To not drive dc to school (yr7)

[HippyKayYay]

DC just started secondary. School is a 30min walk (from village into town, all on pavements). No bus option.

aibu to insist they walk to and from school, even though we could in theory drive them?

DH thinks we should drive them (for an easy life), I think they should walk (because it’s secondary ffs, it’s only half an hour). I don’t mind giving a lift in ‘exceptional circumstances’ (pouring rain, etc), but I don’t want it to be the norm/expectation.

We walked to primary, but it was 4 minutes away!

Edited to add: there is suspected adhd at play that can make getting organised and out in the mornings challenging/ stressful for DC. This is DH’s main rationale for driving them. But I think we need to help DC be better organised rather than driving them.

@Beezknees horrid memories of walking in the pouring rain and spending the whole day is soggy shoes/ men honking at me from van all the time/ occasionally men pulling over trying to give me lifts.

I walk to work daily and the vast majority of days are absolutely fine. Better shoes help though.

Seems a bit of an extreme reaction to not want to walk anywhere ever as an adult. I walked further than 30 minutes to school as a kid and walk everywhere now!

Well, there will always be some children raised with good habits who don't continue them, but it does make it a lot more likely and it's still worth trying.

I feed my kids vegetables even though they might not eat them as adult because I think it's more likely that they will eat them as adults if they grow up eating them, besides which it's good for them right now.

You will be doing them a huge favour by making walking this distance normal. Physical benefits are obvious, even more important are mental health benefits - not just because it gives their mind time to wander, notice the world and have decompression time especially on the way home. But also because they have a chance at independence, finding out how to navigate the world on their own. Lack of this is causing a huge amount of anxiety in young people. You don't have to be really rigid about it, you can give them lifts sometimes, but making walking or cycling the default will be hugely beneficial.

@sunseaandsoundingoff yeah, this was 20 years ago now! I'm sure men wouldn't be honking and trying to pick me up now as a slightly overweight mum😝 but as a 11-16 year old it was mortifying having to lie saying "no thanks, I don't need a lift, I live down the next road" over and over, not knowing what their real intention was. There was also the awkward teenage thing of wanting to wear "trendy" shoes to fit in, and of course they became water logged. 🤷‍♀️ I dunno, as a mum now I'd never expose my teenage daughter to what I went through but it was the 2000s, a very different time!

Ha! Not at all. I got myself to and from school independently from yr5 onwards (walk - train - walk - about an hour in total). But this was a loooooong time ago.

@Beezknees I think had it been a nice walk, with no problems, then maybe. I begged my mum to take me to school so I didn't have to put up with the honks from men in cars but she refused. I wouldn't do the same for my daughter now.

I just don't that is true, my eldest hasn't got anxiety issues, he refuses lifts and gets up to 30000 steps some days in the City we live in, I think there is plenty of time for the development of independence that is organic and not forced between 11 and 18.

@HippyKayYay fine to walk both ways. If DH thinks otherwise, he can step up. Occasional lifts if weather rotten, otherwise it’s part of becoming independent.

even more important are mental health benefits - not just because it gives their mind time to wander, notice the world and have decompression time especially on the way home.

Even better if they can walk without phones in their hands or earbuds in their ears, so they really do have that mental space.

There's no 'DH stepping up issue'. He's been the primary parent for most of their childhood as I worked full-time. He'd probably happily drive them to school every day but he's a sucker for an easy life

My DC walk there & back to/from school & it’s about that distance. They sometimes get a lift there if it’s raining a lot. I WFH so I could drive them but want them to walk as it’s barely worth getting in the car & it’s good exercise. They do walk with friends though which probably helps.

That is actually a worrying attitude. They need to learn independence and no 11/12 year old will go voluntarily to the park anymore.

Most likely they will meet other friends/students on the way. When DD walks to school (30-40 minutes), the whole walk is just students, between 7.15 - 7.45 you can't walk along one road without trippping over them.

It's safer teaching them safe ways to walk, how to react and what to do when they feel uncomfortable, ensure they have the means to call if necessary.

DD had late rehearsals last Spring and we collected her as it got dark. But at 3.15pm it's still light.

I don't think it is worrying as I thought similarly and I have a very independent 17 year old and 13 year old is sensible.

It sounds as though you both have quite a bit of flexibility which is good. Why not simply identify which evenings [some/all] where you want him to walk home or to go in on days where there's no extra gear to take. Worth bearing in mind it will be dark by 4.30 in a couple of months too so your comfort zone may drop. The main thing in year 7 is to start to make it the norm and build up confidence. You could have sent him on repeated errands over the summer to do this but it doesn't sound like you did?

I'm not sure that dropping him in it on principle in the first week with everything else going on will do you or him any favours if organisation skills are not a strong point.

And also possibly worth asking yourself if you will actively plan to walk or cycle when you need something from town or if you more often than not, just jump in the car as it's more time efficient?

Poor child. Suspected ADHD, mornings are stressful and both parents available to drive to school, but won’t

Walking is healthy and gives your dc independence. Also allows them to go in early or stay late for extracurricular activities. Driving for a half hour walk is madness.

You'd go to the park with an 11 year old. Id imagine he'd be ripped to shreds by his friends with mummy being there

This would be me as well.
I have an ADHD teen, he is making steady progress but it takes time.

My son has a super heavy school bag with laptop, lunch and all his books. I love driving him as we get a brief chance to chat and he often opens up a lot on that drive. It’s actually really nice 1-1 time.

My kids have always walked to school - almost 30 mins with a hill. My daughter started walking herself to school in p6. It's been good for them to start the day with some exercise. Wouldn't think anything of it in secondary (our secondary school happens to be closer than our primary school)

Walking will be good for both their mental and physical health and there is plenty of evidence to support that.

My DS started last week, similar distance, about a 35 minute walk. This is on some very busy roads and busy crossings. My thoughts had always been he will walk there and back, but as he's started I think we will be more flexible dependent on weather, if he's carrying lots of stuff, if I can pick him/drop him on my work journey.

Already some of his peers are getting dropped off in the morning by parents going to work.

I expect this will change as he gets older, but there's lots of changes going on at the moment, so not going to make a big deal about him doing the walk each way every day.

In yr6 he walked to and from school on his own each way but it was a 15 min walk, and a much safer route.

Could you compromise? 3 days walking and 2 days lift?