Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

I think it might be best for parents to tell their kids not to go banging on anyone's door, not just the grumpy man. Use some other way of communicating/inviting kids out to play that doesn't involve the children themselves banging on doors.

Don't exclude his child just for this, as everyone has said, because it's not their fault.

As for speaking to the Grump, I don't think confronting him will have a positive effect and might make matters worse. Just have less to do with him.

Plenty of other ways to deal with it. Screaming at someone else's kid is never ok.

Im glad you said this as someone who had a parent just as you describe it was absolutely awful and a very lonely life. I suffered so much social anxiety due to not being able to make friends because of it. OP, please don’t punish the child because their dad is unreasonable it’s not their fault.

Totally. Would be different if it was their darlings getting yelled at for knocking on a door. It's not like they set the bloody house on fire.

For all you know, this dad could have had terrible news, a row with the mum or his own parents or any number of reasons why he shouted.

Yes, it's not right or nice but give him some slack.

We ALL have bad days when a knock on the door might be the last straw.

The person who wondered about what he is like behind closed doors is valid in raising this concern.

A safeguarding issue perhaps?

FGS this appears to be the first time ever.

You have no idea what he was thinking.

Maybe he'd just had some terrible news about someone's health.Or lost his job, or whatever.

MN is another world sometimes.

In which case he would just apologise and say about his bad news or other cause. Not justify it later.

I would tell my kids not to knock on that door again. The child would be welcome in our house. He hasn't done anything wrong!

You really do need to wobble your head.

This is just ridiculous.

Dad shouts at a load of kids who knock at his door and people are suggesting SS?

@Girlslikepearls we definitely agree on your last sentence that's for sure

You’ve already said this once upthread. MN isn’t “another world” there are just those who have experienced people like the man who is described and sadly there are a lot of children at risk because of people who choose to behave like this. None of those reasons you listed make it acceptable. It’s simply not on.

No excuse for making a whole group of kids cry. In truth I wouldn't talk to him about it. I'd freeze him out. See if there's any contrition from him. If not, just avoid him like the plague. I'd give the rest of the family a pass since they have to put up with the jerk.

My friend at school had a dad like the one you describe. My mum made it crystal that she was always welcome at our house.

He's still like it now at 85.

Meanwhile we have been friends for 45 years.

Oh absolutely I get it’s annoying. But just tell them calmly not to do it again. Don’t go out and blow your top at them terrifying them and making them all cry. That’s absolutely uncalled for

@Hyperbowl ridiculous isn't it. That person was quoting me and I only said it's unacceptable. unbelievable that people would excuse someone shouting at kids. We've all been through some shit and would never shout at other peoples kids if we are reasonable people, but let's all feel sorry the poor little man who was disturbed by door knocks

When they're knocking for another child do all 5 of them chap the door?

Or just 1 child in a normal manner?

I'd guess they were all standing there knocking several times making a racket for him to behave like that.

It's always somebody else's fault on MN. If your kid is being a nuisance deal with it. Don't leave it up to other folk then complain.

Dreadfully OTT behaviour from the father; but try not to take it out on his child. As mentioned, one can only guess what goes on behind closed doors in that house.
The knee-jerk reaction from you is understandable, very, but think carefully before you ban his child, a friend of your kids, from playing in your home. Who knows? It might be the only time the child feels safe and happy for a bit. I also wouldn't approach the dad. If he didn't offer a reasonable excuse for shouting at the kids ( he might be ill, trying to sleep, who knows) then just leave him be, teach your kids there are some places to avoid, but again, don't ban the child if his behaviour has been good.

I couldn’t agree more. It is absolutely unacceptable. I feel for that poor child he must be so sad and embarrassed. To be ostracised by another adult who should know better than to treat them in contempt for the actions of his father who instead could treat him with kindness and compassion. But all of us who think this way are crazy and need to “give our heads a shake”. 🥴

his kid is not welcome in my home again....

well how petty is that? its not the childs fault his dad behaved like that! and of course we don't know how many times the kids have knocked on and been told no, not today! you say that your child follows the rules and only knocks on once.. but i bet they do not!

if you have a group of say 9 children, and each child knocks on once, and then the next one knocks on once.. if you do that maths, that 9 children knocking on and being told no!... so i can understand why this dad has yelled!

all parents, dads and mums, get fed up at some point! i bet there's a back story i have missed

This! WTF is wrong with people on here? If my DC had been banging on a neighbour’s door and making a nuisance of themselves enough for the neighbour to shout at them it would have been me sending them round to apologise. As for those suggesting referring to social services FFS, get a grip! 🙄 No wonder so many kids these days are feral or have issues with resilience.

This made me laugh. Agree one occasion of man getting pissed off with kids knocking on his door doesn't mean there's abuse going on at home the leap is extreme. The school safeguarding would be secretly rolling her eyes they have real problems to deal with!

Maybe he's told them before and had finally just had it. "Gentle" and "calm" don't work with some kids.

Parents always want the "village" concept when it benefits them but not when it comes to the original meaning of the term, which is that all adults are free to rebuke and correct children, to shape their characters.

so it would be ok if it had been the mum doing the shouting and screaming! no, if a womam had shouted there would be alsorts of excuses.. long day with the kids, no support at home, money worries, mh issues.. the list would be endless.. but because a man shouted its inexcusable!!

if my kids came home crying cos a neighbour shouted at them.. i would be asking why?