Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

Honestly? I doubt that they just knocked once, and/or there wasn't a lot more to this than just a knock on the door. Of course your children will say they only knocked once. But there had to be blue then this. We're they shouting/squeaking loudly under his window? Playing on his drive?
But to be honest I don't think you'll get the full story from your kids (or his perception of what was going on before he came to the door).

If there's a WhatsApp, I'd contact him and say you understand that he had to tell the children off, and could he let you know what the problem was.

Sounds like there is some missing info. It’s unhinged just to open the door and scream at kids, or anyone really. Surely more to it.

Whilst it's a good idea for them not to knock I also wouldn't punish a child for the actions of the parent.

He said they shouldn’t have been knocking. The other parent went round and said he corroborated the kids story. That they all knocked on and he shouted at them for knocking on.
He didn’t say they’d knocked on repeatedly and the kids said they didn’t.
They’ll give the door a good bang with the 5 of them so I know what that’s like. But there’s no reason to scream and shout at them. If you don’t want them there just say not today. Or don’t knock on here again and they wouldn’t. They are all good kids and they do what they are told

This may well not be the full story. I remember how irritating it was when my kids were young and the knocks on the door could be every few minutes. Are you sure they hadn't knocked repeatedly?

Even if it is the full story, why are you punishing his child because the father is a dickhead? That is very petty and unkind of you. Just tell your kids to stop knocking on his door, but don't ban his kid if they come to your house, especially with others.

I have to agree with what pretty much everyone has said - of course don’t confront him, and don’t have your child knock on his door, but please please don’t exclude his poor child! Like a pp I’d be more inclined to spend extra time with him to make sure he’s ok.

They’ll give the door a good bang with the 5 of them so I know what that’s like

Well there you are. It's annoying if five kids all bang on the door at once. Maybe he was working, maybe he was just irritated. If five kids hammered on my door, I'd be annoyed too.

So all 5 kids generally bang on the door?!

I didn’t either. Which is why another parent went round to speak to him and ask what they actually did. But he said the same story as the kids. We said to them you must have kept bothering him or kept knocking etc. They denied it. He said the same thing they did. They knocked on once and he yelled at them for knocking because they shouldn’t have been. Even though they’ve been knocking on for almost a year

Like to hear the other side of the story here. ..

But there’s no reason to scream and shout at them.

Again, you don't know that he screamed. That's the kids version. And shouting at them, while disconcerting, isn't screaming.

They’ll give the door a good bang with the 5 of them so I know what that’s like

Thats rude in itself, if 5 kids were banging on my door every weekend and occasionally in the week then I would be pretty pissed off about it too.

I wouldn’t shout at them but that does sound very irritating if you’re trying to relax in your own home.

Is there a background story like a baby in the house or he works (night) shifts?

Tbh if he doesn't have form for flying off the handle or being an arsehole to his family or others, then I'd assume they caught him on a bad day /bad moment and let it be for now.

The mum is around. Don’t see or speak to her as much though

Unless this is a regular occurrence, I don't see how this makes him a dickhead or a danger to children. Everyone has bad days or gets stressed out, and the kids should have knocked politely, not all banged on the door. Tell your kid to knock not bang, and chalk it up to a bad day.

Why won’t you answer why you’re excluding an innocent child? Your meant to be an adult it’s not the kids fault his dad is like it!

Yep I wouldn’t let them knock again. But it’s not his poor kids fault. In fact that kid has to live with that kind of behaviour a escape with friends is probably what that child needs!

Yeah. Probably displayed a bit of impatience with five of them hammering on his door. Probably did not “scream and shout”. I know some people are utterly deranged but most are not.

I wouldn’t let them knock on his particular door again but it’s horrible, childish and quite pathetic to say you won’t have the child in your home again, a child who’s done absolutely nothing wrong and potentially doesn’t have the happiest home life if his dad is so inclined to fly off the handle.

Actually I’ve just recalled being a teen and knocking at a friend door and her mum opening and going utterly nuts at me (with hindsight her mum had MH problems - but I didn’t grasp that) and it terrified me so imagine it was really upsetting for the kids.

Don’t punish the child for the behaviour of the father.

Exactly. My dad did this. We never had anyone round.and no one knocked for us anymore. He was a horrible bully.

Fgs, How do you think kids used to call for each other, in the days before playing out was deemed a bad thing and everything had to be micro managed by parents?

So you're not going to acknowledge the fact that you're punishing a child for the actions of their parent?

That can't be a safe home.
Do you know what school the child of this angry man goes to?
I would contact the safeguarding lead of the school and report the extreme anger. I'd talk the neighbours into doing the same.

Please don't exclude the child from your home. He or she needs support and friendship.