Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

I don’t know why you’d punish his child for this.

Jesus Christ, no wonder kids are growing up so incapable of handling anything.

They knocked loudly on a door, disturbed someone and got told off. It's hardly the end of the world.

People jumping to 'abuse' are mad, honestly.

YABVU to go over there all guns blazing, you'll only embarrass yourself.

I suspect your children are not as well-behaved as you would like to believe, and you're only hearing one side of the story.

You say that they've been knocking on that same door for a year. So this is unusual behaviour for the guy? It sounds very much like a one-off and he's had a bad day or was in a teams meeting when the five kids hammered on his door.

If he's never over-reacted before, there's a lot of unnecessary drama on this thread.

Yes. It's not the child's fault his dad lost it, must be highly embarrassing for him.

I don't like the idea of children playing out at the front of houses and have never lived anywhere that happens. Back gardens are for playing.

However that man should not have shouted at kids.

This will blow over.

He was being unreasonable for shouting at children in much the same way as you would be unreasonable taking this out on his innocent child by not allowing them to join in!

In both cases, innocent children at the butt of adults fury.

All this talk of knocking on, but then you just stop. What are they knocking on? The door? Window? Wood..?

Either way, 5 kids banging the door is disruptive. What if he was working? In the bath? On nights and asleep? Ill or in pain? Making food that couldn't be left unattended?

Some people are just miserable sods.

Simple answer

Your kids don't knock for his kid

His kid is welcome if he/she comes out to play

and his kid is not welcome in my home again

Please don't do this. Everything else, you're justified in, but not this.
I grew up in an abusive household, if my friend's parents hadn't let me in to play with them, I'd have had no outlet whatsoever.

Of course you're being unreasonable, he told your kids off, he didn't beat them with a stick.

Maybe if more adults were allowed to tell other people's kids off we wouldn't have gangs of feral kids.

I agree with what almost everyone has said.

Have nothing further to do with the man. Tell your kids not to knock there. Don’t exclude the child from your house - it’s not their fault and you don’t know what their home life is like.

It's like the scenario belongs in the 1990s and the reaction is a 2024 one.

I haven't heard the phrase 'knocking on' since I was at Primary School (which I left in 1995) and it seems like most children nowadays never go round and knock on a friend's door on the offchance they can 'play out' like we always did as children.

I love that the children in your village still do this. I think it's a fabulous way to be a child. Much better than your parents organising playdates via whatsapp.

But I think the Dad's reaction was more a modern 'wtf is this, my home is my private space, nobody knocks on my door an expects an answer' kind of thing. Shouting at children obviously not justified. But I bet that, if he had posted on mn, 'AIBU to be irritated by kids knocking on the door' he'd have got a whole lot of 'YANBU, I never answer my door, it's trespassing to walk up my drive' etc.

They’ll give the door a good bang with the 5 of them so I know what that’s like.

Now we're kind of getting somewhere I think.

Why does it take 5 children to knock on a door at the same time?

How does that even work? All 5 of them knocked in perfect unison?

There are definitely a lot of dramatic responses to this post, however I agree he was out of order. I would have to pull the Dad aside next time you see him and get to the bottom of what the hell he was shouting for. Then proceed to say something like, 'I'd prefer it if you didn't shout at my kids, you scared them etc'
If I was having a bad day I probably wouldn't say it so nicely, and possibly tell him to know his place.

lol know his place? What’s his place? What does that mean?

This would have been utterly unremarkable in the 70s. We survived.

5 kids banging on the door at once would drive me bananas. DD has one friend who knocks the door like she’s the police, I get a fright every time 🤣

Perhaps he shouldn’t have shouted, but I’d have told my kids they weren’t to have more than one of them at a time knocking the door. Agree with many PPs saying I wouldn’t take it out on angry neighbour’s child.

I'd tell your kids to not knock on the door, but please let him still come at play at yours. It's not his fault his dad is a knob.

Massive red flag that OP is refusing to respond to all the posts asking her to explain why her neighbour's innocent child is being punished for their father's actions.

Excluding a child in that way is awful and is an odd suggestion coming from an adult who is upset about the way another adult has just made their own child feel.

YANBU to be furious at the dad, he was out of order. YABU to take it out on the child, it’s not their fault.

YADNBU

If you're punishing this man's innocent child for what his father did, you're as bad as he is.

Yes please don’t do this. My friends dad did something similar when we were younger and she was absolutely mortified. Isolating him would be horrible.

I would do exactly as you did - tell my kids to stay away and their child is not to come over again. I couldn’t have any dealings with this nut and you should distance yourself.

sad for his kids - yea, but you must protect your own. I do agree it’s not the kids fault, but any interactions with this bloke are going to end up in tears from someone, and it wouldn’t be my kids.

Defo right to be annoyed but be the bigger person and let his kid in. I would also say on the whatssap group that whilst you're sorry they disturbed his evening, that kind of behaviour is unacceptable.