Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

He’s totally unreasonable. I might even have a word with the child’s school and mention that dad is verbally aggressive and mum is barely seen, so scool can put a safeguarding watch on things

Can you really not see what an absolute leap this is?

It must be very noisy around there with multiple kids out -maybe the dad had just had enough of the racket?
Kids just don't ''play quietly''- there is often screeching.

Sad to see so many excuses for completely inexcusable behaviour by the man here.

@Gymmum82 You're not unreasonable to be annoyed at the kids being shouted at but you are being unreasonable to exclude the child from playing with your kids.
This would actually put me on alert for a household being abused and I would be more observant of the poor kid going forward. If the child is generally ok and doesn't cause issues with the neighbourhood or other kids then perhaps you could be a little kinder in how you deal with him.
We had a man like this in our road who actually had a go at me for staring at his house and his family when I was standing on the pavement opposite his house while DP parked the car. I wasn't looking at his house. I was just stood waiting for DP and his family weren't even in sight. I was more observant going forward and noticed that both the kids seemed very subdued as was their mum and that the curtains were always closed. He's in prison now for DA but those kids & their mum now look so happy. The curtains are open and they went on their first ever holiday this summer when previously the other neighbours thought the whole family were rude and stand offish - in reality they were being quietly abused.

This is not a leap.

his kid is not welcome in my home again

Why are you punishing a child for the behaviour of an adult?

Don't be so daft. A parent yelling at kids who are being rude (by banging, not knocking) doesn't indicate a dangerous home.

Please. If you reached any further you'd dislocate something.

Maybe he just lost a parent or got fired or is in the middle of divorce. That can put you on edge with just about anything. A knock on the door from anyone may well set someone off if going through these kinds of things. It is possible he's just an arse who shouts at kids but it is also possible he is under pressure for some other reason. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't exclude his kid but don't let your kid knock on that door again.

You don't actually know how often the kids knock on his door though, do you?

You say they knock once on yours etc, but it might not be the same for him

It might be bloody relentless whilst he's trying to work, for example

Tricky to have the kid over if you run the risk of dad coming over and causing trouble though

It takes a village to raise a child.

Except on mumsnet where the village can't include men.

I hate the excessive men bashing on mumsnet but in this instance I’d say he’s a cunt, definitely tell the school and probably just don’t say anything to him, but key his car if you get a chance. And be nice to his kid

I wouldn't ban the child from being my childs friend because of their father.

Wow. I would have told DC that it was a sad situation and he should be glad his parents don't embarrass him or verbally abuse him. And I would not have banned the poor child. Isn't he suffering enough with a father like that?

How did the other parent respond when he said he yelled at the kids for knocking once? Did they reach any resolution?
Please don't exclude the child, if they get on with the others and haven't done anything wrong themselves. They're not responsible for their dad's behaviour and they may badly need to feel safe and welcome in their friends' homes if their dad is shouty.
Edit: agree that one instance of shouting doesn't necessarily mean abuse. But personally I'd keep an extra eye out to see if the kid seems ok. And even if the dad is a great dad but has an occasional temper, it still could affect the child!

In your view maybe. I wouldn’t say it is reasonable to shout at children until they’re in tears for leaning on a doorbell 🤷‍♀️

WTF?

Did all five stand there while one child knocked or did all five beat on the door at once?

Why on earth do they need to knock at all? If it's a cul de sac it should be rather obvious who's playing outdoors, should anyone else want to join them, they can. They don't need to be summoned at the expense of interrupting the household.

Did he shout something like "Oi, stop with the noise out there! Don't knock like that ever again!" or did he call them names, swear, use abusive or threatening language?

It takes a village, after all. Maybe they were due a comeuppance. I'd implement a no-knocking policy streetwide. Kids can look out their windows if they want to see if playmates are out and about.

Seems harsh to exclude the child just because his dad his an ahole like others have said the poor kid already has to put up with living with his dad now he is being excluded

You'd actually ban a child from your house because of his dad being a dick?

Makes you a bit of a dick too, OP. Just let the kid play and tell your own kid not to knock on dickdads door again.

Yes,
That's roughly what I thought.

Ds used to have a friend that would absolutely hammer at the door to a point that we'd all jump, and more than one thing was broken because of this. We had a doorbell, but he chose not to use it.

There's a huge difference between ringing the bell once, and saying "can he play" and several times in a evening/leaning on it etc.

I don't know what actually happened but I can't help thinking about how incredibly annoying the kids on our street are repeatedly knocking on the door when I'm working. 3:30pm every single day, no matter how many times I tell them my DD goes to the childminder after school. They knock and shout through the letterbox until I answer the door. I work by the door and they stand and chatter, kick footballs at my wall and pull things off the plants while they slowly leave. I can well imagine losing my temper if I also had other things going on. I've certainly expressed my annoyance to myself once they've left many times.

@Gymmum82 any chance he works nights and was trying to sleep, and this is why the knocking upsets him so?