To think this message was not terrible and Husband is over reacting?

[PointToItOnThePage]

My husband has read messages on my phone of a group chat between a few friends.

The subject was another friends step children and an issue she had with them. A few people replied talking generally about how they couldn't deal with step children, don't know how you cope etc...

My response to the general conversation was:

'It is hard. X & Y (my stepchildrens names) are really good kids but it's not easy. I must admit I think anyone who can love them like their own is a saint, I certainly couldn't".

And then to another part of the discussion between the other people in the chat who were discussing their teenage stepchild leaving a mess everywhere:

"It definitely grates on you more when it isn't your child for sure".

The above were my only responses during this conversation.

I am quite furious that he's taken it upon himself to read through my messages but I suppose that's another thread. He thinks I'm totally unreasonable for the above, I think it was a private conversation between friends and nothing I said was actually that terrible and he's being wholly OTT to act as though what I said is a heinous marital crime.

I do a lot for my two DSC, I try my absolute best, I don't always get it right but I'm not a bad step parent and I've put myself last many many times to ensure what's best for the children is done. I don't think I deserve the grief over two messages that I really can't see are so terrible.

WIBU?

See title of the thread
To think this message was not terrible and Husband is over reacting?

Maybe OP is capable of understanding another perspective other than her own? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Where is the furious bit?

I also think, if the husband noticed his kids names on OP’s phone, he then clicks on the chat and sees the comments along with the friend’s ridiculous comments about stepchildren being ‘random strangers in the house’ and OP hasn’t said anything in relation to that comment, I can see why he would be upset - it’s such a ridiculous comment that surely you’d respond to it and call your friend out

Yes, which proves my point that contrary to your opinion, the OP does not think the opinion of the friend is "shitty".

@Lizzie67384 does

I am quite furious that he's taken it upon himself to read through my messages but I suppose that's another thread.

You might want to re-read the OP.

It’s not the norm.

If there was a fire are ppl seriously suggesting a step parent would rescue their biological child after the SC? Of course you can love them a great amount but it’s like a PP said, does your husband love your mum exactly the same as his own? Would he rescue her in a fire first?

So? That's irrelevant to the discussion between you and me about what the OP has expressed.

Lazy, and you’ve kindly obliged.

I would have. But, I’m apparently in the 1%.

Yeah I’m confused by that comment too!

I’d rescue first whichever child was the intersection of

• closest to the fire, and
• least able to escape on their own

You go by need, not by DNA.
Best chance to rescue all that way.

lol I don't think @Usercyzabc is particularly interested in facts but in provocation. If she's genuinely trying to defend the OP she's making a hash of it.

OP has found herself in a really crap situation where her ability to share her thoughts and feelings about her own situation in a safe space has been taken from her because her husband snooped. Yes no doubt husband is upset/ angry and has every right to be but OP must feel awful enough as it is without some of these posts!

Why because I asked @ToBeDetermined to remind me of the exact wording of the OP some 10 pages ago. Come now.

Group chats- social media- can never be a safe space!
OMG, surely no one is that naive?

The OP is at the top of every page….
Just saying.

A conversation with her friends is a safe space.

That’s spoken with a level head - not in an adrenaline-packed, panic-fuelled situation where the main concerns are fire, death and safety. And ensuring your offspring survives.

In an objective, ideal world scenario yours is obviously the right one - but human instinct isn’t always as altruistic.

And its still no excuse to some of the shitty replies she has had here. We are all human.

Surely if you post in a topic called ‘am I being unreasonable’ and literally ask people if they agree with you or not, you should expect some difference of opinion?!

But you did though.

You were referring to his kids.

If he was talking to his mates about how annoying having a partner is would you think he was generalising?

If he was a single man that would be fine sure but if not then he is aiming it at you. You said you understood the difficulties directly and twice. If I could have kids I certainly wouldn't take to anyone saying anything negative about them.
And I wouldn't have them slating them and hiding behind a generalisation which could only be aimed at my my kids.

See it from his perspective, if you're ever in the same room with him and these friends. How would you feel?

LOL

A good chunk of people here are absolutely off the charts insane. @PointToItOnThePage did nothing wrong. But Mumsnet has to go full throttle delulu whenever step parents appear. 🤪

Difference in opinion, yes. There are ways of articulating differences of opinions though in a kind and human way, not this.