to us as kids. What I had failed to tell her was that we rang the bell repeatedly when they didn’t answer, then eventually leaned on the bell (so it rang continuously) for a good minute until she eventually came to the door and lost her shit.

we were upset at being shouted at but looking back I don’t blame her one little bit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh but otherwise not unreasonable at all to be both shocked and annoyed at the dad’s behaviour.

Fgs leave it, what do you think will happen, you will just get into a slanging match. More trouble.

Move on it happened, nothing you can do except tell the kids not to knock there .

Would so love to hear his side of the story. One doorbell ring and he comes out screaming and shouting. Don't believe it.

Fine to say don’t knock their again, also I think fine to ask the dad what he was playing at - but seems very mean to say the child cannot come in your home (so basically excluding and isolating him).

I guess you’re currently just very upset. Where is the child’s DM in this? Is she around, are you concerned for her/the child?

Yes, why exactly did he shouted and what did he shout? Likely to be unjustified but there mist have been a reason.

I understand you not wanting the child at your house in case it draws his angry dad to come around for one reason or another, but saying he's unwelcome sounds very harsh.

Don't take it out on the kid fgs.

Usually only on weekends. They knock once and leave if there is no reply. He has never told them not to knock. We also have a WhatsApp group which he could have messaged in and told the parents to tell their kids not to knock on if it was ever a problem

I absolutely get why you are angry. Poor kids, getting a fright like that. How old are they?

Like everyone else though, I think yabu to exclude his child. Tbh I’d be more inclined to ensure a neighbour child was welcome at our place if I knew they had a shouty dad.

I'd like to hear the other side, how often are they knocking, have they been told not to by the dad? A bunch of kids knocking on the door is so annoying! If kids want to play out fine but they shouldn't be banging on doors as other families don't appreciate it

This.
Not saying it’s ok to shout but I doubt we are getting the full story here.

Is there a full story that would make it reasonable for someone to shout at a group of neighbour children until they are all in tears?

Exclude the whole family and call the dad out next time you see him.

He had the opportunity to apologise when the parent came round to speak to him. He needs to live with the consequences.

If he behaves like that when children ring his doorbell I dread to think what else he is capable of. Keep your children away from him.

Yeah I just quoted one above 🤷🏻‍♀️