AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

[newmama2023]

My partner and I are buying a house together and we need to write our wills. We've both been married before and have children with our ex spouses.

In the event of his death, my partner wants his share of the house to go to his children immediately, meaning I would have to sell the house. I was thinking that if i died first, he could stay in the house until he passed away.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

I think what he’s proposing is fair. His kids shouldn’t have to wait for their inheritance. Why don’t you do the same then take out life insurance on each other so whoever dies first can buy the half of the house left to the kids or whoever?

I think they need to be very clear in themselves what they anticipate happening in the event of the first death. Looking at the experience of others posting here - what do you / they think this means practically? Selling the house immediately upon death? A grace period of a year or two? The other partner living there until their death - or until something else triggers a sale e.g. marriage to a new person?
Combine that with what each person's "share" is ... is the 50k v. zero investment recognised for the future (i.e is each person having a half-share?)

THEN get legal advice on how to reflect this is title deeds, and a will (bearing in mind the will can be changed in the future without anyone else knowing)

Just seen the bit about the £50000, that needs to be ring-fenced as hers. A good solicitor should be able to sort things out. Also under no circumstances should she marry this man! They need to have legally clear boundaries as to what assets belong to which of them, not get everything shared in the case of a later divorce.

I don’t think either person is wrong but it’s essential that this is agreed and reflected in both wills before they buy. If they can’t agree then they shouldn’t buy a place together- they should keep separate homes.

Your friend should also 100% protect her deposit.

I wouldn't mingle assets in middle age, period.

They can date and live separately.

Don't buy a house with him. You could be elderly and have to move.

I get protecting his assets for his DC as should you so buy separately.

I have not trawled through the entire thread but if there are differing contributions I think the true shares within the tenancy in common should reflect that and not be the standard 50:50.

This!

I think it's reasonable of him to leave it to his children.

This is all very well, but

these legal drafts absolutely need input and agreement by all parties, both kids and partner being left the right to live in it. There is so much detail that needs to be agreed about the arrangement that would need to go into the trust documents

what if the roof needs replacing or other major buidling work in last few years of the beneficiaries life? Who covers costs- if kids haven’t got money as inheritence is in the house they’ll not be able to afford the repairs, but can’t sell

what if beneficiary lets the house get into a massive mess ? Do kids have rights to inspect and serve an order?

what if beneficiary of trust wants or needs to move - but still needs to use capital of both shares to be able to afford it? What if they get a new partner - can partner move in, what if they get married?

what about capital gains tax? Kids receive house at cost on death , can’t sell due to beneficiary and 10 years later face a whopping capital gains tax! Versus receiving money at death without capital gains and being able to use that themselves to accumulate without a future capital gains charge.

whilst if the beneficiary is the kids own mother, the kids are likely to not find it burdensome to maintain close contact, be in their mothers home frequently, and be prepared to help support mum in maintaining house as she becomes older and potentially more infirm, what about if it is a newer partner or spouse of their parent - you would be forcing them to stay in contact and take on part of burden for keeping an eye on that spouse/partner irrespective of their relationship. If that relationship is flimsy - it places an undue burden on kids.

it’s a nice idea for an idealistic parent (as I say in exception if it is kids mother/father anyway). In practice you are placing lots of burdens and implications on kids.

i don’t think (may be wrong) that anyone can leave conditions in their wills that place burdens on other people. So it has to be discussed with kids, and they could refuse. Parent then has to make decision to either leave outright to partner (in which case bloody marry her to avoid IHT) and “hope” they respect wishes that the partners will ensure their Will passes it on then to the kids. Or leave to kids as is here.

I imagine that is why this has been done. Partner has figured it is way too much of burden on kids, and wants to be absolutely sure kids will inherit.

my mum died in my 30s, dad has had new partner for last 20 years. She lives (part time) in his house. Views it as hers as well. Fair enough, dad wanted it. Dad now in nursing home, end stage dementia . 1 sibling (lives closest but still 40 miles away) is running round every time she is staying there looking after her and dads house. He is frazzled, fast running out of patience. Rest of us live 75-100 miles away, and I haven’t ever got to know her (met her just 6 times in 20 years!) as they both were not staying in country for last 20 years till dad got ill. She’s not easy to get on with- very different to me and no familiar connection obviously. Dad can leave house to her, or not. But no way would I agree to be part of a trust set up of her staying in house after his death and me “waiting” another potential 20 years for her to die to receive an inheritance. Don’t care enough about inheritence to have that burden placed on me. Eldest sibling doing the grunt work currently says he’s buggered if he going to continue to run around after her or having to maintain the house, when dad dies- he’s doing it just for dad as it is good for dad to see her and dad didn’t want to sell his house (thinks he will go back home still 😢). We don’t know what his will says, but we’ve all assumed he’s not put it in trust becuase it would place a big unwanted burden on us- we’d refuse if he’s tried that 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

This might be helpful, if you didn't already know about it, @newmama2023.
https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership
And definitely, if your friend decides to go ahead, she needs to take legal advice, separately from her partner.

I’d also add, what about IHT ? I don’t know laws, but would need to understand how it works in practice. If kids inherit half house, but can’t sell, is IHT still payable on estate at that stage that kids will eventually inherit once trust is wound up?
if so, how will the IHT be paid if that part of house can’t be sold?

possibly IHT is delayed in this case of trusts…but it certainly would need to be checked out ….interest on IHT owned to HMRC is quite high I think…

I think what he suggests is the easiest and "cleanest" way of doing it. All parents should look out for their kids first and new partners second. As someone else has suggested, take out life insurance or, if you can, make sure you buy a house cheap enough that you can always buy the other person out. It's just another way of how blended families complicate things but the easiest thing to do is that both parties have their kids best interest at heart first and foremost.

I think it's awful - why would he not automatically want his share of the house to pass to you if he does first? My mum remarrried and she and her husband owned their house as tenants in common. Her husband's will specified how his share of the house would be shared among his daughters, and my mum's will set out her wishes. But they both gave the other the right to live in the house until the second one's death or until they chose to move when the first partner died. My mum outlived her husband by over 30 years, so my step sisters had a very long wait for their inheritance, but it would have been so unfair if my mum had been forced to move out of her home when her husband died. She had retired by the time he died and would not have been able to buy another property of their house has been sold on his death.

Get life insurance equal to the value of his share (and do the same for you) with you as beneficiary of the insurance so you can use that to buy his half from his kids when he dies. Or just make the kids the beneficiaries of the insurance and bequeath the house to you, but I'd rather do the former.

That way, the kids get their inheritance and you can keep the house.

I can see both sides too and both need to make sure that the money they put in (her money needs to be rongfenced) for example and actually how it will work when one dies

Funerals for example are expensive - who will pay and where will that come from etc. How any care fees will work and who will be responsible for that

they both need financial and legal advice for this to make sure that they themselves and their children are covered

At this point in his life- it seems right that he is looking after his children (many men don’t!). if he left his share to you there is no guarantee his children would ever get anything (again very common).

How old are you? Really people should be updating wills every 10 years to account for changing circumstances.

She is putting in 50k, he’s putting in nothing, and if he’s hit by a bus in the week after it settles she has to sell and after transaction costs she’s worse off than she is now? Tell her to pull out now, of the purchase and the relationship. Imagine only being able to buy a house because your partner can put in a deposit while you’ve got nothing and he hasn’t hesitated to set it up so you’re turfed straight out if he dies. Ugh. She needs to go looking for someone who treats her like they are a team.

So he's putting in nothing and expects his children to get half of her investment. Ha! What a con man.
She shouldn't buy with him. even if he makes his will to advantage her, anyone can have a new will drafted at anytime and she wouldn't know about it till it's too late.
Tell your friend to buy on her own and either let him live with her and pay rent with a nice signed agreement through the solicitor that he has no rights to the house, to he can buy some place else.

My husband and I have done this with our wills. When one of us dies, the surviving spouse can live in the house until they die (after all, they own half of it). It means that, should the surviving spouse end up in a care home, half of the proceeds from the sale of the property are protected and go to our child. Also, if one spouse ends up in care, and the other is still in the home, they cannot force the sale of the property to pay for care, and only half would be taken into account. It is a sensible option to protect our estate for our child.

It might sound a bit mean of me but, why do you think that you should get all his estate when he dies and not his children? I am not sure how long you have been with him but I think he is right to provide for his children. Sorry.

You should also bear in mind that wills are very fluid and can easily be changed at any time unilaterally and at very little cost.

Not so with joint house ownership deeds.

I can see how some people might be less willing to pass their share onto their partner, or even grant a lifetime interest if there is a large disparity in age.

As other people have mentioned, maybe one thing to do is ringfence your share and have life insurance such that it covers the cost of buying a similarly priced property on death.

Merging the finances of older people always becomes complicated, both because they may have different commitments or wishes in terms of children and large disparities in finances.

It may just be that the partner lacks ideas/knowledge on how to deal with the situation and may be happy to grant a lifetime interest once that is highlighted as a possibility.

I agree whole-heartedly with this. Those who are saying he is right to be putting his children before her are missing the point that it seems that he is trying to screw her over, if he dies first.

Your friend should not buy a house with this man! He's not contributing anything towards buying it but still plans to give half to his kids in his will and effectively kick out the woman who owns it. Nope! He's taking the absolute piss and there are red flags all over this.

I'd hope your friend protects her £50k especially as he's investing zero!

If the partner wants to leave property to his children he needs to buy an investment property of his own. If he isn’t putting anything into this purchase he currently has nothing to leave them. Any equity would be built off the back of her investment, plus any joint mortgage re payments.