Did women used to enjoy being catcalled?

[Gofastboatsmojito]

Hi,

Filtering a recent discussion with my stepmum I just wanted to survey the 55+ year olds of mumsnet to check whether I'm way off.

She is absolutely insistent that in her youth women (most? all?) enjoyed being whistled or shouted appreciatively at when waking past a building site.

She thinks women's perception of this has changed in the last 20 years. All her friends enjoyed it in the 70s and 80s apparently.

For context she has been the subject of male violence including sexual violence and does not equate the two.

I find it hard to believe everyone enjoyed it and assume that women felt a lot less able to say they didn't like it due to fear of being called frigid, uptight etc.

I'm sure the answer might lie somewhere between the two extremes but just wondering what an AIBU poll might say.

V grateful if women of age 55+ only vote

YABU = in my youth the majority of women I knew considered a wolf whistle as a cheeky but welcome compliment

YANBU = I didn't enjoy this even in the 70s

I think builders have to do an apprenticeship in catcalling and wolf whistling before they qualify.

Nope. Re-read the thread. Many are saying they used to enjoy it because those were different times and women were taught to accept it.

Nobody's saying it's assault, just that it's disrespectful and creepy. You seem to have massive comprehension problems. No wonder you think meowing and whispering is sexy. I bet you have to beat them off with a stick with moves like that. 🙄

You definition of flirting is utterly delusional. It's one thing to ask to buy somebody a drink and give her a compliment. That is flirting. It's quite another to make weird noises and rude comments to women on the street. That is harassment.
Even if 50% of women in 2024 actually did enjoy it, you would still be a complete asshole to 50% of women. In what world is that okay?
It's no different that just walking around randomly commenting on people's clothes, weight, hairstyle, etcetera. It's cretinous behaviour. Grown ups leave people they encounter on the street in peace and mind their manners. No exceptions.

You are clearly ironically challenged. Unbelievable level of cluelessness.

But why would it be upsetting to you as a (soon to be) mother when it wouldn't to a non-mother? Or why would he be apologetic for upsetting a mother and not a non-mother? I wouldn't be bothered by that either, and would probably find it funny, but there is something weird happening in his head for him to first whistle then apologise.

Adding another perspective to it which maybe hasn’t been touched on but haven’t RTFT and maybe it has. I’m late 30s and My anxiety walking past say builders or just groups of men in 90s Uk (not London ) was unfortunately more that they were going to hurl racial abuse or insults rather than catcalling. And sometimes it would be both. So sadly it would be a relief if I was catcalled giving the alternative of racial abuse, but I wouldn’t say I liked it as such.

I did get approached by randoms a fair bit from age 17 onwards, which I actually preferred since they’d at least be more respectful but actual crude catcalling from groups of men was more rare for me . The builders would usually not say anything but they’d all go super silent and stare at me /smirk at each other or I’d hear a whisper and a horrible snigger or something. So many vile racists sadly.

I spent some time in another country for a couple of years after graduation in an area that was very ethically diverse where white people were the minority, and for the first time I experienced lots of attention from groups of men and I realised I hadn’t been missing out. I could barely walk down the street without some man saying something.

I hated it. I was 22 but looked like I was in my teens with a very curvy body, so often I would get basically 11-15 year olds hitting on me or grown men would ask “are you legal?” 😵‍💫 and actually I soon learnt the only way to get rid of the older ones was to say that no, I wasn’t legal.

I'm in my 40s and it happens more now than it did then, and disgusts me more now than ever.

I don't understand the mans mentality about the pregnant woman either? So it's okay to disrespect women.. unless they have a bump and suddenly they are treated respectfully.

I got it regularly even when with my dh. We were both aware of the heads turning, the staring at traffic lights and beeps from cars with the occasional shout. We weren't upset and I was flattered. Nobody wanted to attack me or stop the car and I wasn't intimidated when with dh or alone.

I never used to mind it. But it carries different connotations today.

@ViewViewsaremyown

Yes, literally the 'cat calling noise'! I know exactly what you mean, so that's where the expression is from 🙃

British blokes were trained in the loud finger whistle.
In southern Europe, they cat- called.

When i was with dh and got catcalled he didn’t know what to do with himself, he wasnt chill with it at all

although when we went to Australia he was ‘catcalled’ by a group of prostitutes and was mortified 😀

I think they probably targeted schoolgirls bc they were easy prey - not so much in a sexual sense but they could show off and have a laugh with their mates ‘safely’ (ironically) without fear of back chat or reprisals. Don’t forget it would rarely be one builder - usually a gaggle who’s prime propose wasn’t to woo women/girls but to bond with and impress the other men. That was their motivation. If it was one builder they would usually be at such a height that they didn’t risk a slap. Same as boys/men who do this in groups or from the safety of cars where they can make a swift getaway and not put themselves at any risk. Pathetic.

I hated it and wanted the ground to open up as I'd be so embarrassed.

However, when you get older you then hate the fact that you're invisible!!!

I am 45. I have always hated it. On holiday in Italy in the week of my sixteenth birthday, I became very upset by it. It was constant. I'm no great beauty. Averagely pretty teen. One guy took it further, pinning me against a wall to tell me how gorgeous I was. I was FURIOUS. I kneed him in the ball but I could just as easily have froze. The anger had been building so I was like an animal ready to defend myself. I knew at that age that there was a fine line between a shouted compliment and a sexual attack. I always felt like women who enjoyed it had kind of missed the point. I am feminist through and through.

I don't hate it. I like going out and about without commentary, unsolicited comments, rude remarks, or sexual harassment.

Your inability to distinguish between 'light flirting' and unwanted pestering is what's annoying many on this thread. HTH.

This, exactly. Pestering and harassment are quite different. But most people know that.

I hated it! That’s why I walked by with a resting bitch face, then I was told to ‘cheer up love, might never happen’! Fuck off!

does it still happen on building sites? I thought the big firms were all signed up to the courteous sites charter now...not sure if that's what its called.

"I found barking idiotic and hostile."

I think "barking" is the operative word in your posts on this thread...

If only you'd said that you changed into your safety boots to climb the scaffolding I would have applauded you.

If you'd have done this in the industry I work in, you'd be fired yourself. I'm surprised that you work in construction.

They did deserve sacking though.

And you sound like an incel. I didn't believe a word of your 'meow' story.

I'm glad that you don't get to define what pestering is and isn't because you really don't have the slightest clue.

Women who don't enjoy sexual harassment are 'frigid cows'. You're a real charmer, I'm very surprised that your animal impressions and odd behaviour didn't work.

I think that just clarifies things, doesn't it?

65 here. It never bothered me one way or the other to be honest, it happened, you smiled and walked on. I never equated it with anything other than appreciation of a persons efforts to look nice, smart, etc… But I have lots of confidence, always have had, despite being overweight and ageing as gracefully as I can. Never encountered anything violent or sexist about it, particularly as my generation wasn’t backward to show verbal appreciation of the male sex either. Anyone recall the Diet Coke advert😁
I find the pouting, weird posing on the internet, “influencer culture” a lot more sinister to be honest, desperately seeking the attention of strangers.