To not drive dc to school (yr7)

[HippyKayYay]

DC just started secondary. School is a 30min walk (from village into town, all on pavements). No bus option.

aibu to insist they walk to and from school, even though we could in theory drive them?

DH thinks we should drive them (for an easy life), I think they should walk (because it’s secondary ffs, it’s only half an hour). I don’t mind giving a lift in ‘exceptional circumstances’ (pouring rain, etc), but I don’t want it to be the norm/expectation.

We walked to primary, but it was 4 minutes away!

Edited to add: there is suspected adhd at play that can make getting organised and out in the mornings challenging/ stressful for DC. This is DH’s main rationale for driving them. But I think we need to help DC be better organised rather than driving them.

Walking is very good for mental and physical health. My son's just started year 7 and walks 45 minutes each way. He's not someone who enjoys walking. He used to moan about the 5 min walk to primary school! But he's not complaining, he's getting on with it.
It's had a positive effect on him. I think his mood is better, he's eating better (he doesn't generally eat enough and is skinny so it's good he's eating more) and he's sleeping better.

I never said I would take them if they with a friend. This was a thread about 11 year olds walking alone for a significant distance and it was the aloneness that was my point. But quite honestly what children even go to the park alone?

Children who are driven both ways have less autonomy, are less able to be spontaneous. If a parent is waiting, you can't join in with your friends who have suddenly decided to go and browse round Poundland or go to a coffee shop or call in at the public library on the way home.

The walk to school is absolutely fine.

When it gets darker earlier, I'd ask her either to walk home with a friend/in a group, or you'll come and collect her. Unless the route home is busy and well-lit.

I don't know a single 11 year old who doesn't walk to school. They'll be surrounded by other kids doing the same thing even if they aren't with a friend.

Unless a family lives in the middle of nowhere and there is nothing between their house and the school, chances are there will be other children walking exactly the same route.

The OP's child may not know someone but it doesn't mean she is walking on her own.

30 minutes to secondary is the average in our area.

We only bring DD when it is really bad weather or she had to bring heavy/awkward things but she normally managed her PE and Art kit without issues.

I think it depends on the child/area you live in.

The park near me is full of little bastards on electric bikes, two children have been robbed at knife point in the last three days. I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my 11 year old roam the park alone, he has got autism too though.

Mine do a 20 min walk to school but get a bus sometimes, if it's raining or if they have bulky/heavy things to carry. I never drive them to school, activities or play dates. I chose city centre living as it allows teens much more independence. I think if you've chosen to live more rurally in an area with no bus routes then you need to accept you'll be doing a fair bit of driving.

DS2 had a 35-40 minute walk, we generally drove him to a friends house (5 minutes walk from school) in the morning and he walked back. On days we had appointments he walked both ways. We both worked from home at the time and it was an easy compromise.

Well we are obviously talking at cross purposes. I know only two who do because they are right by the school ( so would only be company for a couple of hundred metres). It’s a prep and lots come quite a distance. The remaining children in my Dc classes don’t so it would be very much a solitary trek.

I think they should walk unless it's chucking it down or they have lots of stuff to carry (DD had cooking and PE the same day last year!)

Well obviously, prep school will be different to the local comprehensive with all the kids living in the same area. But surely you must know that 90% of kids in those scenarios will be walking? Many parents have to work full time, it's massively privileged to have the time to drive kids to school twice a day.

But op’s DH is willing to do it so that’s a red herring.

They are unlikely to actually be alone. I live down the hill from a secondary school and up from a primary school. The place is swarming with kids ( and parents from the primary). No space to be alone

Yeah but you're the one saying 11 is too young, it really isn't.

My DD also has ADHD. I was told by the neurodiversity consultant that children with ADHD often struggle with the transition to secondary school particularly getting to school under there own steam due to the fact that their emotional development is around 30% behind their peers. On that basis you have to consider whether a 30 min walk to school alone would be appropriate for a NT 8 year old. Based purely on the medical advice I received I would say your husband has called this 100% right.

It’s a prep and lots come quite a distance. The remaining children in my Dc classes don’t so it would be very much a solitary trek.

This ^ is the red herring @Calliopespa
Surely you are aware that 93% of dc don't go to a private school, but go to the (usually) nearest school which will have all the other 1000 - 1500 children also attending from the local area.
I'm fairly certain the OP would have mentioned it if her child were not in the overwhelming majority.

The child is unlikely to be alone.
Our house was right at the furthest edge of where dc got places for all of my dc, but they all had other dc to walk with for most of the way (and I'm talking the first - or last on the way home) couple of hundred yards).

Actually in Y7 my dd did a 40 min walk both ways, except on the way if it was torrential rain we would drive her (as who wants to be soaked all day long?)

But in y8 following some medical problems (unrelated to school run!) we ended up dropping her 5mins walk from school by car as it was on the way to work for both me and dh. And then dd would walk home with friends, whatever the weather. The last 15 mins of her walk is solo, she quite likes the peace and quiet.

My dd really likes walking home but teens do seem to find it harder to be “up and out” at 7.30am!

I wouldn't drive them. My boys get lifts on the odd occasion but definitely not the norm, they have a 40-45 minutes walk.

ADHD maybe not in play but one certainly very disorganised and difficult to keep on track. It helps them to gain independence in a time when this really isn't happening in the same way it did even 20 years ago.

I walk to work 30 min.
Of course secondary school kids can walk to school. Preparing them for life after mum and dad ferrying them around
What happened to people?

Walking is fine and actually having to get into a routine to walk, rather than relying on a just in time lift will actually be helpful with suspected ADHD learning valuable organisation and life skills.

I'm guessing the OP decided what to do 18months ago when she asked the question.

I walk to work whether or not it’s raining / snowing / I don’t feel like it! It was the same for me getting to school and is the same for my teens now. We’ve never driven them in 18+ years. Lawn mower parents are not, overall, helping their children. We all, ultimately, have to navigate life. And walking is SO beneficial for so many reasons, too many people underestimate the benefits.