To not drive dc to school (yr7)

[HippyKayYay]

DC just started secondary. School is a 30min walk (from village into town, all on pavements). No bus option.

aibu to insist they walk to and from school, even though we could in theory drive them?

DH thinks we should drive them (for an easy life), I think they should walk (because it’s secondary ffs, it’s only half an hour). I don’t mind giving a lift in ‘exceptional circumstances’ (pouring rain, etc), but I don’t want it to be the norm/expectation.

We walked to primary, but it was 4 minutes away!

Edited to add: there is suspected adhd at play that can make getting organised and out in the mornings challenging/ stressful for DC. This is DH’s main rationale for driving them. But I think we need to help DC be better organised rather than driving them.

@Calliopespa you wouldn't let a year 7 go to the park without you? That would be very unusual among the year 7s I know - the are not out with parents !

@2kah a child with adhd will benefit even more from 30 minutes of exercise before sitting down for the rest of the day. well - all children benefit from it tbh.

My three walk that every day to school and back. They’re all under 8.

Our school run involves big hills. It's an hour home if we detour through the woods. All my dc did it from reception and ds happily walks in all weathers. The walk helps him regulate. It helps me too.
Too many kids get ferried everywhere and aren't having healthy lifestyles promoted.

I think this is sensible. I only have a toddler but I remember starting comp after living a 2 minute walk from Primary. The mental toll comp takes is big and I'm glad my parents saw it. Now, I didn't get lifts every day, but I did when they could and also got bus money. I was never bothered about getting lifts home, the anxiety of school was over I wasn't worried about being late or flustered etc. By year 8 / 9 walking to school wasn't an issue.

I think if you can be flexible during this first term especially it would be a positive thing.

If you are still going with your kids to the park at age 11 then they've got bigger problems.

😳

Is there anyone they from your village who is also walking to school? If it becomes a social thing, they'll likely be more keen?

In the short term, I would definitely balance the need for them to arrive to school in a fit state to learn (i.e. not stressed out/late etc) with the fact that giving a lift every day is a hassle! I do think lifts in the morning/walk home might be a reasonable compromise to start with?

Perhaps over the next few weeks you could transition to lifts 3 days a week and they walk the others?

@Calliopespa

females are always physically unable to defend themselves against men so should women never go out unsupervised?

I'd be more concerned about the walk home with the darker months coming. Is the route well-lit through relatively busy areas.

My dc walked, like you I took them if I could in bad weather. It was slightly less than 30 mins.

So were my dc. Honestly, not letting 11 year olds go to school alone or play in a park is ridiculous.

I wish all parents thought the same as you OP.

Even those who can drive adequately and don't have an SUV.

Compromise walk in and pick up or the other way round

I was with you until you mentioned they had ADHD.

my child has ADHD and the organisation to school is a task in itself. ADHD brains work 5 times harder than none ADHD brains do. the organisation for school, plus getting himself there, navigating the roads safely etc is a hassle that can be made easier if you can take them.

he will also be exhausted walking to school, dealing with the school day and then walking home as people with ADHD tire easily.

Mine walk this far, there and back unless absolutely pissing it down. It's fine

@TheHeadOfTheHouse mine all have adhd but didn't/dont have the choice of being driven. The walk helps regulate but organisation is a big issue. It's good practice for their adult life when they will have to rely upon themselves.

If you drive them they’ll always expect that. If they are used to walking they’ll just walk. DD has walked 30 mins each way to school since year 7 - now year 9 - and it’s just what she expects to do now. Occasionally gets the bus if it’s raining hard. She’s got very independent and is easily able to get herself around our city now.

She walks with friends and right at the beginning there was a bit of a campaign from them all to get lifts but we wanted to make it the expectation that they would walk. It’s the only exercise most of them get outside of pe lessons.

On the organisation thing, they still have to be organised whether they are leaving at one time or 20 mins later.

Like most things it’s about balance. I’m assuming you wouldn’t use the logic that they will never be as physically strong so why not now to send a three year old wandering about alone ? By university it’s usually entirely necessary.
Everyone will draw that line in a slightly different place. For me it would be more like 13 when they are close to being about as physically “ equal” to an attacker as they are likely to be, but not 11. That could also depend a little on the child.
But since op asked I’m assuming everyone was allowed to give their personal take?

But the OP can drive them there, she’s just choosing not to.

if you have no choice, then that’s different, but if you do have a choice it’s only right to make your child’s day easier (when life is already hard for them with ADHD).

I just wouldn’t let my child struggle more than he had to, if I could make it easier for him then I would.

Rude.

No I wouldn’t send an 11 year old to the park alone. I didn’t at that age either, only with a friend. I’ve had a successful adult life with lots of responsibility and plenty of international travel on my own. What more are you trying to achieve for them exactly? 🤷🏻‍♀️
To be honest it isn’t always that safe for women to run alone in a park. I’ve done it plenty but I’m past the age that someone else carries the responsibility for me.

Walk, definitely
Starting the day with exercise can actually help adhd.

Scooter or bike.

Ah 3 days in, I think you'll get to where you need to be and hopefully there wont be quite so much rain! Tbh we appealed school placements as the first and second places offered needed a lift both ways and I didn't want to commit to that for 5 years (not feasible tbh 2 kids in opposite directions and I work full time) so I wasn't keen to be doing lifts but I think it's going to ease off eventually. That said my DC plays a massive instrument so will always need a lift with that although I had far heavier bags plus the same instrument and managed a similar walk when I was at school and DC is already my height!

Mine all walked
One school was about 30 - 35mins (ds could get there in just over 20 when he was setting off late) but I'd say 1/2 hr normal walking.
The other one 45mins at a good pace, going straight there, but dd used to go from here to friend 1's house then they'd go and collect friend 2 after that so she usually set off an hour before registration.

I think the walk was really valuable. Yes, the physical / health side, also the independence and street sense they learn, but mostly for the de-stress or 'wind down' after school. The 'putting the world to rights' with friends.

When dd started in Yr7 (and, as was normal round here then, only the Yr7s and 6th form were going in on that first day), she'd got less than 100 yards from the house when another girl caught her up and they walked together to school. The other girl had moved into the area very recently and knew no-one. 15 years later, they are still the best of friends.
Indeed, I am still friends with the girls I travelled home from school with.

I mean, if your ds takes up the double bass or the harp or something, I'd take them on that day, but I'd set the expectation from the start that they walk to school, and any change is a treat / one off.

Going with a friend is a bit different than mummy taking you there