Using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Has anyone noticed that nobody says tantrum anymore?

Every time a child has a tantrum, theres a parent saying they’re having a meltdown.

Theres a massive difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, but it appears hardly anybody likes to say their child is having a tantrum anymore.

Such a first world problem, but it really annoys me 🤣

This is what I was trying to say but nowhere near as well!

Unless it is obviously offensive (eg racist, homophobic etc) then we can’t expect everyone to know everything that might offend someone all of the time. IMO.

On a more general note, why do people not want these two words to be used differently? Isn't it better for language and communication to have many words with different connotations, so that we can be more precise?

I also agree with this. We should be precise with language. It happens with other health/neurological things too. We should never have used emotions to name illnesses, for example. Stress, anxiety and depression are normal feelings and using the same words for the illnesses trivialises the condition and reduces empathy.
For example at busy points of a school term, if I find out that a colleague is off work with Stress there's a part of me that gets reallyw ound up and thinks 'I'm stressed to the eyeballs, I can't do their work too, this isn't fair etc etc'. Whereas if I found out that they were off with '[insert specific, medical, possibly Latin term for Can't-function-anymore-itis here] then my reaction would be very different because I wouldn't relate their illness with my emotions. If that makes sense.

So yes, I think using the term Autistic meltdown is what should be done.

My SIL does this and it's really annoying. I have also had to tell BIL that when places offer a "quiet session" it's for people who can't cope with the noise of a regular session, not for him to read his newspaper in peace.

I find in general that people tend to use more dramatic words these days and I think the whole meltdown instead of tantrum thing is part of that. It's like people are always saying they were rushed to hospital and I think does nobody just think that injury probably needs stitching, wrap a teatowel around their hand and calmly make their way to the hospital any more?

I find quiet ignoring while staying within reach if it's safe works for both.
Toddler tantrums (and ND children can have them), don't give them what they think they want, don't talk to them
DS meltdowns, talking, reasoning, "I wonder why you're feeling that way" are all totally useless. Interaction prolongs it, partly because his dysregulation feeds off excitement and chaos, talk, arguing all lead to excitement.

It's none of your business why someone is off, they don't have to justify themselves to you. Knowing they have clinical depression/anxiety/stress is causing them physical illness isn't going to lighten your workload is it. Perhaps switch your resentment to the people in charge who make it so a colleague being off is an issue.

I didn't say toddler wasn't pissed off for a reason.

Well if people want to identify their kids as having melt downs it really bothers me not but I’m guessing that they have not seen a full ASD meltdown.

My son had one significant one at school and before that they were quite dismissive and thought that anyone could handle it.

He had a timetable change for enrichment.

It began with him approaching reception to see where he was meant to be.

There was confusion and he began to be distressed. At this stage he began to pace and flap.

Thjngs were unresolved so it went into the deeper meltdown - he began to frantically talk to himself whilst pacing - by now reception were calling support staff. It left reception staff very shaken let’s put it that way

In life when we see someone having an acute mental heath episode it looks different from a kid having a tantrum. The person on that moment is detached completely from their surrounding / as if out to sea.

By now he began to draw blood whilst banging his head repetitively and talking to himself and frantically moving around.

He knew that he had to re regulate - he went into a side room. He looked at the hands of a clock - by now support staff were on the case and observing.
Luckily his training kicked in - it was great to know that.

20 minutes of looking at the clock hands and he regulated

The clock gives certainty in an uncertain world of timetable change

If people want to identify themselves or their kids with soemone pacing taking to themselves and banging their heads etc that’s up to them. It’s not usual kiddy behaviour. When you see it you see it and it’s quite something else. Sometimes there can be a huge flight response and no awareness of anything - NT kids tend to retain some awareness and don’t lose all awareness of themselves and their surroundings.

Mind you if everyone wants to jump on the ASD bandwagon - shut downs might be the other way. Oddly people don’t say ‘I had a complete shut down’ doesn’t seem to be so trendy.
Normally we get that and that’s far scarier. You end up with a son or daughter who has morphed into a gargoyle. I dread the thought of a deep shut down as it can result into the person with ASD becoming completely withdrawn from the World.

I also agree with this. People are always being "blue-lighted" to hospital on here.

I don't know what the answer is, as it seems that some people really don't want to be more precise with their language and are even somewhat angry about the idea, even though many other people have tried to explain how a meltdown feels different from a tantrum. In real life, I suppose people will just keep using them interchangeably. It's a shame it's so hard to have a discussion about these sorts of things though.

Sorry to hear this, it must have been very distressing for your son and I empathise deeply. Having such an understanding parent must be a great help to him. I also now as an adult am more likely to have shutdowns than meltdowns (although have had a couple of embarrassing meltdowns recently) but didn't want to muddy the waters by raising that topic and risking drawing more ire about claiming words.

From my experience I first encountered the word meltdown used by professionals in the context of diagnostic interviews for autism. They certainly understood the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. I was never asked if my child was prone to tantrums. A meltdown was always referred to in response to normal every day experiences that would be unlikely to provoke a tantrum and very useful to professionals to understand the level of overload, often sensory, that the child was experiencing. Like putting on socks and shoes. All socks (with seams) and shoes resulted in extreme emotional outburst every day. Not that the child wanted to wear a particular pair of socks or shoes.

Most posters will not recognise the difference because they have not been quizzed by professionals wanting accuracy.

They are exaggerating and using hyperbole - perhaps wanting to pretend that they could not have parented differently.

It's annoying but no harm done - I doubt they would report to a medical prof that they had a fit or a heart attack or panic attack or were blind or that their child had regular meltdowns over little things if this were not the case.

Exactly, that’s why awareness needs to be raised so people won’t need to get annoyed unnecessarily.

I’m looking forward to the day when NT people claim psychosis for their kids as well - why not let’s claim all these words.

eg my son was so psychotic!

let’s trendify schizophrenia and bi polar whilst we are at it - ( some people have started doing this)

I find it hilarious as let’s be frank they would be the first ones running for cover or looking shocked of they were exposed to either someone having a psychotic event or an ASD adult having a full meltdown.

Melt downs are scary for the PA and staff who have to deal with them. They are pretty scary for parents but we learn to watch, remove to a safe place if possible and in my sons case look for something that is consistent eg hands of a watch. The person who undergoes the meltdown is scared and tired.

Its a really scary process and they don’t want it and they learn at college how to thwart it eg my son his watch or a clock

It’s not a really tired child refused an ice cream

it’s someone who lives their life feeling like they are floating and everything is confusing and distorted. Their comfort is certainty eg patterns and timetables etc

We have just returned to building works from holiday and I’m overwhelmed with sorting it all out. My son wants a deep discussion about Mussolini whilst I’m trying to source tiles. He needs that because history is comforting / rigid etc. I was rushing to a shop and found myself forced to engage in the most bizarre conversations about how people did not realise the evil machinations a of Mussolini.

As a parent of someone with ASD your life can be surreal eg you are mourning your own parents but the person with AsD has to that moment talk about the Minoan period.

ASD proper is too complex to educate people on mums net.

There are times when as a parent you can be with your child and feel so alone as they are in a different world to you.

@BogusHocusPocus I have childcare and education qualifications so it's come up during study . Plus I guess observation of the children I work with and my own children (nt and nd)

Basically a tantrum is "I want things my way"

A meltdown is "I can't cope"

A toddler feeling overwhelmed isn’t being pissed of though.

People aren't denying there's a difference though, just that it's simply a word and not that serious. I'm not sure where you've been the past few decades but plenty of people use words like schizo, psycho for innocuous things; as someone who's been sectioned several times with a myriad of MH illnesses can't say people using the term flippantly really makes my experience magically better.

"Meltdown" is not a technical term, however much some people have recently come to want it to be. It just means "very big reaction". Colloquially, a meltdown is bigger than a tantrum - but neither are technical terms.

My autistic son taught me the true meaning of meltdowns, and with my older two kids I'd only ever experienced tantrums.

I'm sure NT can experience extreme emotional dysregulation to this degree but if it's happening regularly then it's probably part of a disorder which would likely mean they're not NT.

this is true for adults perhaps, but small children can experience extreme emotional dysregulation whether neurodivergent or not.

Meltdowns aren't only had by autistic children. The best definition of a tantrum is that it stops once the cause has been addressed. Meltdowns carry on even if the reason has been addressed often because the children has forgotten what they wanted.

Yes I realise this is your interpretation but my question was how you arrived at these definitions. Did your definitions appear in a psychology textbook, childcare manual, or early years reading list, for example?

See also:

Devastated instead of upset
Terrified instead of worried
Absolutely livid instead of cross

“I feel like death”

Is this offensive to the dead? those recently bereaved?

But because people have recently come to want it to be, that means it can be. The meanings of words change. If enough people want it to be and use it in that way, it could be redefined. I don't understand why people object to this concept. All words are made up.

Interesting, I've used meltdown my whole life as the word for throwing a strop. I always thought tantrum was the posh southern word for a meltdown!

Edited as I was trying to acknowledge the interesting comment from @autienotnaughty