To not drive dc to school (yr7)

[HippyKayYay]

DC just started secondary. School is a 30min walk (from village into town, all on pavements). No bus option.

aibu to insist they walk to and from school, even though we could in theory drive them?

DH thinks we should drive them (for an easy life), I think they should walk (because it’s secondary ffs, it’s only half an hour). I don’t mind giving a lift in ‘exceptional circumstances’ (pouring rain, etc), but I don’t want it to be the norm/expectation.

We walked to primary, but it was 4 minutes away!

Edited to add: there is suspected adhd at play that can make getting organised and out in the mornings challenging/ stressful for DC. This is DH’s main rationale for driving them. But I think we need to help DC be better organised rather than driving them.

I'm really happy to be a taxi service to my teens as I know they are safe, especially my eldest who is 17 and to me in a City is at a very vulnerable age walking around on how own home from parties etc. He hardly ever takes me up on the offer.

It does sound like you are making him doing it all on principle thought. The odd lift isn't a crime.

Op, is this a necessity or are you both free to give lifts as I agree with PP that this makes a difference to the necessity of your child walking?

Yeah, I did wonder whether this was the case.

We will, when the time comes, without hesitation get ours to walk that kind of distance but we do it ourselves and with them all the time.

My regular commute involves more walking than that. Including in the rain.

I think it's harder to insist on walking if you aren't role modelling it. Which isn't meant to guilt trip you, just to say that I think it does make a difference

Oh thanks, I misread it as 7 year old. Then the walking is fine in my opinion.

If it was a necessity, they'd just have to lump it!

At the moment, either me or DH could give a lift to school. Picking up is trickier.

Definitely walk. It's great for their mental and physical health, and gives them some independence.

This is a really good point, thanks. I mean, DH and I walk/run/cycle a lot. But the kids are used to usually being driven if we go 'beyond the village'. Walking for the sake of it is something the DC do reluctantly (i.e. 'let's go for a walk' is met with groans whenever we suggest it). Walking for practical necessity is something they're very much not used to (beyond walking the short distances in the village to school, the playground, friends' houses, etc)

Generally I’m with those saying walk but DC1 (fit, healthy, used to walking, NT) really, really struggled with starting secondary school. They were exhausted all the time and struggled with extreme anxiety. Our DC2 has just started and so far so good but I can see tiredness creeping in. I think you might have to see how it goes. If you end up giving more lifts than you’d like in Y7, it doesn’t mean you have to continue in future years.

Well then personally I'd feel a bit bad if was free to take to them and they were not keen on it as does seem about sticking to a principle for the sake of it.

Thank you. This is a good voice of reason. I tend to catastrophise ('oh god, we're going to be driving them everywhere for the next 5 years'). I need to see the middle ground.

We'll see how they're doing when they get home today, but I think compromise is in order for the next few weeks as they adapt to the big change of secondary (and it really is a very big change for them).

Yup. I think this is why I've felt so shit today. It was a horrible walk this morning and I felt like I made them do it on principle and then have spent the day questioning my principles (hence this post!)

I’d give lift to school but expect them to walk home if this is the situation

The physical exercise may be helpful for managing ADHD. Maybe work together as a family to get strategies and support in place to make sure he gets out of the door on time every morning.

Sounds like they don't really walk very far so it would be a massive shock but it would be the safety I would be worried about tbh.

But caveat that with that is obviously a projection of my DCs context which is a busy City but still quite residential streets once the children disperse to go different ways home which IME is more the case at secondary level as unlike Primary the catchment is huge!

school is about 40-45 minute walk away. I drive the kids to school in the morning as I feel arriving sweaty or damp or stressed from rushing is not a good start to the day.

However they walk home unless absolutely pouring and DH who normally works from home is able to pick them up around meetings etc. They get some daily exercise but if they get home wet/tired/hot then they can get changed/chill etc.

I think your principles are bang on, but ideally you should apply them to yourself as well!

Children raised with getting lifts everywhere turn into adults who drive as the default option. It's probably how you were raised?

I would take them both ways for the first couple of weeks.

The drop to just the morning.

And then to whenever it’s bad weather/really dark.

I’d do anything to make my kids life easier, especially when they’ve first started a new school.

DS cycles 2 miles to school every day now and doesn't like being driven as it would mean walking home. He generally likes to get there earlier than he needs to be to meet his friends. We did do a fair amount of collecting him right at the start of year 7 as he was tired/upset/injured until he got into that routine though.

30 minutes is nothing, my DS walked from that age no problem.

I had a 30 min walk to school. I hated it. It was awful. I was made to do it all through school and I now avoid walking anywhere at all costs because I hate it so much.

Why? Did something happen on your walks? Because otherwise not wanting to walk is lazy.

Do they have anyone to walk with? That makes a big difference, from no a safety point of view but also motivation, if they are meeting someone enroute

I found the opposite! I was made to walk everywhere as a kid and taken on multiply walking holidays with no other option and I now drive everywhere I can because I hate walking so much as a result 🤷‍♀️ depends on the person.