To just be so, so fed up of where I live:(

[GenuineRocks]

It wasn't so bad previously but really changed over the past 6 years or so. I grew up on a farm in on the edge of town and it felt like such a different world. Moved away after uni and only came back to assist when our parents were ill, and managed to get stuck here after.

It feels awful to see what was once a decent place go so much downhill. I don't even recognise the people, it is like another world, just so angry and loud and quite violent. What was once my closest town centre has become a drug infested hell hole, and the crime rate is climbing rapidly.

But what is most depressing is the vibe, everywhere outdoors is miserable, and I am not exaggerating. Constant sirens (only in the past few yrs) and police. Extremely loud, aggressive sounding vehicles, shouting and screaming in public, litter and shit everywhere.

I used to blame government for this kind of thing, policy, etc. But I don't know now. I see a growing culture of entitlement and selfishness all around. Maybe it's just this place? Of course the town centre died, like many have, but the trouble and violence that is visible is quite new here. It isn't all poverty, in fact it is a high rent area, and yet people really don't care.

I feel so depressed about this, yet know it is pointless. Life goes on and it isn't worth worrying about. Live and let live. But until we move, it has affected me to some extent, and even our own street has changed in the past few yrs.
It's like an alien place, that I don't recognise.
I long to be out of it, but reading some other posts I see this is common in many places.

I suppose it just got too much this past month, we have a new business opened in the street that revs all day, and how someone thought this was ok to go ahead I have no idea. Most of the original neighbours moved, and there is so much pet neglect , dog shit and litter here it feels hopeless.

Just fed up.

You shouldn't have to own a home in order to behave in a civilised manner. This is just a red herring!

I think what you describe must be happening in other places in the UK (which is sad) but in plenty it isn’t. There are nice places to live. It sounds like you need to prioritise moving.

The PP that described the nice place they live seems to be getting a lot of grief. They explained their experience to show that there is a different experience depending on where you live. I can relate much more to that post than the OP.

Where I live there is an annual produce show, scarecrow trail and beer festival where the community get together. There are some empty shops/restaurants on the high street but they do get filled in time mostly. It isn’t a noisy place. The local Facebook groups get annoyed by people parking badly or dog poo not picked up, speeding etc. I am 30minutes drive out of the city though so that probably makes a difference.

They sound like a very good thing.

Perhaps people are laughing at them because they don't realise they are a mental health initiative rather than some kind of middle class froufrou bollocks.

My beautiful home town is unrecognisable from my youth. I moved. You are spot on though about entitlement etc. my community is a lovely place to live but there are community action groups working to keep the place nice. People look after their homes and gardens, look out for each other and children play out all the time safely. I do miss what my home town was and never imagined I’d leave but it was absolutely a good decision.

I had started to feel the same OP. We have a little estate built in our village and there is drug dealing, constantly screaming cars, litter thrown from car windows every weekend, dog dirt.

We've started to fight back. The grit bin the yobs overturned every weekend has now been cemented into the ground (request to council highways dept).

Every time we see drug dealing, we text the local PCSO car details, photos etc. Teenagers smashing things or cars dumping rubbish on the kerb, more photos to the PCSO. People not picking up after their dog get outed on the village face book page.

Some of us do an occasional litter pick. Last weekend I spent time cutting back vegetation so the speed limit signs and the School, Children, Slow sign are visible to drivers. The borough council is too stretched to do it and term was starting. It only took an hour.

Join your parish council or community group. You need some belligerent oldies with time on their hands to make life generally uncomfortable for the low lifes who are ruining your area.

We have a group of women who run monthly bingo and a mum & baby group. They've managed to get match funding from a local charity for a youth worker who runs a youth group and a drop in centre on the estate, so we try and help teens as well as hassle them. It means the village hall is used.

I get it. Visited my parents recently and their town is getting really scruffy looking, very depressing. They've also got people on their street starting businesses that involve noisy revving. Some places have rapidly declined since the covid years.

If businesses are in inappropriate places or are causing noise nuisance, contact your parish council. Such businesses need planning permission. The council can check and then issue permitted hours of work, or close the business down.

My DM actually does this fairly frequently. The bloody revving businesses keep popping up every so often though.

Yes, you do need to keep after them. Good for your mum 🤗

Same here, our once beautiful Victorian city is now full of boarded up shops and vape shops . Litter is everywhere and the place reeks of pot ! It’s so depressing !

A poster and I can't find the post to tag or quote her said something I think is spot on essentially saying we don't respect older people anymore.
I agree with that whole heartedly and I also think lots of people just don't show basic respect and courtesy to people in general. (Especially older folks).
I think little things people do make such a huge difference to society and I believe manners, smiles and respect go along way.
People aren't considerate anymore, I have taken care of not just my dc but children over many years now and when you're teaching a youngun about road safety, 20 years ago if adults and often teens saw you waiting for the green man with your small child, they'd wait also, just to show support your teaching (that to me is a small way we can be a village) now people cross regardless.
My eldest dc saw a woman (my age) struggling to carry her shopping from the trolley to across the car park and popped over to help her carry bags. She was scared at first he was going to steal from her or something. But it's just basic kindness, you see someone struggling and you've the means to help, bloody help. It's sad that our first thought is fear when people are trying to be helpful.
Little gestures, letting someone buying a pint of milk first in the queue when you've got a weekly shop can make someone feel happy.
I know people who are very generous in lots of ways, will often "pay it forward", buy the homeless hot drinks (without posting about it on social media) etc but just don't have the social skills to help someone struggling to get something from the top shelf an item they could easily reach for them, it's almost like the things that we can do that cost absolutely nothing but seeing and thinking, "I can help this person in this situation" just doesn't register.

@NonsuchCastle

There are several initiatives like that in our city, not specifically breakfasts to be fair but similar.

Young men are at higher risk of suicide and there are groups and events encouraging them to talk about issues and find a support network.

Also helps them stay connected to society and less likely to be radicalised by the likes of Andrew state.

I get that that we all acknowledge the harm done at the hands of men but this stuff is important and it's not funny or cool to sneer at it

People are capable of seeing a change in the community they live in. There definitely has been a marked changed since COVID I think. Definitely more litter, dog shit, antisocial behaviour and massive entitlement.

Yeah my street is going down hill. It was ok when I bought my house, I knew it was a bad area but I needed a cheep house. There have always been a few problem houses and one neighbour was raided for drugs. Always had people smashing wing mirrors or windows on cars parked on the pavement. But it didn't feel unsafe just low income families and a few bad apples. Now I hear shouting in the street half the night, I can't sleep because I'm not sure if the woman screaming is in danger or is being aggressive. Rubbish everywhere. They throw it on anyone's lawn. Smells constantly of drugs where before it was just the odd wiff now and again. Bins overflowing and people filling each other's bins. Next door burns their rubbish in a metal bin in the garden and it stinks. The loud cars all hours. Loud music all hours. Kids crying making me wonder if I should call someone or not. Random people knocking on the door trying to sell dubious goods or do odd jobs for cash. The housing association replace all the roofs on their houses a couple years ago and loads of the supplies got stolen overnight. Then they replaced some of the kitchens and just left the old kitchens in the gardens.

It was always a poor area but the people were ok as long as you didn't block their drive or the pavement near their house but with the COL it's becoming a bit scary

But yet Op you laugh at people who live in places that have got it right.

I feel for, it must be horrible to live somewhere you feel miserable in. Could you give an indication of what part of the country you live in (you don’t need to be specific). I’m thinking of moving in the future and just want to make sure I don’t inadvertently move there. My area is nothing like that, it’s actually improved a lot over the years, I just can’t afford to buy here once the house is sold and equity split with ex.

I did a community speech on a similar theme. Here is an excerpt:

These problems are essentially a symptom of a void - maybe a feeling of separation, desperation or alienation.

To fight these issues we must use weapons not of war but of connection, inspiration and aspiration.

I was talking in the context of arts funding. So how we need MORE drama, art, music and dance but it also applies to sport, youth clubs and anything that fosters belonging, participation and contribution.

Many of these things lost funding because they were positive - you couldn’t show who was saved from prison because you couldn’t know the future - so how could you quantify their imaginary impact.

Only now ten years on..the prisons are full and the youth clubs been closed. Arts funding has been slashed. Public libraries have been shut down.

Coincidence? Correlation?

People that think you’re exaggerating either don’t travel around much or live in lovely places. I travel a lot for work and am shocked at the decline of some places, For example, Pockets of Leicester a few weeks ago looked like a much different place from 5 years ago.
I myself recently moved from an area I’ve lived in for 14 years, it’s really declined and it’s becoming unpleasant due to the amount of people with drug and/or mental health problems being released into a community they simply cannot cope in. It’s horrible and sad.

It's not like that where I live, although the little town centre is a sad shadow of its former self. But the people aren't anti social or aggressive.

Where I live, which is a very popular tourist destination and hen/stag do spot, one of the major shopping roads in the city centre continually smells of wee from drunk people. The thing is, there were always hordes of drunk people on a night out but it never constantly stank of wee like it does now. One of the shops had to change its shopfront not to be set back slightly from the road as people were using it to wee against. It’s grim walking down that road now but it’s full of shops I need to visit. I’m not sure what the cause is - did the city used to spend money to clean the road and now they don’t? Or is it that more people are weeing publicly for some reason vs before?

People are stressed, angry and lashing out. I absolutely blame the government but that doesn’t mean there isn’t individual responsibility too.

This is what forgetting God does, in every respect. It leads to anarchy and destruction.

That sounds grim. Is it ‘people’ weeing in the street, or is it men?

I’m not asking to be snarky btw. I’m trying to narrow down the culprits to understand the issue.

I don't know what happens that makes some towns go downhill while others thrive, I think it is a really complex set of issues, but I totally get what you are saying. I think people underestimate how much your environment can affect your quality of life. Where you live is clearly not making you happy, so what are your options - why are you stuck where you are? Could you try and make a plan towards moving, and work out what you need to do to get there? Even if you might be worse off financially by moving, it might be the best thing in the long run if it makes you happier and more fulfilled. And in the meantime, try to get away at the weekends for a change of scene, even just for a few hours, if you can.
We moved to where we live now about 15 years ago. We thought we were happy enough where we lived before, but our quality of life has improved so much since we moved because we have more of what we need where we are now; closer to beautiful countryside, walking distance to a small bustly town, lots of community stuff going on if we want to get involved. These were all things that we didnt realise we needed until we moved. It's not perfect, but it is a better fit for us. l think you need to find somewhere that offers you more of what you need, but I know that is not easy or achievable for everyone.

I overheard three very naice female middle class uni students discussing this the other week. Quite openly laughing about ‘free range wees’ on nights out, and one of them admitting that the odd ‘wild poo’ happens.

I wanted to go over and ask who they think clears up their disgusting mess, but I didn’t want to embarrass my son, who was with me. He just rolled his eyes and said, ‘Uni. That’s what they’re like.’

No shame, no empathy, so much entitlement.