To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

[WinkyTinky]

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

Your husband has been very inconsiderate and irresponsible.

If 3 out of 4 members of a household don't want a pet, you don't get a pet. Obviously.

All of this, but also adding - we acquired a kitten when he was about 8 weeks (rescue, so not 100% sure) and had him neutered as soon as the vet was willing to do it, which wasn't till he was about 5 months. We kept him in until then because we did not want to be responsible for more unwanted kittens. He was desperate to get out, and it was incredibly difficult and stressful stopping him escaping, it took three of us, with agreed escape routes and a wide range of distraction tactics so we could leave the house, and he still managed to get out.

If you are trying to keep a kitten in who wants to be out, that's a whole new load of stress you will have to deal with that you didn't sign up for.

Sorry op, I told you wrong. Our kittens were from a rescue charity. They had their first vaccinations at about 8 weeks, then their second ones were at 12 weeks. No neutering until at least 2kg/ 4 months old. Either way though, you shouldn't be doing all this research for an animal you don't want and your dh knows nothing about raising. Rehome it ASAP.

As an out and out ‘cat’ person.. I stopped reading. The situation is irrelevant and you are wholly at fault. That cat is in the home now, you are no longer the priority owner.

The husband should pander to the tiny four legged overlord, and if necessary, should you not accept being deposed he should LTB.

They can't ignore her - she is not an 'it'. She's a baby who's been taken away from her mother. The OP needs - today! - to call Cat's Protection (main number for the UK 030 000 121212) or her local animal rescue centre. The victim in this situation is the sensitive, frightened little creature who's ended up - who even knows how - in the hand's of the OP's useless husband, and with another adult and children whose histrionic reactions in rejecting her, will have caused her even more distress.

To kids will be upset because their views/needs have been disregarded and there's a ton of other stuff going on - its the last straw.

Please stop being unkind about the young people involved. So weird for all the empathy for the cat yet none for poor teen who feels their homelife is disrupted by their dad's selfishness.

Your husband is the worst. On paper, it is a strong reaction to a cat, but so bloody what? You didn’t want one and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Im quite disgusted by your “D”H’s instructions to you on how you should care for the pet you didn’t ask for. I feel really sorry for the cat (and you and the kids), so if I were you, I’d get it rehomed while he’s at work, and then the cat will be in an environment where it’s wanted too.

@WinkyTinky if you look after the cat when DH is not around you are enabling him. He needs to insure it, make sure it is spayed or neutered, vaccinated, socialised and loved - and he can clean its tray. He wants a cat, he looks after it. I don’t know why you are still with your H to be honest.

Missed the part where OP said she was leaving her husband!

You are all being unreasonable and sound like a family of psychopaths. It’s the kitten I feel sorry for.

Your complete lack of empathy for a disabled child make you sound like the pychopath. What a hideous thing to say to a woman who is struggling in a difficult situation.

I would not be comfortable with a cat in my home and in this situation would have taken the kitten straight to a rescue. I really cannot stand cats, but would be unhappy about the upheaval for the kitten and very annoyed that an adult thought it appropriate to bring an animal home without discussing it first.

Your household sounds very unpleasant to live in where a tiny helpless creature causes so much catastrophising and drama. It's a kitten, you get it vaccinated around now, the vet will tell you when she needs her second set. Wait until 6 months, get her spayed and presumably let her roam outside as most English people do and you'll hardly know she's there. She'll need a scratching post and some cheap toys to play with and a little bit of love.
Your son sounds poorly adjusted for adult life if this is how he reacts when things don't go his way, ND or not. He'll struggle ever having a relationship or job if he isn't taught some resilience - he's almost a man.

I actually feel bad for your husband here. He should have consulted you first but it's a cat and they're quite hands off pets compared to a dog, and now he has his son crying and refusing to come home and his wife guilt tripping him that she'll have to stay off work because of a kitten. Just feed it and let it roam around and play with it now and then, they're not toddlers

What a ridiculous post, I really hope this is a joke.

Yes, the cat is in the home. But the OP needs to get the cat out of the home as soon as she can

Please tell me your post is sarcasm?

kittens Are a lot of work. They are a bit like babies at first needing lots of holding and socialising plus they are obnoxiously nocturnal until they get the jist of the household routine. It absolutely should be with you as much as possible for the first few months and then you get the catflap out in and graduate it to being independent. Definitely not something to be sprung on you. Whilst a kitten is not a baby, you are committing to raising it for about 18 years so you have to have a discussion much like deciding to have a child. For sure it’s a lesser commitment but a commitment all the same. I’m quite stressed about the poor little thing being cold and alone. Honestly please rehome it . Absolutely not your fault- you are absolutely in the right to not be ok about it. I have cats but as much as I love dogs I’d feel the same way if my husband randomly brought a puppy home.

OP, the kindest thing to do for the kitten is to get it rehomed via a reputable cat charity.
Please don't keep it in a home where it is unwanted.
And please take to a charity rather than wherever the poor kitten came from in the first place, as kittens sold or given away via Facebook/Gumtree/stranger are sometimes bought for dog baiting/fightng.
If the kitten escapes from your house she is likely to become pregnant/ killed by a dog/car.
Do you really want that on your conscience?

All these bloody cat lovers telling OP she's out of order, and her sons are overreacting... a cat is a responsibility for the entirety of its life. Which could be, what, up to 20years?

20years of litter tray cleaning, feeding, grooming, vet visits, vaccinations, medications, cleaning all the hair off everything, buying toys, clothes, food, dealing with emergency vet visits, booking kennels or sitters every time you go away, dealing with the 'presents' they bring in dead or alive...

I like a cat as much as the next person (more a dog person) but the above is a huge responsibility to land on anyone when they haven't agreed to it.

I just see any pet animal, especially a dog but even a cat as work for me to do and poo for me to shovel, no thanks. Some ppl think pets are pointless, like me.

Cats are not calming to me, they are just a predator of songbirds in my garden and something to insure and feed. I do not want their hairs around.

OP and her children do not want one, dh bringing one home would hurt your feelings, it would be like forcing a guest you did not want or like to stay.

I used to let my children play and give little morsels with a neighbours cat outside when they were small but it didn’t come in. Tbh the novelty wore off much sooner than the years it lived for.

None of this is the teen ds's responsibility though and he's been the one with the huge reaction. I think I that's what most people are commenting on.

I think most people (aka bloody cat lovers) are horrified by the actions of the husband and are recommending the poor animal is rehomed?

lots of people are saying a pet is a lot of work and clearly the kitten is already being neglected so it would be better off in a living home with people who want it.

Admittedly, I haven’t read the whole thread but I am with you @WinkyTinky. We have a much loved dog. I love cats. We have had various pets over the years. But bringing a pet into a family home has to be a family decision.

Of course, some pets need more time, money and attention than others. Many families will find that not everyone does their fair share of the work. But what your husband has done is inexcusable.

It sounds like to me that your plate is full. And he has come in and dumped an extra load of work onto your full plate. The same for ds - his plate is full right now and has no space for a kitten.

It also sounds like this is the tip of the iceberg for you OP. I think I would be telling DH that he is welcome to keep the kitten if he wants but his inability to listen to his own wife and dc have raised some v big questions.

@liveforsummer @Bellyblueboy the amount of posters saying that the DSs reaction is over the top, that OP should let her DH have a cat as otherwise she is controlling, they'll barely notice the cat etc is ridiculous.

They do not want to live with an animal, end of. One person in this 4 person house has made this lifelong commitment to this animal, without the consultation or agreement from the others. And then he's fucked off and let this animal alone all day at the age of 13 weeks. Hasn't even done the research to realise it can't go outside until it's vaccinated. He's a prick of the highest order.

And I say this as an animal lover, who lives with and loves multiple animals that live with me.

OP and her DSs should not be taking any grief on this thread.

I don't agree with the posts saying OP and family should just get used to the cat. Some people are afraid of them, some people simply don't like them, many reasons you may not want one.
I wouldn't see a cat harmed, but if one was brought into my house it would get no love or attention from me. I don't like them, I don't like being around them. To me, a cat obviously being avoided and unwanted is worse than being rescued and going to a family who actually wants it and will give it love and attention.

I suggest rehoming it asap, to a home where it will be loved by people who show compassion to animals.

It is not a moral weakness not to like certain animals.

It is morally repugnant to assume responsibility for an animal and then fail to care for it properly.

OP and the kids are the good guys here imo.

Absolutely. There will be a home somewhere where the cat will be cared for and adored.