AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

[newmama2023]

My partner and I are buying a house together and we need to write our wills. We've both been married before and have children with our ex spouses.

In the event of his death, my partner wants his share of the house to go to his children immediately, meaning I would have to sell the house. I was thinking that if i died first, he could stay in the house until he passed away.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

Same. But I wouldn't buy a house with a partner.

YANBU to want some security but he is NBU to want his children to inherit. The best thing to do is just not buy together. Keep your own independence and then he can leave whatever is his to his DC.

This is why people need to review wills regularly. Not write a will in their 30s or 40s and expect the same will to be relevant 35 years later when their circumstances wrt to finance, income, parental responsibilities and life expectancy are all different.

I mostly agree with your partner for quite a few reasons but I would allow a grace period to allow you to grief a d then get sorted out.

This. Protect your money and assetts OP.

It could be loads depending on what happens to house prices - we are talking several decades potentially before either of them dies, unless they are both in their 70s now.

Imagine that they buy somewhere for 200k and the friend puts in 50k and the rest is mortgage. Then when the man dies, the house is now worth 500k (really not beyond the realms of possibility). The mortgage is paid off and his share is 225k. If the friend is by now older, no way can she raise a mortgage for that to buy anyone out. You can’t get a mortgage when you’re elderly unless you have an income. So she would have to sell her home.

I can see the argument of a PP who said that she’s been saving money for her DS since before she met her DP so would not want him to wait for his inheritance. This is different- this man will only have something to leave his kids due to the OP and her financing the deposit and allowing him to benefit from the increase in house prices. It takes about 10 years for an average person to save up 50k on their own. If he has nothing now, he’d have no chance of buying anything for ages, by which time his mortgage options would be more restricted. I’m afraid his children, who should thank their lucky stars he met the OP, can wait.

I think there’s an issue with owning half a house and being unable to sell it. You could lose any first time buyer benefits, have to pay additional stamp duty, be liable for repair costs, the building could be under maintained and lose value. It can be really difficult.

It’s probably better if there’s any other money pension, life insurance for that all to be left to the children and house to partner. Or take out a lump sum on a mortgage and give it to the children early.

I think he's doing the right thing. Why should his children have to wait while dad's girlfriend stays in the house.

FWIW I wouldn't buy a house with a boyfriend in any case so not a balanced view.

So. Your ‘friend’ is putting all the money into the house? And he is doing what? Paying half the mortgage?

If he died in 5 years the amount the kids would get would be tiny, as he isn’t putting any deposit in? It would literally be half the equity between purchase and him dying?

Tell me she intended on protecting her deposit? In all honesty, I think he is more sensible than her. She hasn’t really thought about it all. If she does in 5 years she wants him to live in a house where more of the equity belongs to her own kids than it does him?

and people who want to leave life time interest often forget that the person living in it may not keep up to it, may need adaptations, may do things to the house that reduce its value. It’s can be a legal headache for the kids.

Can’t there be a compromise. One died the other gets 2 years before the house has to be sold?

Very confused about you having a friend who isn’t ‘online’ though. If she was online she would be able to look into what she is doing and then get legal advice.

Men move on quickly, IME.

If he lost you when he is still working, building his career and salary, he could stay in your house, re-marry and live there for 40 years before your Dc inherit.

You need to think about writing your will to suit the next 10 years, then review as your life changes.

What about each of you setting a period to stay in the house? e.g 4 years? Or until the surviving partner sells or cohabits, or 4 years ?

Make sure you buy as tenants in common, not joint tenants.

Many men I know have left their estate to their second wife, younger, and she has then not left anything to his Dc. 3 of my friends have watched their Mum’s share of the home disappear like that. So at least your DP is thinking about his kids.

errr because Dads girlfriend effectively bought the house and Dad is a giant cocklodger taking advantage of the fact that she has managed to save a deposit while he has not? If he didn’t buy with her, he couldn’t buy anything without a deposit and would have to spend anything he’s going to spend on this mortgage on rent.

Your friend should absolutely not buy a property with this bloke if that’s his attitude in addition to her putting the £ in. She should buy on her own.

I’m the same. The only way I’d buy a house with a partner would be when dc are grown. Sell this house, mortgage will have been paid off, give dc house deposits and then go halves on a deposit for a new place with the house being owned in common. I’d be mid fifties so feasible.

I grew up in rented so home ownership
seems like a step up the generational wealth ladder. This is something I’m keen to pass on to my children. I certainly wouldn’t jeopardise for a man.

To be fair, We don’t know he is a cocklodger.

He could be planning on paying the mortgage until he has contributed the equivalent.

Ops ‘friend’ may not be able to afford to buy without him.

If she is able to buy on her own and afford the mortgage, and he isn’t doing anything to even things up she should be grateful this has come up now, because she would be an idiot to buy a house and put his name on it in those circumstances. Hopefully, this will prompt her to be far more sensible.

It's possible to keave property to person X while specifying that they may not take immediate possession of it and that person Y has the right to live there for the rest of their life. This can be sensible as it means the surviving partner has fewer assets if they are being assessed for benefits or care home fees, and can reduce the impact of inheritance tax if the property is valuable enough for that to apply. However there are down-sides too. If half the property is owned by the 20-something or 30-something year old offspring of the deceased partner and the other half is owned by a pensioner with limited funds and the roof needs replacing or other multi-thousand-pound maintenance project is it fair for the pensioner to take the hit? It can work but can also go very badly. This needs careful thought. It might be that buying a property together isn't actually a good idea.

Would they have the means to both buy a larger property to share and also a smaller property to keep on a BTL basis? With contributions equal across the two properties they could then both have wills that provide that when the first partner dies the surviving partner can remain in the larger property for whichever is longer of 18 months or until any tenants have vacated the BTL property and then the larger property must be sold with the surviving partner getting their half and the heirs of the deceased partner getting their half.

Your friend is quite right that when reeling from a recent bereavement is not a reasonable time to expect anyone to move or deal with property matters. However she should also be thinking of her own children. If she dies first is it reasonable for her own children to have to wait for perhaps 20 years before receiving their inheritance based on the lifespan of someone they don't have much connection with?

I think you should set your friend up online so she can read about the subject herself

If they're roughly the same age then it seems a bit strange, if he's much older then her then it seems very sensible on his part.

Yes if he was going to single handedly pay the mortgage until he’d made up the deposit, fair enough. I doubt that though.
My guess is that the friend can buy without him but not the sort of property that she wants to. However, he definitely couldn’t buy anything without her (unless he actually has money but refuses to use it).
I just think it’s pretty brazen of this guy who has suddenly been given a chance to get on the property ladder that he wouldn’t have had before to be all “my kids are getting it and you will be homeless if I die”. Let’s see how much you can provide for your kids without your girlfriend helping shall we.

If your friend protects her deposit and then they are tenants in common for remainder then I don't see the issue. It's exactly what I would do if I remarried. I'd want my half to go to my dc so that they can benefit.

Alternatively your friend can buy in her own and not give him any rights.

He might be worried that if you were to inherit the house, your children will inherit it after you, leaving his children without any share of it. Could you both not write that both sets of children get 50/59 but there is a rule put in that while you are living you can live there rent free?

I agree, if that’s the situation and he isn’t doing something to even it up, then she shouldn’t be doing it all.

And to be honest if she can afford to buy herself but not the sort of property she wants so she is sleep walking into this, she needs get a grip.

I would love to live in a bigger house. But I live in what I can afford and it’s all mine

Yes, this, definitely. And surely if she is putting in 50K and he's not putting anything in, except mortgage payments when it comes to it, he's trying to pull a fast one? In this particular situation, it really would not be fair to expect the OP to sell up so that his children can inherit their fair share immediately after her partner's death.

If she is putting in £50k and they will pay the mortgage equally she needs to get her deposit protected as a % of the house value,

And leave her greater share of the house to her Dc, with a life interest for partner maybe for a few years.

If they reach their 70s together, the life interest and will could be reviewed again then.

And IMO not marry him, because if they divorce then her share of the house will go into the pot to be divided and she could lose out. Unless he has equal assets in another way, e.g a very big pension and she only has small.

At this stage, presuming that she is still relatively young, he is still fit and working, there is no way I would give him the right to live in my share of the house for 40 years after my death, probably with a new partner! A few years is enough. IMO.

But she is right to want the same consideration.

given the updates I think that a solicitors advice is an absolute must.
The £50K she is putting in needs to be ringfenced, ideally as a proportion of the purchase price - perhaps linked to % 'owned'
I think a grace period sounds like the most sensible option for her and for his children - especially if she is going to own the larger percentage.
Id also have clauses in there about no other future partner moving in - why should either set of children be deprived of an asset that some new gf/bf is benefitting from.

YANBU - but, he’s also NBU.

I can see why he wants his assets to go to his children, and not potentially be held by you for a long time.

Housing is very expensive - his children / grandchildren having that money in a timely matter after his death may have a big impact on their own lives.

I would do the same if I remarried now. I wouldn’t want my children / grandchildren waiting around for 10-20 years to be able to buy their own homes because my partner (who lets face it - they may have little or no relationship with) gets to keep the asset for the length of their life.

So he wants his kids to benefit from 50% of the nothing he has contributed and wants to strong arm your friend out of her home for his kids. What a fucking catch he is?! Na if I were your mate I’d be buying my own home which will not go to my freeloading partners kids in the event of his death and I’d probably be leaving his grabby arse