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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

158 replies

newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 06:25

My partner and I are buying a house together and we need to write our wills. We've both been married before and have children with our ex spouses.

In the event of his death, my partner wants his share of the house to go to his children immediately, meaning I would have to sell the house. I was thinking that if i died first, he could stay in the house until he passed away.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

OP posts:
carrotcard · 05/09/2024 07:23

He can put it in trust so it goes to his kids on YOUR death. Tbh I wouldn't buy a house with him and I most certainly wouldn't buy a house with him unless you're married and have sought legal advice

Tippexy · 05/09/2024 07:27

So you had a baby with the man you were married to 18 months ago and now you’re buying a house with this chap, who you have been with for less than a year?

I’d take a bit more time to pause, think, not rush, and make sure you’re on the same page with everything.

Berga · 05/09/2024 07:29

Neither of you are wrong, you're just not in agreement.

I bought a house with my partner this year, both have children from a previous marriage, we are not married to each other. Therefore, our respective estates still go to each of our DC. We are in our forties, so this suits us for now. We have agreed to review it in a few years/if we decide to get married. We have put into the house evenly and have the same number of DC each, so all feels fair and good. We bought tenants in common to ensure it was easy, again this can be changed if we want.

HoppityBun · 05/09/2024 07:32

Yes you are being unreasonable and even if he leaves the house to you, he can make a new will at any time. You are also unreasonable not to have discussed your financial affairs at the time you decided to live together and not get married. Both of you should see a solicitor and sort that out.

Kitkatfiend31 · 05/09/2024 07:35

Natwestbit · 05/09/2024 07:21

You're buying a house together. That's to have a roof over both your heads, not sweep it away if one dies. The kids aren't buying it, you are, so if it needs to be sold at some point for care fees so be it. It isn't their house.
I wouldn't buy with him because he could change his will at any time without you knowing. He's showing you how much he cares about your security in later years.

Just this! Most people wait until both parents die to inherit anything. Most people are happy for their parents money to give them better quality /more choice in care. He isn't thinking of you. Buy your own place. Having to move out of your house after a partners death when possibly in your 80's would be horrendous and could possibly take you away from a support network when you need it most.

Aishah231 · 05/09/2024 07:36

Are you significantly younger than him OP? Did you both contribute similar amounts to the house? Your answers to these questions are important. As others have said it's good to see a parent putting their children first for a change in this situation. If however you are similar ages and have contributed similar amounts letting you stay in the house until death would be fair.

BankHolidayReset · 05/09/2024 07:37

@Natwestbit It's about lifetime guarantee to live in the house rather than give it to the kids so it's not so different. It was from one of the kids point of view rather than the new partner.

Needanadultgapyear · 05/09/2024 07:38

I am the one with a daughter DH is childless. He has a life interest in our house so can live in it or use the money for a different house till he dies, but ultimately it goes to DD.
We sat DD down and explained all this to her and that depending on inheritance tax rules if I was to die first she may get nothing till DH dies. We explained our reasoning.
No nasty surprises no disappointed expectations - this is the most important thing with wills if you decide something that may cause problems talk about it.

Viviennemary · 05/09/2024 07:39

I agree. Don't buy a house with him. You will be homeless if he is insisting on an immediate sale.

Nobodywouldknow · 05/09/2024 07:41

I wouldn’t buy anything with him. Tell him you will buy your own investment property and rent it out and he can crack on and buy the house that he intends to leave to his by then fully capable adult children, making you homeless so that they can have a windfall. Chances are he can’t because he needs your salary and deposit to do this, oh well.

PlatinumMoon · 05/09/2024 07:43

Lots of examples here about the perils, pitfalls and potential aftermaths.
My word of caution is to remember that a rewill can be written at any time, so to protect both of you

Arrivapercy · 05/09/2024 07:45

He's protecting his assets for his children? This is normal. Otherwise if he left it to you your kids would get it all.

Nobodywouldknow · 05/09/2024 07:45

But yeah given that you were single less than a year ago, having recently had a baby, presumably not his, just don’t buy anything with him this soon.

Original poster
newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 07:46

Tippexy · 05/09/2024 07:27

So you had a baby with the man you were married to 18 months ago and now you’re buying a house with this chap, who you have been with for less than a year?

I’d take a bit more time to pause, think, not rush, and make sure you’re on the same page with everything.

Edited

No sorry, i should of specified in the original post. This is a situation regarding my best friend and her partner, she isnt online and said i would help ask the community as i think outside perspective would help.

I didnt think about my username until it was too late lol

OP posts:
Elizo · 05/09/2024 07:47

Personally I would want to do the same as your DP, but with a grace period. But I don’t have a DP so maybe am not seeing how it could be.

PlatinumMoon · 05/09/2024 07:48

oops...
So to protect both of you, especially if there is no intention to marry, you must both seek legal advice before entering into a mortgage agreement and also to protect your half of the property.
You can revise or make a new will which undoes all that has been agreed in principle now between the pair of you, so you must avoid those pitfalls.

Arrivapercy · 05/09/2024 07:48

Are you each putting in 50-50 when buying it & paying mortgage?

Original poster
newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 07:48

TemuSpecialBuy · 05/09/2024 07:16

This

Its really so important to be aligned on your plans and vision for the future and ensure you discuss all these things BEFORE commiting to someone via cohabitation, marriage or children.

Do not buy together unless there is a clear agreement that you are happy with.
Also be aware if he is doing it to keep you quiet he might change his will after you buy.

Also if you are a "newmama23" is that child not his?

Edited
Show quote history

No sorry, i should of specified in the original post. This is a situation regarding my best friend and her partner, she isnt online and said i would help ask the community as i think outside perspective would help.

I didnt think about my username until it was too late,

OP posts:
Original poster
newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 07:49

Nobodywouldknow · 05/09/2024 07:45

But yeah given that you were single less than a year ago, having recently had a baby, presumably not his, just don’t buy anything with him this soon.

No sorry, i should of specified in the original post. This is a situation regarding my best friend and her partner, she isnt online and said i would help ask the community as i think outside perspective would help.

I didnt think about my username until it was too late lol

OP posts:
Original poster
newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 07:50

Arrivapercy · 05/09/2024 07:48

Are you each putting in 50-50 when buying it & paying mortgage?

No so far, she has put in 50000 and he hasnt put anything in

OP posts:
leapinglizard1234 · 05/09/2024 07:50

Where will you live ?
Will there be enough money to buy a flat or home?
Normally the money goes to the children after your death and you are allowed to stay in the house until you die but care costs could be tricky

There must be a precedent for this like a trust situation so that the children's half is earmarked whatever happens

Juliet194 · 05/09/2024 07:50

Key details missing here, how old are you and your partner? How old are the kids?

I can definitely see his point of wanting to make sure his half goes to his kids, especially if they are younger.

I would be looking at getting seperate life insurance policies for you both to benefit the other partner. Then you could potentially buy the other half of the house, while the kids still inherit?

Original poster
newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 07:51

newmama2023 · 05/09/2024 06:25

My partner and I are buying a house together and we need to write our wills. We've both been married before and have children with our ex spouses.

In the event of his death, my partner wants his share of the house to go to his children immediately, meaning I would have to sell the house. I was thinking that if i died first, he could stay in the house until he passed away.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

Edit! This is a situation regarding my best friend and her partner, not me, she isnt online, so i said i would post it for her to get outside perspective

OP posts:
Ozanj · 05/09/2024 07:51

Your friend’s partner is being sensible. Your friend should be too. A good solicitor will arrange it so even after one of you dies the surviving partner will be able to live in the property if they so wish until their deaths - at which point the executors of the will can ensure it’s passed on appropriately.

She needs legal advice and she needs to make sure to protect HER children’s interests too.

WomanInTheBoat · 05/09/2024 07:52

I am in this situation with my partner. We originally planned that the remaining partner should have a right to remain for the rest of their lives. However, we both feel that we would want our own children to inherit sooner. We now plan to say sale within 3-5 years - still discussing actual number. We are in our early 60s.