To think this message was not terrible and Husband is over reacting?

[PointToItOnThePage]

My husband has read messages on my phone of a group chat between a few friends.

The subject was another friends step children and an issue she had with them. A few people replied talking generally about how they couldn't deal with step children, don't know how you cope etc...

My response to the general conversation was:

'It is hard. X & Y (my stepchildrens names) are really good kids but it's not easy. I must admit I think anyone who can love them like their own is a saint, I certainly couldn't".

And then to another part of the discussion between the other people in the chat who were discussing their teenage stepchild leaving a mess everywhere:

"It definitely grates on you more when it isn't your child for sure".

The above were my only responses during this conversation.

I am quite furious that he's taken it upon himself to read through my messages but I suppose that's another thread. He thinks I'm totally unreasonable for the above, I think it was a private conversation between friends and nothing I said was actually that terrible and he's being wholly OTT to act as though what I said is a heinous marital crime.

I do a lot for my two DSC, I try my absolute best, I don't always get it right but I'm not a bad step parent and I've put myself last many many times to ensure what's best for the children is done. I don't think I deserve the grief over two messages that I really can't see are so terrible.

WIBU?

You did
I must admit I think anyone who can love them like their own is a saint, I certainly couldn't"

This^ means that you think the only person who can love them (X and Y) like their own is a saint, ergo only a saint can love them (X and Y) like their own.

I’ll stop now. But only because it seems you unwilling to acknowledge the meaning and power of your words.

As I said I get why your DH is upset. YABVU to minimise this.

I'm not sure how to answer that. I don't know how they'd feel. Maybe they'd be hurt, maybe they wouldn't give a shit, I do not know. But again, they don't know about it and I didn't say it to their face so us speculating about how they'd feel is not really relevant.

I don’t expect my partner to love my child as much as the child we have together BUT I do expect him to not make it obvious that he loves our younger child more and not to talk about his stepchild in a group chat with his friends

I'm honestly not going over this again.

You're twisting what @ToBeDetermined said and faking concern.

She also was talking specifically about text group chats. Perhaps she does talk about things or people she finds tricky with her good friends but IN PERSON. Which is an entirely sensible strategy.

What does that have to do with maternal bonds?

Are you worried about it being leaked out of the group chat?

You're twisting what @ToBeDetermined said and faking concern.

Yes it's called tit for tat. Well spotted.

Yeh but if you wrote casually in a group chat to friends that you find - say - babysitting your niece difficult and they’re extra annoying when they aren’t your own kid, and anyone who could love their niece like their own would be a saint - if you wrote this and your sibling saw it about their child, how do you think they’d feel about that?

Ok, Heather

I’ll add to this, that it seems the OP feels bad enough without trying to make her feel worse because she doesn’t feel the same towards her stepchildren. Nothing untoward in that at all, at least she gives enough of a shit to come on here and ask about it.

Who is Heather?

@Usercyzabc I'm not talking about maternal bonds! I'm responding to your comment about how nobody can ever love a StepDC like their own because they didn't give birth to them! Well plenty of Stepdads do!

Also adoptive parents…

No I'm not. And leaked to who anyway? There are 3 people not inc me in this chat all very close friends but from completely different towns (childhood friends).

Who are all these people they are supposedly going to tell to the point it reaches the ears of my stepchildren they met once at our wedding 7 years ago.

No I'm not worried about it being "leaked".

Ok!

This has been covered…extensively.

Well you didn’t specify who the group chat was with, if it was with, for example, parents of children in the same town/same age, it could quite easily get back to the SC or their mother

Alas I'm not famous either so highly unlikely to reach the cover of OK magazine.

It is relevant, because if you can see how it could be hurtful to them you can surely see how it could be hurtful to your husband.
It was a type of betrayal - boundary cross if you like - and he saw it. You should be more careful.

Well your comment said you can’t love children as much if you didn’t give birth to them, which is obviously quite offensive to quite a lot of people!

There are plenty of things I tell close friends, much more exciting than this whole thing, I don't spend the time panicking they are going to tell everyone they come across.

I didn’t read it that way.

I read it as the OP speaking about stepparents who can love their stepchildren, the same as their own children.

OP knows what they meant, you saying they meant otherwise is your own issue.

Do you know what happened to that other post?

@Lizzie67384 Are you sure that’s what I said?