AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

[newmama2023]

My partner and I are buying a house together and we need to write our wills. We've both been married before and have children with our ex spouses.

In the event of his death, my partner wants his share of the house to go to his children immediately, meaning I would have to sell the house. I was thinking that if i died first, he could stay in the house until he passed away.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

Not when they are grown adults who should be bloody capable of funding their own life. Personally think the expectation of inheritance is selfish and entitled as is trying to avoid possible care home fees by finding loopholes. Inheritance is a gift not an automatic right.

I don't think you should buy this house together. You're not on the same page. This is not a minor difference of opinion. It's a deal-breaker. You'd be homeless unless he agrees you could live in house as long as you want to. His kids do not have to get their inheritance immediately. In your position I'd keep renting with this person and saving until you can afford your own house. Most men wouldn't want their partner thrown out on her ear. It means if he dies instead of being able to grieve in peace you'd find yourself homeless too. He's telling you that's how much he cares about you, listen.

@buffyajp
But the OP hasn't specified how old the kids are, and judging by her username, they may be quite young.

I’d be more concerned about the detail of her putting in £50K and him nothing. This “share” he wants to leave to his kids, what share is that?

That said - I agree with him. When I die, my children are simply more important than my - not their father - husband. Everything goes to them. A little simpler for me as the house is mine. My will states that I’d like him to have 6 months grace before he has to vacate. He’s aware of this.

Trickier for you (or your “friend”?) as he will own something. But even so, I agree in principle with children inheriting quickly. If you die at 30, your kids could be waiting 60 years to even get a penny, never be able to use that money to support education, buy a house themselves… that’s crazy!

Easiest all round is to agree a joint insurance policy and agree that either goes to kids in lieu of the house share.

He’s not being unreasonable not wanting to tie up his kids’ inheritance and opportunities for potentially decades!

Why when she dies does he get the house? If she has no children she can still leave it to siblings, or friends.

She is better off buying her own house, there is no benefit for her doing it with him, but lots of benefit him doing it with her.

Has her £50000 been ring fenced for her and her children in the event of death/relationship break down? I certainly wouldn’t be buying with someone I wasn’t on the same page with. And as she is paying the whole deposit, I would be buying alone and saying he could live with me and pay half the bills.

Yanbu. My mum met my stepdad when I was about 11 and when he moved in she ways paid for mortgage so it would be her childrens one day, since she had paid the majority of mortgage herself before meeting him. He is however to live in the house until death, that's quote a normal thing and doubly so if you're actually paying for half the house too! You should live there as long as you live/want to.

Well I wouldn’t buy a house with somebody who wanted me to be homeless when he died, so that would be a no from me.

This ^
Husband and I have wills set up where the house goes to the children but either of us has the right to remain in the house until death. Think this is pretty standard these days.

The partner is a grown adult as well, inheritance is indeed a gift not a right.

In the event one of them dies, the house can be sold after a grace period and then they buy their own house with their own money from their half.

Neither option is wrong, it’s personal choice. No one is entitled to half the house including the partner.

“His kids do not have to get their inheritance immediately.”

But what if they’re both 30 and he has a 10yo? And dies next year. And she lives until she’s 90? That child is inheriting at 70, 60 years after his father has died.

It sounds to me like he’s making a sound practical decision, whilst the OP is thinking more about him than her kids.

Anyway, as I said above: LIFE INSURANCE!

I must have missed that bit. 🚩🚩🚩🚩He is just wanting to buy a house with you because you've got a deposit and he doesn't. Buy your own house. Protect your self and your own DC.

This is what 'partner' means. It is not a spouse, therefore not a priority. It is a comfortable arrangement, that is all. His children are his priority. If you were, he would have married you. Run away! He showed his true colours. Or if you are not running away, think hard about what will happen, if you are ill, for example. You think like a decent human being, he does not.

If your friend has a 50k deposit and he has none, she needs to buy whatever she can on her own unless he agrees that upon his death she continues to live in HER house that she put down the majority of the money for. For this arrogant fuck to sit there and sponge off his harder-working partner but be proposing to make her homeless if he died first so that his adult kids can get some cash is astounding. This is so far removed from situations where the widow/er is living in a house owned outright by a spouse with adult kids. This is a house that’s being bought in joint name and she is funding the deposit. He can get to fuck quite simply.

It's fair enough that her husband is writing a Will to favour his children.
Suggest the friend legally draws up paperwok to support the ownership that reflect their eventual Wills. (Joint tenants or tenants in common etc??)
Suggest the friend also puts savings away to help her survive if she eventually owns only half the house.
Suggest that the couple buy a different type of home and one that can easily be split into two saleable flats would be perfect.

Advise the wife to also have a similar Will and for her husband to expect that her half ownership will transfer to her children upon her death.

Maybe it is better that they don't buy a house together at all.
Could they each buy a smaller property?

Seeing as she’s the one with the money, it would be far far worse if he married her so hopefully he won’t get any ideas. What a dick. If it wasn’t for the OP’s friend, this Prince Charming would have fuck all to leave his kids anyway so to throw his weight around like this is outrageous.

He can put a clause in it to say that you would live there until you die then it passes to his children.
Personally I think it's right his children get his half and your children get yours, but with the clause attached.

@EI12 His children are his priority. If you were, he would have married you. Run away!

Why is it a bad thing if his children are his priority?!
I’m remarried and we both have children from first marriages. We both think our children are our priority! And we have got married. But bottom line, emotionally, practically, financially - our children are more important to us ultimately than we are to each other.
Getting married didn’t change that pecking order 😆 We both re-did wills immediately to be sure it didn’t. Of course we sometimes prioritise each other in day to day life… but when the chips are down, the big stuff: I choose my kids over a man any day, and I love that I’ve found a man who feels the same.

Yes that's the case when the parents are still together and both the parents of the adult kids. When it's a blended family it's different.
when one of my parents dies I would want the other to live in their house until they can't or they die. However if I die before my DH I would want and expect him to sell the house at some point to downsize and give my DS his share. It might sound harsh but I saved money before I met my DH for my son and I don't think he should have to wait decades to get that money.
Same applies if he died before me. His share is smaller and my earning power is better so I will likely be able to keep the house and just buy his kids out but that's what I would do. I wouldn't sit on their share until my death.

That's not acceptable. Don't buy a house on these terms.

So his share will only be half the equity above her deposit. So not a lot, and she should be able to buy his kids out fairly easily. What's the issue? Would she want him to sit on her £50k and not release it to her kids if she dies first?

Personally the bit of money I've got in my house is the only money I've got and I want it to go to my DS. He's not selfish or assuming anything. It's my savings that I worked hard for and I want it to help him in his life.

I can see both points of view.

Your priority must be your long term security. Make sure if he leaves his half to the children that you do exactly the same on your Will.

For me I think the decider would be the likely value of the house. Would the value be enough so that with 50% you could fully buy yourself a nice, smaller retirement property? If yes then that's a valid option. Don't spend more than him on home improvements though. His choice has made it strictly 50% on everything house value related.

If 50% of the value wouldn't be enough to buy something suitable or would, even worse, leave you without somewhere to live, then I wouldn't buy a house with this man.

Do you both have your own homes now? If so perhaps rent them out and use the proceeds to rent somewhere together. It preserves your own existing homes for the future.

Your friend and her partner should have a chat with a financial advisor and/or solicitor to explore all the various options open to them. Then they can make a fully informed choice and hopefully find a solution which works for them both.

I’m the child in this scenario. I don’t want to wait until my father’s wife dies to inherit. She’s likely to live 20+ years longer than my dad. There’s also the issue that she has never worked and would have no income to maintain a large house and land. She could buy a smaller property with her share (33%), so it seems sensible to sell immediately. Now I’m thinking about it, I need to ask our solicitor if me and my sister (jointly inheriting 67%) can force a sale.