Using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Has anyone noticed that nobody says tantrum anymore?

Every time a child has a tantrum, theres a parent saying they’re having a meltdown.

Theres a massive difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, but it appears hardly anybody likes to say their child is having a tantrum anymore.

Such a first world problem, but it really annoys me 🤣

I parent a ND child and yes I refer to meltdown as it gives differentiation to what others may consider a tantrum.

We use the terms as society has developed them. But the definitions still mean the same thing.

Looked at a few dictionary definitions and they all seem similar to this one:

	the melting of a significant portion of a nuclear-reactor core due to inadequate cooling of the fuel elements, a condition that could lead to the escape of radiation.


a quickly developing breakdown or collapse:

<span class="italic">a bond-market meltdown;</span>
<span class="italic">the meltdown of a marriage.</span>


<span class="italic">Informal.</span> a sudden loss of control over one&rsquo;s feelings or behavior:

<span class="italic">My toddler had a meltdown when I tried to leave the house.</span>

Meltdown is most certainly not in the same bracket as "having a paddy" given it's not a racist slur.

Dictionaries lag behind real-world usage.

Thank you @Babbahabba

When a dictionary says 'informal' it means 'slang'.

Nobody had 'meltdowns' twenty years ago. The word wasn't fashionable then.

well usage by “some”

I agree OP as a parent of an NT child and one with ASD.

One of the dictionary definitions of "meltdown":

Informal. a sudden loss of control over one’s feelings or behavior:
My toddler had a meltdown when I tried to leave the house.

Although it's used in the autistic community to mean one thing, it doesn't mean it can be gate kept and others shouldn't use the phrase, in it's usual informal meaning.

I say this as someone who is ND. Those within the ND community consider "meltdown" to mean a specific thing. Others conflate it with tantrum. I use meltdown when my niece has a strop, sometimes I'll say "she's having a a bitch/throwing a tanty/got a cob on" etc.

Obviously I know that 'having a paddy' has negative nationalist connotations.

That doesn't mean that the phrase isn't used colloquially, in the vernacular.

Nobody had 'meltdowns' twenty years ago. The word wasn't fashionable then.

My mother would describe us as having meltdowns over 40 years ago!

I have 3 children and I honestly did not realise 'meltdown' was a specific term relating to ND children. I have used the phrase for tantrums in children and adults, I've described myself almost having a 'meltdown' at work when I've had a particularly awful day. I always thought it was derived from nuclear reactor meltdowns, when did that change?

The word tantrum is provocative; it has significant negative connotations and suggests zero empathy/ consideration for the child.

you “didn’t realise”
but it’s not the case that it is a “specific” term for ND children

Oh wow it's just a word... I always say my kids are having a meltdown or a breakdown, when they're having a tantrum, but in a jokey/sarcastic way as in oh they're just being dramatic.

Yes, that's often true. However, in this case, in the real world, many or most people use meltdown and tantrum interchangeably or tend to just use meltdown. So in fact the dictionaries are up-to-date with real-world usage.

A 'meltdown' is a figurative term. If it isn't meant literally anyway and is an approximate description, it can hardly hold some kind of protected status that means it must not be applied elsewhere as wanted or needed.

And honestly, ND or not, all kids start by struggling to regulate behaviour and emotions and the actions you can see are very similar whether you want to single ND kids out further by giving them a special word for how they're presenting to strangers.

It isn't!

I think some people think it's like referring to someone who likes things clean as being "a bit OCD", but it isn't at all.

Oh, yes, I just meant that using dictionary definitions to prove a point about real-world word usage is not ideal, as a general idea.

But meltdown has another meaning in addition to this.

They are both just that parts of the brain have been overloaded and are unable to continue rationally.
You are getting new information from your child about their state of mind.
The response I would use to either would be to get down on their level and regulate them at their own pace and then use that time to decide a plan of action what to do next eg get them a snack, get them home, let them nap, etc etc. Or maybe just carry on with the task having reconnected with them.
The thing I don't like about the word tantrum is it's been around a while and the old fashioned implication in many people's minds that your child is trying something and there will be only one winner and you need to make sure you put your foot down to make sure it's you.
Where meltdown doesn't really have that connotation as it's a pretty new word so you can be more open to work with your child to deal with it.
I suspect the people who don't like the word meltdown feel that way because they want to put the blame on the parent for not coming down harshly on the child due to their less up to date views on the appropriate relationship between the child and parent.

Maybe 15-20 years ago.

It's not an actual, properly defined instance of behaviour. It's just slang.

'Meltdown' used to mean 'total collapse' (eg of machines, processes, transactions, financial markets, etc. Gradually, it's meaning broadened to include 'collapse of behaviour'.

I suspect it was favoured over 'tantrum' because
(1) it sounds less pejorative, and
2) it was a vogue word that started to trend.

It has now gained such traction, through repeated widespread use, I expect the dictionaries will drop the prefix 'informal' very soon.

It annoys me too. My ASD son can have meltdowns, thankfully much much less the older he gets, but when he was young he also had tantrums. I could tell the difference as they were two very different things. It annoys me when meltdown is used for a tantrum and anyone offended by that are probably saying their kids have meltdowns when they are just tantrums.

DD is autistic and as a pre-schooler to mid-primary school age she definitely had both. I can clearly distinguish between them, I used both in conversations and if you wouldn't know me or DD then you could think I use them interchangable.

Tantrums died down until she started being a teen and thought she knew everything. Meltdowns carried on until now and will for the rest of her life most likely.

We seem to have lost the capacity to be fed up, annoyed, pissed off etc, everything has now to be analysed to the n'th degree and given some, often, spurious medical interpretation.

Yanbu this drives me nuts too op. My friend insisted her toddler was 'melting down' outside my house but really she was just having a bit of a moment then carried on 🤷🏻‍♀️