Using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Has anyone noticed that nobody says tantrum anymore?

Every time a child has a tantrum, theres a parent saying they’re having a meltdown.

Theres a massive difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, but it appears hardly anybody likes to say their child is having a tantrum anymore.

Such a first world problem, but it really annoys me 🤣

but if this toddler never usually did this, then to that mum, her child was having a meltdown

Re toddler tantrums, I’ve just remembered a long ago incident when a friend brought her just 2 year old to play with my ditto, and have lunch.

After she’d finished the main, whatever it was, friend’s dd started asking for ‘pudding’. She couldn’t explain exactly what she wanted - my offers of fruit or yoghurt etc. were spurned, and soon her demands for ‘Pudding! Pudding! Pudding!’ had turned to anguished screams of frustration.

Friend and I were both getting a bit desperate, wondering what on earth else to offer - when friend finally noticed a big packet of cornflakes on top of a kitchen cupboard.

Instant peace! Cornflakes were ‘pudding’. Talk about relief!

I am not convinced that a neurotypical three-year-old undergoing a "tantrum" is necessarily having a significantly different psychological experience from an autistic person of any age having a "meltdown".

Any human can, in principle, have an emotional outburst when overwhelmed. Both small children and autistic people get overwhelmed more easily than other humans.

I would use tantrum. But I think meltdown seems to be used more by younger folk. Tantrum implies naughtiness.

According to lots of posts on MN. The term meltdown, referring to it happening to people with ASD, and posters correcting people who use it about other situations, appears on so many threads that I actually assumed meltdown was a medical term. It's only from this thread that I've learnt that it's not.

Our very wise learning mentor at school says that the test of whether it's a tantrum or a meltdown is what would happen if you gave in?

So little Stanley begins to get distressed because he can't have crisps.

If he is then given crisps and he instantly stops it was a tantrum.

If he cannot control his distress enough to take the crisps he wanted it's a melt down.

The two would be parented differently so regardless if the words we use it is useful to draw a distinction.

We have many parents who tiptoe around their child giving in to everything in order to avoid an outward expression of emotion and it's unhelpful regardless of whether they are NT or ND.

doesn’t sound “very wise” to me 🤷

It’s not a specific terms for ND children. Only on MN where a considerable number of posters try to relate any behavioural challenges to ND causes, which makes a mockery of the genuine families struggling with these conditions.
Some people are actively looking for things to feel offended by.

Thanks for that thoughtful and reasoned response @jetbot it was fairly predictable
She definitely is though!

she “definitely” is 😆

My child comes under meltdown though supposedly NT. She has no control and wouldn't calm down if offered them in fact would be more likely to throw them.

Tantrums can also be involuntarily and a response to overstimulation and difficult to soothe. This is v common.

It does feel different, because when you're having a meltdown, it's totally out of your control until it passes. It's quite frightening - you can to some extent see it happening but you can't stop it. I haven't had a tantrum since childhood but remember that they could be calmed by receiving the outcome I wanted, or would pass with a little time. Once a meltdown starts, it's too late to provide the wanted outcome.

Edit: although where I disagree with some people is that I think neurotypical people can also have meltdowns. I think it's just different from a tantrum.

On a more general note, why do people not want these two words to be used differently? Isn't it better for language and communication to have many words with different connotations, so that we can be more precise?

People use all sorts of language incorrectly. I don't think it's often worth getting wound up about.

I feel depressed
He/she is a narcissist
I'm starving
I would rather die
I'm blind without my glasses

It's just hyperbole. We all do it.

On a more general note, why do people not want these two words to be used differently? Isn't it better for language and communication to have many words with different connotations, so that we can be more precise?

That's one way of looking at it. The other way is that it's people trying to control language, and stop people from using words or phrases that they have been saying for years for no other reason than "that's our word now, you can't use it anymore".

A tantrum is a reaction to not liking something usually when the person can't communicate their annoyance/anger more appropriately or feel they can use it to get what they want

A meltdown is a feeling of overwhelm due to circumstances beyond control . There's no manipulation or control with in it

But did you see my other point? I don't think only ND people "can" have meltdowns, just that they are two distinct experiences.

The world is going mad and I just can't keep up!

By 1934 we will all be sitting in silence too scared to utter any words for fear of offence! Or worse filtering everything through AI so we all sound like robots.

Yanbu this drives me nuts too op.

Interesting that you should use a phrase that developed in the mid 19th century to mean 'insane'

A classic example of language evolving, as I'm going to assume you don't mean it has caused you to suffer from a severe mental illness?

How, to the untrained eyes, to distinguish ND & NT children? Especially when physicians & professionals often misdiagnose till later stage?

Think also about the collocations.

A child 'throws a tantrum', which suggests it's somehow within their control.

But a child simply 'has' or even 'suffers' a meltdown. Which sanitises the outburst somewhat.

In reality there's no difference.

A child having a tantrum is equally not in control of his / her behaviour.

Hahaha

No, absolutely not. But I don't think it happens every day all the time for NT people.

However, when my son can't function his legs can stop and he can drop to the floor, he can run into danger like oncoming traffic, he doesn't know which way is up and which way is down, he will cry and scream like there are ants under his skin eating away at him as I have to stop him clawing and picking and pulling at himself. These instances last HOURS and they're exhausting for days. The trigger is usually to do with sensory input and not because of a failure in negotiations, although when plans change or things don't go quite as expected they can also happen and it's not something he can control and it's not done with the intent to manipulate a situation either.

My sons emotional outbursts mean he can be too exhausted to tolerate school, or being out of the house or sometimes even being out of bed.

I think it's important to have a word that distinguishes the sorts of impacts these levels of emotional dysregulation has, and the word loses importance when it's used to describe emotional dysregualtion that doesn't necessarily have catastrophic consequences which is what most ND parents consider the word to mean.

I've already said I hate the word tantrum, I don't think it's apt. I think when children are acting like something is the worst thing that's ever happened to them it probably is because that's the worst thing to ever happen to them so far in their lives so I think dysregulation is normal and it's a healthy amount of dysregulation for the event that caused it.

Well the parents using the term usually know which applies.

Where have you read this distinction?

Or do you mean that this is how you personally distinguish between the two words, and bring each term into focus?