Using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Has anyone noticed that nobody says tantrum anymore?

Every time a child has a tantrum, theres a parent saying they’re having a meltdown.

Theres a massive difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, but it appears hardly anybody likes to say their child is having a tantrum anymore.

Such a first world problem, but it really annoys me 🤣

Between us DS and I have been taken to hospital by ambulance about 4 times (we'll leave out all the walk-ins to A&E or the time we took DS to hospital in the buggy because he was fitting and stiff as a board and we couldn't get him in his carseat).
Both times DS had the blue lights because he was actively fitting.
Once I had blue lights on the way to me but a leisurely drive through traffic as I'd had a bike accident but was not in immediate danger.
The other time I did have the blue lights back to hospital because I wasn't making any sense and they weren't sure about a head injury.
So I'd say that was 3 blue lights and one not-rushed-to-hospital but "taken to A&E in an ambulance".

Seriously? It's the law of the land.

Irish travellers have been recognised as a distinct ethnic group within Ireland since 2017, so there's that. (They are genetically and historically Irish but split from the settled population centuries ago.) They are subject to a lot of racism, within Ireland as well as without.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/politics/oireachtas/travellers-formally-recognised-as-an-ethnic-minority-1.2994309

That’s not remotely the same as claiming “Irish” is widely regarded as an ethnicity, which it isn’t. As an Irish person.

I think it started off as a bit of an Americanism that has morphed in meaning slightly.

What @Mooneywoo said! The very fact that they are 'split from the settled population centuries ago' shows that Ireland is not comprised of only one ethnic group!

Unfortunately, that doesn't make it unflawed. There is no mention of xenophobia in the Equality Act, despite the fact that it is distinct from racism.

i couldn’t care less either way, but I think it’s because people still say things like a child had a tantrum in a negative way - it’s associated with children just kicking off because they didn’t get their own way. We know it’s actually so much more, but “meltdown” seems to be more socially acceptable and more encompassing of reasons children might be acting that way.

Both of my children have meltdowns (both SEND). DD also had the occasional tantrum, as did DS at her age.

It does irritate me when people describe a tantrum as a meltdown, I know my DC, I know the difference between an overstimulated loss of control, and a moment of arseholery, making snide comments in the background about tantrums/poor behaviour really doesn't help or achieve anything. That being said, that could be the precise reason is likely why people err on the side of caution and use the word meltdown over tantrum, to avoid conflict with a parent in an already potentially escalating situation.

That being said, I'm comfortable in admitting my children can and do have tantrums sometimes, it's a normal behavioural thing for the majority of children to some extent at least. Not everyone is. I deal with meltdowns and tantrums differently. Sadly my tantrum management seems to be the only effective part for DD, managing her meltdowns is extremely challenging at the moment.

I had no idea before reading this thread that 'meltdown' was a ND term. I would have used meltdown instead of tantrum just as I would describe myself as having a meltdown if it all got a bit much. I don't know anyone who is diagnosed autistic. I guess others are the same, I genuinely had no idea.

They’re two different things… a meltdown is very different to a tantrum. I am a mother to an autistic child; there’s a huge difference!

I use meltdown rather than tantrum as tantrum has negative connotations that it’s a ‘naughty’ child, rather than a child having a difficult time as they aren’t developed enough to control their emotions

I'm neurodivergent and it's a pet hate of mine. There's a huge difference and it's annoying that neurotypical parents have made the choice to take a word that is a way of explaining a uniquely ND experience and use it to describe perfectly typical poor behaviour.

As a parent to an ND teenager I can say they are 2 very different things. His tantrums would be outbursts, his meltdowns would result in inconsolable crying until he would crash out aaleep under the bed or on the worst place to get him out of. For some kids however a tantrum can be a meltdown. In this day and age there are so many kids now diagnosed a lot of people just assume their child has asd for example because they have an attitude. They don't realise sometime it's their parenting style and unless you spent years fighting the system to get a diagnosis you don't understand how frustrating that assumption is to nd parents.

If I hear "meltdown" I just imagine a tantrum. From what I've read, its basically the same thing.

Edited: I realise the reasons/ triggers might be different but outwardly, for an outsider, its an exact same thing.

Too many people call tantrums meltdowns. They don't want to be accused of bad parenting.

I think it’s the reverse of your opinion that has stirred up the controversy in the thread! You’re saying your SEND children can have both meltdowns and tantrums, the problem is the parents who think tantrums are rooted in arseholery but that neurotypical children only have tantrums and ND children are the only ones to have meltdowns.

The reality is all children will have a mix of both with ND children suffering from most likely more common meltdowns, triggered by less and escalating more. But that doesn’t mean NT children only throw tantrums vey as they don’t get what they want and can’t also suffer from overwhelm without it meaning they are misbehaving.

People also say stressed instead of worried, I assume it’s because they can get a sick note for stress and not for being worried. Example- when I did my exams years ago or did my driving test, I remember feeling worried, I never once used the word stressed!!

Exactly

My apologies for giving a wrong impression, I'm completely aware that ND children can have meltdowns (as can adults, anyone can get overwhelmed and overstimulated). I suppose my pointing out that my children have additional needs is defensive justification for my saying they have meltdowns that are different to tantrums.

Yes my children sometimes had/have tantrums, but more frequently they have meltdowns and I've often felt judged when they happen in public, which is where the majority of them happen as the environment is less controlled making them more vulnerable to overwhelm. I've had people make comments on my parenting within earshot, and sadly one person actually contact the police to say I had abandoned my son (about 2 years ago, mid meltdown DS had taken off his shoes and socks and was sitting against a low wall just outside of our local library, he needed space to calm down. I was about two meters away in the library doorway so I could see both him, and DD who was in the library happily participating in an organised activity. The man approached DS to ask if he was okay, I told him that DS was fine, and that he was with me, and just needed some space. It ended up in an increasingly heated discussion, me trying to explain why we were in that position, him yelling at me to grow up and discipline my child not abandon him because I was too lazy to tell him off. DS got more and more distressed, exacerbated by me then trying to physically move him into the library vestibule away from the man. He eventually rang the police to say I had abandoned him, despite me being in physical contact with him, trying to move him at the time. The police did attend, and were lovely about the whole thing when I explained. The library staff spoke with them and backed up my narrative, as did another parent who was on a bench nearby. It was an awful day, and a prime example of somebody labelling a meltdown as a tantrum).

Incidents like that do make me defensive, and quicker to jump to defensive behaviours in other circumstances.

NT children can have meltdowns too. I would consider a tantrum as loss of control and unable to regulate emotions but will subside if left alone for a bit. A meltdown is a loss of control and unable to regulate emotions but is more severe, intense and may not subside from being left alone.

I have a child with asd and I am sick and tired of the us vs them mentality that can go both ways. I value inclusivity and maybe we can all start by not being so harshly judgmental of each other.

FWIW tantrums are not bad behaviour. They are a normal part of development for toddlers. They are also simply a person’s inability to regulate their emotions which could be caused by any number of things. Having a tantrum isn’t necessarily caused by being spoiled or getting what you want whenever you throw a tantrum (although sometimes it can be).