What difference does it make that he’s pilot? Bus drivers, train drivers, lorry drivers, nurses, surgeons etc all have other people’s lives in their hands. There are plenty of mothers in these roles too and my guess is that they are not all married to stay at home dads.
As for those people saying OP should get a job - do you mean that she should work full time but then continue to do the vast majority of childcare and housework because her DH will still be a pilot and presumably still incapable of doing more than he does now by virtue of his occupation?
If the OP divorced her DH and insisted on 50:50 custody (or whatever it’s called now) so that she too could build a career and pension, then what would the DH do then, stop being a pilot? When the DH has his own house, will he then be able to learn how to put his own bowl in the dishwasher despite still being a pilot?
My mother was a nurse who worked 7 12 hour shifts in a row and still managed to do housework and be present for her children. I used to be married to a police officer who worked 12 hour shifts and if his days off fell during the week he would do the childcare pick ups and drop offs or keep our DD home so he could spend time with her. On those days off I always came home to a clean house. But then again, he actually wanted to be involved in family and home life and didn’t see me as his cleaner.
Fwiw OP, for so long as you have a pre-school child at home with you I think housework should be split (but not necessarily 50:50). If your DH is unable to up his game and take on more housework then you need a cleaner and I would suggest outsourcing laundry. Everyone should pick up their own laundry and clear their own plates as that is basic respect.
If you remain as a SAHM once kids are all in school then I would agree that all housework and admin should be done during school hours.