Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

Maybe that's how the dad will learn, when he sees his kid being excluded. It isn't right, but that might make a difference

this

I am thinking this too. There has to be a back story and I doubt that we will ever hear it.

My money is on him finally losing the plot after having 5 children banging away on his front door for the umpteenth time this summer.

It still doesn't excuse him yelling at children until they cry. People knock on doors all the time, it's a perfectly normal thing to do. I bet he wouldn't have yelled at a male delivery driver.

I've had some days where a knock on the door has woken up a baby that I've spent hours getting to sleep. But I wouldn't dream of yelling at the person who knocked, that's unhinged.

How old are they OP? I can understand the crying if it was one singular child knocking then getting shouted at. But I'd say getting shouted at by someone's dad as a group is very different.

Yes, the shouting is definitely OTT but there's a chance here to teach your child some social cues/street smarts. In this case let your son kindly know that his friend's dad probably didn't appreciate a bunch of them banging his door and not to do it again.

me too... ofcourse the OP's child will be a little darling! i'd be interested to know what age we are talking about for these children?

To be honest I see both sides to this. You don’t know what he’s going through, he may have felt overwhelmed in the moment. May have been stressed, had bad news, not well etc. I’m not saying that excuses his shouting but I can understand his frustration especially if 5 kids banged the door 5 times. I think you need to teach them etiquette that only 1 knock is needed, or just message the parent in the WhatsApp chat like most people in 2024 do.

You don’t know what’s going on with him. He might’ve just taken a phone call to say he’s being made redundant, or has an illness or his mother has died. No, ideally he’d not yell at kids but I wouldn’t respond in a knee jerk way

But babies and children cry instinctively, it doesn’t mean the other party is a supervillain upsetting children “until they cry”. You tell a child they can’t run in traffic and they might cry, doesn’t make you horrible. Children cry at boundaries being set and not getting what the want.

plus delivery couriers get flak all the time, especially if they’re repeatedly banging doors like 5 kids all banging at the same time

He sounds like a dick but then so are you for excluding the child now. Really awful thing to do.

If my kids are behaving in an unacceptable way and I'm not there please feel free to tell them off. Ideally don't shout at them but I'm happy for them to be told in no uncertain terms what they're doing isn't on! No wonder there are so many ASBOs for kids.

When you say another dad lost it with your kids.
Does that mean this has happened before.
If so maybe you should tell your kids to leave people alone.
And stop knocking at there doors.
Or maybe your kids doing more than you know about and he's just fed up with it.
I'm only saying this because I once had this problem with a neighbours kids.
It was more than just the one Knock it was every day some times 4 times a day in the holidays weekends.
As soon as they saw my car come in 5 minutes later knocking started.
Took the piss it really did.
The mum thought it was cute and okay to let her kids do it.
Until I snapped at them one day enough was enough I just got back from a cremation.
It was bloody annoying.
I moved home in the end.

go out and blow your top at them terrifying them and making them all cry.

But you've stated your intention to deliberately upset his child, so how are you any better?

When you say another dad lost it with your kids.
Does that mean this has happened before.

I think op just meant ‘another’ as in, it wasn’t their own dad.

Of course YANBU. However you are being unreasonable to take it out on his child. It’s not their fault their dads a bloody crank is it.
Mind you there again you’d be right in clapping back with “but what ever he was in a mood over (hence the ranting for no reason) weren’t my kids’ fault.”

No he definitely doesn’t work nights.

I notice you’re not making any response to all the posters saying you’re unreasonable to ban the poor kid from coming to yours? Why are you not responding to this when clearly the majority of the posters think this is poor play on your part

This is my thing too. I LOVE that the kids play out. We’ve lived here 10 years and never have kids played out before up until the last year. When mine started playing with 2 others and gradually more and more have joined.
It’s the nicest thing ever. It’s what I did as a child. It’s what I want my children to do. It’s what children should be doing and I don’t want any idiot man making them think that they can’t

@Gymmum82 idiot man??

you still don't answer the question... how old are these children? is there history between you and this neighbour i wonder?

I appreciate what everyone is saying about not excluding his child.
It was perhaps an overreaction on my part. I just didn’t want any excuse for this man to be anywhere near my family again. I also wrongly thought maybe if his kid is excluded it’ll make him think twice about doing it again

YANBU to be annoyed at shouty man.

YABVU to exclude the kid. If he's such a charmer to small children, what's he like to his kid? Make the poor little bugger welcome. He may need a bolt hole.

@Gymmum82 does the neighbour have form for this type of behaviour? Aggressive, shouting, swearing etc either at others or his own family?

Or is this the only incident (in how many years)?

Before moving house our family lived in a first floor flat. DD was friends who a girl who would ring our flat intercom constantly, asking if DD could come out to play. She was a few years older than DD and would ring at all hours, sometimes as late at 10pm. DD was 6 years old at the time. I kept my cool for a while but then started to get seriously annoyed when she would ring the intercom during the day when DD was at school (I have no idea why this girl wasn’t at school herself) and disturbing me whilst I worked. On multiple occasions she interrupted important work calls. I spoke to her parents and practically begged them to tell her to stop but they clearly didn’t give a shit. On the final occasion that she interrupted me (a day when she rang 3 times and whilst DD was at school) I absolutely lost it and shouted at her. She ran off and didn’t bother me again. I didn’t feel bad about it then and still don’t.

OP, I wonder if there is more than to this story than you realise.

They range between 6 and 10

No it’s never happened before him shouting I mean. The kids have been knocking on for each other for almost a year. There is also a WhatsApp group in which he could have posted please tell your kids not to knock on our house and we would have done so.