To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

[WinkyTinky]

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

This, although I don't know about the "poor bloody kitten".
How weird.

In what way is that weird?

The only one I have sympathy for is the poor kitten

DH should have discussed and should be looking after the poor thing

The rest of you sound like drama llamas

You DH shouldn’t have bought a pet without the family’s knowledge and agreement. However the reaction to it sounds utterly bizarre. It’s just a cat?!

OP your husband is an idiot. It sounds like you carry the mental load for a lot of people and he is expecting you to add in care of a pet you don’t want - simply so he can enjoy having a cat (but without having to give a shit about properly taking care of it).

I love a lot of animals but I think those saying it’s an overreaction by you and your kids are crazy. Having a cat in the house is great - if you love cats!! Otherwise, it’s additional stress / chores / mess and smells for what pay off? None, if you don’t like cats!! Not to mention additional expenditure of out of family budget. And it’s perfectly ok not to like them. I would freak out at the idea of eg a lizard or a toad or probably even a rat in my house and be very upset about it, and don’t think anyone would question that. I’d be incensed if DH brought one home without asking me and obviously more so if he asked and I said bloody no! It’s the same thing.

Not the cat itself, the way her husband just brought it in as a "surprise".
The kids sound very anxious, possibly on the spectrum.
I have Asperger's and would hate a situation like this, especially when imposed on me by someone
"in charge". I hated living with my parents for this.
I think I would also become "unhinged" and unhappy.
I don't feel sorry for the cat- there's no harm coming to it.

Please update the thread later to tell us the kitten is safe elsewhere. You say there was no sign of it this morning- hope it isn’t now lost?

I am aghast at the way some (a lot of) posters are speaking about a troubled child in a difficult situation. Truly appaling, unconscionable comments. Where the hell is your empathy, your understanding, your common sense?

Signed: A cat lover.

Of course there is harm coming to the cat.Its being neglected and no one seems to know where it is.

I have a lot of sympathy for the kitten, your DH should not bring it home to a very strange setup with hostile and overly dramatic children if he is not ready to take care of the kitten properly.

I think this is more than about the cat, looking at your previous threads.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you two have anything in common. That's not a criticism to you by the way, you sound like you have lots on your plate, while DH floats in a bubble.

I only looked at your previous threads, as I was going to say its ridiculous that your kids are so anti-pets/ crying etc. But after reading previous threads, I couldn't imagine my DH buying a pet even if he wanted one for last few years, knowing that the kids have problems.

Please don't take on a kitten, you will be the one doing it all (as you already are!). If DH moans, literally treat him like a child, tell him, he won't be leaving you with the kitten and sodding off with his friends.

I'm a massive cat lover and it's a huge red alarm bell, if kids are that intolerant of a cute kitten that they don't want to come home / cry. It's really not going to be a good home for it- my cats a sensitive bugger and he feels the tension in the air if anyone is stressed- which makes him stressed.

This. You all sound like dicks though, to be fair. Yes Dh shouldn't have done this but for you all to be so callous now it HAS been done is unforgiveable and just so awful. That is a tiny, scared, vulnerable creature. Do you have zero compassion for animals?

It’s just a cat?!

Is it? Or is it, in fact, the Anti-Cat, as prophesied?

‘In the final days, when humanity rests in the comfort of their lives, there shall arise a feline unlike any other—cunning, beguiling, and deceptively innocent. The Anti-Cat will emerge, with fur as soft as silk and eyes wide and watchful, yet within it lies a darkness older than the stars. It will move among humans unnoticed at first, winning their favour with gentle purrs and delicate steps.

Beware, for the Anti-Cat's charm conceals a terrible purpose. It will sit upon thrones of plush armchairs, basking in the adoration of humans as they offer treats, toys, and strokes at its paws. But its heart is cold and calculating, not stirred by love or loyalty. It shall accept their affections only when it chooses, its gaze filled with quiet disdain as it plots the undoing of human peace.

With but a flick of its tail, the Anti-Cat shall sow discord in homes. Humans will quarrel over trifles, distracted by petty concerns, while this creature watches from the highest shelf, pleased by the chaos it weaves. Its paw will swat at delicate objects—cups and glasses will shatter, and the world shall tremble, yet humans, enchanted by its elegance, will see no harm in its ways.

Its power will grow, for many will fall under its spell, forsaking their duties to tend to its every whim. “It is but a cat,” they will say, unaware that its influence stretches far beyond their understanding. Even governments will falter, as leaders abandon their responsibilities, distracted by the need to appease this silent, inscrutable creature. All the while, the Anti-Cat shall remain aloof, its true intentions masked by a purring facade.

Woe to those who recognise its true nature, for they shall be dismissed as mad. “This cat is not what it seems!” they will cry, yet their warnings will go unheeded, for the Anti-Cat’s power lies in its ability to beguile even the most discerning minds, drawing them into a fog of complacency.

In the end, as the world teeters on the brink and humanity bows at its feet, the Anti-Cat will yawn, indifferent to the ruin it has caused, content in its dominion over the earth. It shall rule without ever lifting a claw, and the world, blind to its true nature, shall crumble under the weight of its silence.‘

Classic case of ESH - everyone sucks here

DH sucks for bringing a baby animal home and not caring for them properly. You don't leave new kittens on their own overnight! The first few nights/week or so until they have figured out the layout of the house and found places to sleep you keep them in your bedroom with you. They will often hop up for comfort or to snuggle in the night, that's just what you sign up for with a baby animal.

Your children suck for thinking they as kids have the right to veto whether or not you adopt an animal, yes it's their home but it feels a bit of a weird power dynamic is going on here if they feel confidently able to dictate whether you as a household adopt a cat or not.

Tbf OP I don't think you suck. You're just tryna figure out the best outcome here.

The OP didn't ask for the kitten and has had to go to work whilst worrying about its welfare. What choice did she have? Kitten adoption leave is not a thing.

Her husband, meanwhile, appears to have gone to work whilst not worrying remotely about its welfare.

Oh dear. I feel sorry for everyone in this scenario except your DH, OP.

A young kitten that gets lost is likely to come to harm. Poor thing needs a lot of careful attention when being introduced to a new home and your DSs and yourself shouldn't have to provide that.

Your DH is a dick.

I hope the kitten is found safe and you are able to rehome it. That would be best for all.

I just feel sorry for the little kitten.
Take him to a rescue, and let him have a home where he’s wanted.
Your household is not the right place for him.

I came here to say this to be honest, it's up to the parents in this situation to decide between themselves what pets they want to take care of, you don't get to use the children as numbers to gang up on the other parent just because they are on your side, the children aren't going to have to feed it, care for it or look after it, if they choose they can have nothing to do with it.. so their 'vote' is completely irrelevant and OP is only using their 'vote' as ammunition in this way because she doesn't want the cat either.

OP veto'd getting a cat two years ago, and her DH has obviously decided he is going to make his own decisions from now on, there is obviously way more going on in this story for it to have come to this point. I don't agree DH should have just bought a cat home, but I don't agree OP should get to veto decisions either.. I would be interested to know if OP said no to the cat two years ago, or said 'in a couple of years time' to bat it into the long grass, and he DH has been counting down the days to that loophole.

Your son crying and being so extreme over your DH 'going against his wishes' is ridiculous OP, I appreciate he's going through a tough time, but you're not really setting him up for the real world. He isn't the boss of the house and doesn't get to dictate what happens there, if he thinks he is then something has gone really wrong somewhere, but pandering to this behaviour will not help him in the long run.

…….after you’ve found him 😡

Thank you, I truly thought I was losing my mind reading this thread. Lots of sympathy for the kitten, meanwhile calling the very likely ND child who has just recently lost a friend to suicide and is struggling with stress and grief "deranged, unhinged, bizarre, a psychopath". All things I've seen PP calling this struggling child because god forbid he doesn't want a fucking cat right now. Honestly disgusting behaviour from a group of supposed adult human beings with the capacity for rational thought. More empathy for a cat than a child going through a rough time!

I have cats, dogs, reptiles, a menagerie. They bring me a great deal of joy. I also understand that for someone who simply doesn't want an animal in the house, the presence of an animal (no matter how cute) can be an enormous source of stress (especially in a life already riddled with stress by the sounds of it). The lack of empathy (for humans!!) on this thread is astonishing.

Normally I'd think your dh is out of line, but I can't help but think he decided he couldn't win with the rest of the crazy drama in the house and needed some creature half way reasonable to bond with. Hard on the kitten though. Your kids need to suck it up, it's a cat, not a tiger.

Take it to a rescue centre,get it rehomed
None of you wanting ,the bloke who bought it ,doesn't seem particularly bothered about it
It needs to be in a home where it's wanted

Poor cat.

Be buggered if I’d be dictated to by a child in normal circumstances, but I can see there’s way more to this.

Your DH sounds like he’s done this to annoy you all? He isn’t caring for the kitten, I couldn’t personally leave a poor frightened kitten in a freezing conservatory. Is there some kind of backstory where your DH is abusive? He sounds awful. What’s his motivation for having a cat?

Clearly not the right time to have a pet as you all have far too much on your plate. Aside from tell your DH to take the kitten back I don’t know what you can do to be honest. If you return the kitten will your DH just get another by the sound of it? If not return the kitten- say you came home and the kitten has escaped.

I think I’d have to rehome the DH to be honest.

Hope things get better for you OP.

@TempestTost I thought that too- until I read all the updates. The DH has left the kitten alone and gone to work. He didn’t even bother with it last night when he first got it- that’s not normal behaviour at all.

I read all the updates properly now.
Apologies, nobody is "unhinged" here or a "dick" apart from the husband.
The kids are definitely on the spectrum, something my generation had to "suck up" and get on with, to pander to our bastard parents to survive. (Another country, Silent Generation).
It's not necessary nowadays.
The anxiety of the older boy is very concerning and completely understandable.
Please get rid of the bloody cat, obviously "re-home" it and then think about re-homing your husband.

It does sound like an unusual reaction to a kitten but I suppose I wouldn't especially want to look after a kitten in principle, although I love cats and have one. My cat is older and has needs that suit us both.

I also know what I'm doing with a cat. Hence why I chose a middle aged cat over a kitten. I knew it wouldn't suit me to have a high energy kitten who will need vaccinations, neutering, house training, attention (I pay mine attention obviously but she doesn't need the amount a kitten would), and so on.

Of course I would fall in love with a kitten and take the burden on gladly, but I'd rather not be put in that position.

A kitten should be easy enough to rehome. Lots of people want them over older cats. Don't take money for it. Preferably make sure they have a garden and don't live near a busy road. It would be best if they have had a cat before. Any trouble, contact a local animal shelter and ask for advice/help.

It sounds like the kitten is hiding. A new cat should have a box in a quiet corner to hide in. Kittens can get themselves into very small spaces so this means behind the washing machine and under the sofa etc. It should come out when its hungry, hopefully.