To just be so, so fed up of where I live:(

[GenuineRocks]

It wasn't so bad previously but really changed over the past 6 years or so. I grew up on a farm in on the edge of town and it felt like such a different world. Moved away after uni and only came back to assist when our parents were ill, and managed to get stuck here after.

It feels awful to see what was once a decent place go so much downhill. I don't even recognise the people, it is like another world, just so angry and loud and quite violent. What was once my closest town centre has become a drug infested hell hole, and the crime rate is climbing rapidly.

But what is most depressing is the vibe, everywhere outdoors is miserable, and I am not exaggerating. Constant sirens (only in the past few yrs) and police. Extremely loud, aggressive sounding vehicles, shouting and screaming in public, litter and shit everywhere.

I used to blame government for this kind of thing, policy, etc. But I don't know now. I see a growing culture of entitlement and selfishness all around. Maybe it's just this place? Of course the town centre died, like many have, but the trouble and violence that is visible is quite new here. It isn't all poverty, in fact it is a high rent area, and yet people really don't care.

I feel so depressed about this, yet know it is pointless. Life goes on and it isn't worth worrying about. Live and let live. But until we move, it has affected me to some extent, and even our own street has changed in the past few yrs.
It's like an alien place, that I don't recognise.
I long to be out of it, but reading some other posts I see this is common in many places.

I suppose it just got too much this past month, we have a new business opened in the street that revs all day, and how someone thought this was ok to go ahead I have no idea. Most of the original neighbours moved, and there is so much pet neglect , dog shit and litter here it feels hopeless.

Just fed up.

It really winds me up that working families can get Universal Credit to cover rent for a landlord, but they aren't allowed the same money towards their own mortgage. That UC is already paying for someone's mortgage, so why not the working family? Why are benefits subsidising the wrong people?

If someone works full time and needs benefits to meet their basic bills, and would otherwise meet the criteria to buy, I for one would like the money to go to them. Longterm, that would also reduce the benefits bill as repayments and inflation mean mortgages shrink - rents always go up. It would mean fewer old people relying on Pension Tax Credits just to cover the rent, too.

For everyone's sake, contributions to mortgages along the same terms as we presently do rent makes sense to me.

We own, but we had original help from family to do that. That's not something everyone can access.

Yes, I think it's the lack of basic curtesy and consideration for others that is behind much of this. A particularly grim example in my local area is people pooing in the local country park. Its clearly human 💩 because its usually accompanied by a couple of soiled wipes or tissues. I don't think it can be homeless people because it's some way out of the town. Its just revolting and its been a growing problem over the last few years.

I have a theory that reduced face-to-face interactions with other people are contributing to this lack of respect for other people (not just pooing in the woods, but the litter, the aggression, the noise etc). So many of the small everyday encounters where you would greet a relative stranger, look them in the eye and see a human being, ask them for something, say please and thank you, have gone. For example, buying a ticket from a ticket office or the bus driver instead of swiping in and out. Chatting to the cashier while they scanned your shopping instead of self-scanning and paying via a screen at the end. Having to ring somebody on the house phone and exchange pleasantries with your friend's mum before she called your friend to talk to you, rather than just messaging your friend on her mobile. Walking over to Dave in Accounts' desk with a payroll query and hearing about the big match on Saturday, rather than just emailing him. Humans are social animals, and I think our social skills and our feeling of being part of a community are reinforced by these frequent small exchanges. Like muscles, our social skills and sense of community atrophy if not used. If we no longer interact with people outside our immediate family and friends, if we walk around in a bubble with headphones in, not making eye contact or smiling, I think we stop caring about other people and considering the effect on them of our actions.

My FIL runs something that could be described as that at their church. It is a breakfast once a fortnight for men 55+ - it's a chance for them to go along, have a breakfast, meet up, chat. They can stay on and read the paper, help with the church garden or make stuff in the 'shed' where they do bits of woodwork. Occasionally they have a guest speaker or a local walk. FIL says there are lots of men 55+ who are lonely and find socialising difficult.

I actually think you have hit the money a little bit. Because I am quite housebound at the minute due to a few things. But what I have found is I have gone slightly a bit feral. The way I talk to people I don't like the way I come across I do have mental health issues as well and I think that the more you are isolated. The more it's harder not that I have ever done anything. What you re talking about either.
But you talk about people pooing in the forest Do you think it's possible because a lot of councils nowadays have shut toilets? I am not saying it's an excuse, but people can be caught short. I think that a lot of places now i've noticed there's not a lot of toilets about

@GenuineRocks I could have written your post almost word for word!

We moved into our house nearly 20 years ago when it was newly built. Nice area, new schools, a mix of housing, and generally a feeling of optimism about the area.
I was out walking the other day with my elderly mum and several times we nearly got flattened by teens riding electric bikes/ scooters on the pavement - usually wearing full face balaclavas for added intimidation. There is litter everywhere, especially around benches. It's as though people can't walk ten steps to the bin to dispose of their Maccies bags and Starbucks cups. Nobody seems to care.
I agree about the road noise as well! Super loud motorbikes and cars revving up at the lights and then just racing up and down the road. Police do nothing about it. You can hear the noise through double glazed windows so can't have them open, even in summer.

Eighteen months ago a teenage boy was stabbed to death in our street by a gang of other lads, the youngest was only 14.

Maybe it's a societal problem. The main issues around here seems to be caused by young(er) people, i.e those who were small children or not yet born, when the area was new 20 years ago. Now they're all growing up, terrorising people with electric scooters, passing driving tests and buying noisy vehicles etc! Because honestly, I have only noticed this so badly in the last two or three years. (before anyone jumps on me, I am not saying that all young people are problematic or anti-social!) There just seems to be an air of entitlement everywhere - 'I want to do something so I'll do it, I don't care if it adversely affects other people'. But when did this start and where did it come from?

No, but I'm not going to paint the outside of my rented home so that will contribute to the area looking run down.

Whenever I go the city centre, which is vibrant, there's always crazies milling about, clearly addicts and mental health issues who in the past would be in treatment centres. And all the homeless as well. It's depressing.

Shame they blot your look hey crazies honestly it's sad actually very sad

That sounds brilliant, I love it.

That's very depressing. I don't know where you live (assuming UK) but I feel it's happening all over the country. I find it very sad and deeply concerning. Something needs to be done.
There is a hell of a lot if poverty and many very angry and disaffected people (we saw this during the riots). It scares me to be honest.

No, but wouldn"t you paint it for your own satisfaction, to take pride in your home, to make your DCs proud of where they live and happy to bring their friends round ?

I agree with this. It is especially true for young people who, if they are playing computer games, can spend days with no human contact.We are losing the skills that build societies and hold them together.
This is compounded by so many of our 'pastimes' now being online or at home.
Places where people came together with shared values and interests have hugely decreased attendances- churches, scouts, girl guides, WI, pubs, social clubs, political groups, evening classes, libraries. Over the last 30 years their numbers have dropped by 50%+ in many cases. They were places people had similar interests, there was a structure, they learned together, talked, shared ideas, built communities small and large. Now people slump on the sofa on phones and tablets or play games or possible go to the gym do a couple of circuits alone and do home.
We are breaking up our society and communities.

This is a good point. Most landlords do the absolute bare minimum of upkeep and tenants aren't going to spend their money on keeping a property looking nice, partly because they don't have any left from paying rent (average rent is now 1200pcm) or because you don't know if the landlord will decide to sell up straight after, see you've improved the rental potential of a property and so put the rent up out of your reach, move you on so they can put someone in who will pay more rent.

@FlowersOfSulphur completely agree. I had this exact conversation with DD13 yesterday, hopefully some of it went in. I honestly wish we did not have WiFi.

Children are losing functionality and their oracy skills are terrible compared to even 10 years ago. Adults are setting a terrible example, I think because many of them (at least round here) are sad, depressed, skint, isolated and frightened of offending/saying the wrong thing. There is no banter anymore, or you have to work really really hard to have any kind of conversation because people just stare at their phones moronically.

I know why you're taking the piss out of the PP - but have a similar experience to her - I also live across 3 places as she does and they are all more chichi than they would have been a generation back (2 would have been positively rough when I was a kid)

I think though what has happened is that the rich/poor divide has grown and public funding to keep public spaces nice has vastly shrunk - so if you in an area without much money, I can imagine you can really see that.

I hope you can move soon, and that the town gets something to lift it

This thread is sad but I think most people have made a lot of good points. The UK seems increasingly run down and depressed for all the reasons that have been mentioned - austerity, huge cuts to public service, selling of all the council house stock, the pandemic/lockdowns and the excessive greed of the 1% and governments pandering to them to name a few.

I don’t want to remain here but I’m not sure where I want to go. I like hot weather so maybe somewhere in a low cost hot country if I can get some more remote work.I’m not sure if anywhere is that great atm. Some of these issues seem to be a global crisis to an extent.

I wonder where you live? Has your area gone downhill for some reason? Or became "gentrified" and now has too many transient residents who are not interested in connecting with anyone/ anything? Because, having lived in different areas of the country for the last 20-odd years, I haven't noticed anything this drastic. Nice areas and cute expensive villages are still nice, small town centres are still full of drunks and crap on weekend eve, and London is still an exciting and huge city where you have to have your wits about you.

There might be an air or hopelessness around because of the economy, wars, and general lack of positivity in the news and personal lives of many people; but this shall pass, I'm sure as nothing lasts forever.

The only thing that I can say is scary and worrying is the amount of stabbings. I cant remember it being this bad 20 years ago but maybe it wasn't reported as much (and we had no access to live online news).

There is a lack of policing which contributes massively to decline.
Most people don't need the threat of police to behave well-they naturally police themselves but there are a growing number who need a threat in order to behave because they won't do it naturally.

There are no police about and ordinary people are too frightened to approach those who behave badly for feat of getting assaulted. Often they do have knives, another reason why the SUS laws should be resurrected now.

In addition, there are too many excuses made for bad behaviour-such as I can't stop my child screaming at all hours of the day and night. A poster complained about this problem recently and of the most popular replies was that she should buy ear plugs!

Disrespectful children at school -of all ages- are excused on the grounds that they might be neuro diverse and while I think that this is a factor in some cases, it certainly isn't in all cases- another excuse. Now of course, more and more adults claim that they too are neuro diverse. Some will be correct, for others it's bollocks.

People are too scared to intervene to help a decent person if they get try to tell a scrote off-they pretend it isn't happening. That should end. If a shit on a train is behaving badly, there will normally be more decent people than shits, so they should all approach him or at least cheer on those who do.

I would like to see a situation where the police are on the beat, they actually arrest rather than have a chat and where the local community are not frightened to take action against the small minority.

So, for example, in the case of the OP having to listen to a child screaming, or loud music, or fucking and blinding-the whole street should turn up at the offender's door and tell them to stop whatever the fuck they are doing-aggressively if needs be.
Wringing hands, asking politely with these shits is the wrong approach entirely.

Speaking of shit, I would like to see a similar situation where the dog owner who leaves dog shit wakes up the next morning to see that the community has left a kilo of dog shit on their door step.

I do think communities-backed by a local police force- have to take back control but sadly, it's not going to happen

Respect is earned. Obviously I treat everyone kindly, but I don’t respect people just because they’re older than me. Some of the rudest, most entitled people I’ve known have been my ‘elders.’

Its 17 years of Austerity plus corporate greed plus the internet plus Pandemic.
So frontline services slashed, public spaces closed or left to crumble ( social care, schools, libraries, hospitals, leisure centres).
In pocket computers dictating the way we live- self check in/out, apps meaning we don’t have to interact with other people so become alienated.
No police on the street so chavs can race cars and sell drugs all day long with no consequences.
More online “services” after Covid so more isolation and less community.
Pubs and post offices and community centres closing. ( Ours got sold to developers who knocked it down and built expensive houses).
The 3 houses naice village post on page one perfectly illustrates the fact that community activities now often seem to be confined to extremely middle class pockets of privilege whereas things like community centres used to be active hubs everywhere.
I feel instinctively that the solutions are: never vote Tory, get involved in real life and work to bring interaction among humans back where possible.
I still believe we can improve things if we get out there and try.

Those blaming it on poverty enrages me.
My family were dirt poor, my grandfather out of work in Thatcher's England .
Did we behave like animals because we didn't have a penny to scratch our arses with-no we didn't.

Why not-because we had more respect for ourselves. We were not animals. Did we resent those who had money. No, because we had more self respect.
Did my parents talk back at school, no they didn't because they were able to behave.

It is all an excuse. No money. Tough. Behave.

I grew up during Thatchers Britain, and there were many people behaving badly. There were some estates near me that were notorious - burnt cars, violent behaviour, drugs, murders etc. The kids from these estates caused a lot of problems at school.
Of course, not everyone who's poor behaves like this. I grew up in poverty as did many of my friends. We behaved well and did well for ourselves.
However, we simply can't ignore the fact that many people are living awful lives, without any hope that things will ever change. They grow up in violent households. Not loving homes.
We can't ignore the link between poverty and antisocial behaviour. Yes I grew up poor but I also grew up with decent and loving parents. That's the difference. Many aren't so lucky.

I grew up in Thatchers Britain too in a fairly notorious pocket of the North.
BUT.
There were very low cost evening classes, buses that weren’t cancelled last minute for no reason, well equipped libraries, sports clubs, community centres, lots more council housing ( and you didn’t have to be needy they were just low income housing for everyone who didn’t own).
There were local pubs that were well attended and thriving.
Obviously Thatcher and her government did her best to destroy most of that, but I still think there was a level of community cohesion that no longer exists in a lot of places.
I will add though that everyone saw it as their right to tell kids off. If teens were being rowdy on the bus the driver would stop the bus and threaten to kick them off. The last time I was on a bus with rowdy kids I asked the driver if he was going to do anything and he said “ we’re not allowed” . Worry about being stabbed. No one challenges bad behaviour anymore due to fear of either violence or TikTok.

I do it the other way around, I'll give you respect and then everyone gets an even footing, across the board, everyone gets respect.
Then it's up to the individual to keep it, if they do something unworthy of respected its lost. Makes my life easier 😂

Hi @GenuineRocks. I had this. Moved back to home town for family reasons. Stayed for 7 years but frankly the place just wore me down. It didn’t used to be the place it is now. All the things you describe. I was so miserable I barely left the house for anything apart from work and food shop.

In short, I sold up and moved, to a different town only 30 mins away (same house price, same commute, within easy reach of family) but the result on my MH has been utterly transformative.

Same economic and social challenges as most places round here (up north) but a community and a location I feel safe in. If you can move, do it.

I wish you well X