Using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Has anyone noticed that nobody says tantrum anymore?

Every time a child has a tantrum, theres a parent saying they’re having a meltdown.

Theres a massive difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, but it appears hardly anybody likes to say their child is having a tantrum anymore.

Such a first world problem, but it really annoys me 🤣

I agree with this. Mine had tantrums - and although they’re adult/teen now, I’d like to think if they were young now that I wouldn’t claim they were having a meltdown as I understand that to be a response to an overwhelming situation for a ND child. Not a noisy demand for whatever it was they wanted in that moment.

'Meltdown' may mean something specific in a ND, or indeed nuclear context, but it also has a perfectly valid use in more general speech.

Yeah, I think it depends where you come from. I'd say 'the dog had a meltdown when the postman knocked' for instance. It just means an over reaction to me and always has. It has no specific scientific meaning to me, it's just an expression.

Of course. That's what I've said in my posts. Children do not have the capacity to regulate like adults do.

I do still think there is a distinction between the dysregulation that occurs in autistic children compared to allistic children and it's very important to have words to discern between the two.

it's very important to have words to discern between the two.

Why? Aside from a clinical or setting where bespoke support is required where a parent or carer would no doubt go into more specific detail.

I think this is fine, but people seem to be objecting to it having a meaning in an ND context which is different from the general speech context, as though it is somehow offensive or indicates being offended to want to be precise.

People could just say autistic meltdown if that's what they mean.

It's the opposite though, people who use it in that context being annoyed others dare use it.

Not in this thread - there is so much resistance to and derision/anger at the idea that it could have a different meaning from tantrum, and an autism-specific meaning at that. My suggestion of using "autistic meltdown" to differentiate between the two was ALSO seen as language policing and unnecessary, so I have no idea. Neurotypical thought patterns are very hard for me to understand.

I don't see how anyone can police the word meltdown to only be used in an ND context. I say this as someone with autistic children and am ND. The word evolved separately to autism being defined. I agree it would be helpful if there was a specific word to define autistic or adhd style overwhelm. If there was then I would understand any request for it to be used only in context.

In non-clinical settings, education settings, in order to convey a need within relationships.

If I said to school I'm really sorry my son won't be in this morning as he has had a meltdown, they would need to be able to understand he's not just been a bit challenging and he's had some really concerning and exhausting behaviours. They need to know how best to support him back into setting. That they know this is different from NT child being upset and will probably be in later that morning or in the afternoon, and that the reason for absence is related to mental health when it comes to absence reporting.

For friends, it's important that they know that the reason we can't meet up is again not just because we've failed a negotiation and now he's upset but because of an extreme issue with coping with change and we're having to stay in for his and their safety.

It's important that family can understand the signs of a meltdown and distinguish the difference and identify triggers, and that my son is capable of dysregulation without it leading to a meltdown and therefore they should know the difference to reduce isolation and exclusion from events others are included in that he might wish to participate in.

It's important later in life so that he's not gaslit into being called crazy and that he's shown compassion for things beyond his control and that the words that are associated with his behaviours do not carry a negative connotation which could impact the carriage of justice as people gave been detained, abused and incarcerated for having a meltdown in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have said before that for parents of ND, meltdowns are catastrophic. Not all emotional dysregulation has catastrophic or disabling outcomes for all, and this applies to children even if their emotional responses are still extreme because it's developmentally appropriate for them.

This is why I feel it's important to have a distinction between the 2.

Tomatoes 🍅

Absolutely. And very good points about when he gets older. As usual, so many people only think about autism in terms of children. Autistic children grow into autistic adults, and we don't stop being autistic.

I have an ND child. Tantrum is a few minutes, meltdown is more than 15 mins (usually a lot longer) and my child is inconsolable and we cannot go near him. Even giving him what he wanted in the first place makes him worse.

I assume that a tantrum is when kids can accept comforting/negotiating. Meltdowns are when nothing works at all and they have to just get it out of their system.

I don’t think anyone has said anything like objecting to it being used for that. As far as I can see the only issue anyone seems to have is against the claim that it is a word exclusively for ND and anything else is only ever a tantrum and no other young child could ever experience emotional disregulation without it being reduced to “I want”.

There isn't though, people aren't arguing that there are differences between them, but that policing language is tedious, and not all tantrums ie in very young toddlers are because the child couldn't have a packet of crisps.

You can use it for all of those things though no one cares/is trying to stop you. Honestly someone saying to a mate about having a meltdown isn't going to detract from how schools deal with you saying they've had a meltdown and how they respond.

I’m looking forward to the day when NT people claim psychosis for their kids as well - why not let’s claim all these words.

But meltdown as a synonym for tantrum existed BEFORE it was used to describe an autistic behaviour! NT people are not claiming anything.

Any MN thread on neurodiversity on AIBU or chat will feature hostile attitudes along the lines of, ' these are just excuses for bad parenting, parents should make these children behave, they must be made to fit in with normal standards'.

Some people want to use tantrum because of the pejorative connotation of unreasonable behaviour. It is a way of shaming children and families where children, due to cognitive differences, are unable to behave normatively.

😂

Where I'm from, people have been saying "oh my god, I'm going to have a meltdown" meaning I am going to blow my lid/ lose my cool for decades and decades, long before it was associated with nd.

They don't get to decide either.

I always under stood meltdown to mean that someone was about to proper explode (not literally) in an emotional sense. Totally "lose it".
And tantrum being something that you can negotiate away. Someone is mad because they have not got their own way.

From what I have seen nowadays, meltdown seems to mean something autistic people have when overwhelmed. I say people, and not children, as adults have meltdowns too. Some people think that adults should not be having them.

Thanks for this - I really think the idea that autistic children turn into autistic adults doesn't compute for some people. It's unpleasant having a meltdown as a child, but having one in a busy shopping centre as a middle-aged woman is seriously awful.

Absolutely! My partner is autistic and has meltdowns too (he is in his 50s). Awful to see, and once they start, so very hard to deal with. He has been filmed by people, banned from places... he sometimes copes by just lying on the floor, which some people think is hilarious.

But, he is expected to be able to regulate better as an adult. Adults have so many more demands on them than children. The sensory stuff is worse when you have had a stressful day at work on top of it.