If your husband worked these hours how much help would you expect?

[Woister]

I am a SAHM. Dh works long hours. I basically do all the childcare and house work. In fairness when Dh is off he will take care of 85% of childcare ie take kids out swimming, bowling etc.

So the day before Dh got home a 8pm, then left the following day at 12pm to be home at 3 am. He will be leaving today at 12pm.

how much help would you expect from husband with these hours?

Have you had a conversation with him about this? Rather than randomly expecting him to do things, let him know what you want, so it's clear? It's perfectly reasonable for him to stack or unload the dishwasher or do a couple of loads of washing on his off days, but you need to make this clear rather than be resentful he isn't doing it.

With hours like that, I wouldn’t expect much help at all on work days. With a 3am finish, I’m guessing he spends most of the time asleep until it’s time to get up and ready for work again at midday.

On his days off he should be wanting to spend as much time with the DC as possible.

very good points.

What did you used to do while your older kids were at school, before you chose to have baby number 3?

Did you go back to work during that time?

i don’t see it as dh solely putting a roof over our heads. We both are. I support our family and that it enables him to work.

I was an executive myself before children. I’m not a free loader.

Op is working just as hard but has no respect, no money and no career, and no hero status…

OP has chosen to have no money or career. Or do you think parenting your children and looking after your home should be seen as a career? If so I have 2 careers

I dint think you can expect him to do much more than he does, not on top of shift work and time zone changes. They are both draining.

if he's a pilot he's presumably on reasonably good money? If I were you I'd look into getting a few hours cleaning/gardening help a week. This will take some pressure off you and allow you more down time as a family when he is home.

@YeahComeOnThen How is he acting like a knob? In my opinion he does plenty. She has one baby at home, housework should be more than manageable. She's named one example of a single cereal bowl. Does that a knob make? No in my opinion.
Besides, she can't change him if he is a knob. But she can make changes for herself if status quo isn't tolerable.

Most families now have two working parents. I manage not to be late for pick ups, organise school admin, and go to assemblies. Maybe working hours and flexibility were different then or your parents didn’t care. These days lots of people manage to work and do the school stuff.

If you're suggesting that a SAHM is working as hard as an airline pilot, you need your head examined. I say this as someone who was a SAHM for years.

I’ve not worked since my first was born

So it's the new baby that's upset your leisurely lifestyle, not your husband?

Did you not think you'd have to do more while the kids were at school all day with a new baby?

Pretty shocked at the replies saying nothing would be expected.
I’d still expect 50% !
looking after 3 kids is tough, tougher than many jobs

This thread cannot be real.....its wild!

@Barbrawintergreen

cleaning up after yourself (putting your own dishes in the dishwasher, wiping down the sides and simple chores like emptying the dishwasher are adulting, yes.

i don’t see it as dh solely putting a roof over our heads. We both are. I support our family and that it enables him to work.

Not really true.

If you weren't around he could support them on his wage alone, and buy childcare.

If he wasn't around, could you do the same after being out of the workforce for over 10 years?

Not very much at all. Just help getting them bathed and into bed & kisses/cuddles. That's about it.

In holidays or days off I'd expect 50/50 help with kids and general household tasks (washings/dishes etc).

What? No. You are not enabling him to work by staying at home. You have made an agreement on how best to pay for and raise a family. You could come up with a different arrangement whereby you also worked and had help at home.

But he really is. If he failed his next medical/got made redundant the income stream would stop at least temporarily. I would say it’s him enabling you - his salary enables you to choose not to work outside the home as is your preference. If you chose to work then you’d both pay for childcare, cleaners etc, you no longer being a SAHP wouldn’t stop him from working.

I love the way you've just got "Work" as one bullet point there for him.

Makes your list look much more impressive doesn't it.

The fact he's actually taking them out instead of sitting on his arse on his phone in his free time... I'd say that's more than enough. I wish mine would do that with ours!

I’ve never been a pilot so unless you’ve done both jobs and can give a real comparison I’d say you’re the one who needs their head examined. I am a SAHM. It’s incredibly draining exhausting but at times rewarding.

I do EVERYTHING. And I really mean that,

but would I or could I do what my DH does? Work in a toxic nasty money making environment and cope with the office politics, travel, get up at 5am every day, 6 hours sleep a night and do it day in day out. For decades. No. I’d rather do what I’m doing. It’s certainly more rewarding. Hes missed so much.

and he supports me in other ways so I do get some time off. Life isn’t always a bed of roses but I’m luckier than many.

The OP is expecting more than that

On those hours I wouldn't expect much 'help'. Why on earth don't you get a cleaner as that seems to be what you are really pissed off about!! Either that, or go back to work, organise childcare and - get a cleaner!!

Agreed. OP is desperately trying to convince us that stacking the dishwasher and feeding the baby is somehow harder than being responsible for the lives of hundreds of passengers and keeping a 200 tonne hunk of metal up in the air.

I was a SAHM for years, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But comparing the work of a SAHM to a pilot is absurd.

Swap with him. You go to work and provide. Let him stay at home and look after the kids. Equality and all that - women fought for women's rights and equality not for nothing. Everybody knows how hard it is to be sahp and how easy it is to be the sole provider.