To find it hard to maintain friendships with people who have had abusive relationships?

[Newlifeincoming]

I have a close friend, a guy, whose previous relationship was quite abusive. We were very close, but I’ve noticed that whenever we have disagreements he tends to retreat and goes silent, actively ignoring me for a few days to a week. He’s explained that his reaction is influenced by the abuse he experienced, as he’s very conflict-avoidant now. He’s always apologetic and explains himself once he comes out of his silence.

I’m struggling with this dynamic and finding it challenging to maintain our friendship, even though I understand where he’s coming from.

AIBU to feel this way, or is it a common issue when dealing with friends who have had similar experiences?

I understand why you might think that but he has expressed that he’s very much “into me.” The situation is more complex than that. I appreciate your perspective but the issues we’re facing are more about how we communicate and handle conflicts, rather than feelings or interest levels.

This is possibly the most self obsessed and entitled thing I have ever met on MN.

I doubt that. Get a grip, stop jumping to conclusions and projecting.

Yes, but you must have been talking or, or doing something in order for these 'misunderstandings' to take place! I agree with a pp. The way you talk about this makes it sound as if a conversation about what you did at the weekend is like some kind of international treaty negotiation! What are all these misunderstandings that keep happening?

This is an A.I. isn’t it? The constant repetition of the same stock phrases without any detail. The harping on about communication issues while at the same time not really communicating anything except different perspectives and feelings and reflection and other buzzwords. It’s really weird.

I’ve addressed this in another comment to Gary. Keep up.

No.

I’m about to depart for a holiday now. Thank you to those who have left constructive comments. The rest of you can fuck off. I won’t be seeing the rest of the comments.

I’m about to depart for a holiday now. Thank you to those who have left constructive comments. The rest of you can fuck off. I won’t be seeing the rest of the comments.

Yes, I would say so! It is odd to read isn't it. At first read it seems like the response is real, and then if you look more closely, it is always just missing the point and the same stock ideas are repeated over and over again. In a way, it is quite interesting to see in action.