About boyfriend visiting a quaker house?

[Celia24]

We've been together for a year. When we met and religion came up I told him I was atheist and asked his views he said he was agnostic but didn't actively believe or practice.

Last week, the topic came up again casually and he suggested he was spiritual although didn't fully commit to saying he believed in God. He also said he didn't really agree with atheism as it was too severe.

Then while in London this week he visited a quaker house in an amazing building he came across! He joked he didn't know they even still existed and mentioned 'you'd have no need for one as an atheist'.

I'll be honest, he has never told me if he was religious in any way and I feel a bit annoyed by this. I want to have children and I don't want to raise them in a faith because that isnt my belief though I respect others.

I’m a staunch atheist but visit religious buildings regularly and am interested in learning about different religions. This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

My goodness, that's a bit severe isn't it?

I am not religious, and tend to think that religions are divisive and usually male dominated, so I am not keen on them.any of them.

However, I don't think there is anything terrible about visiting religious buildings and admiring religious music. It is also up to the individual to decide what they believe or don't believe in. I wouldn't want a partner preaching to me and expecting me to abide by their religious values, especially if they did not accord with my own, but people should be allowed to think what they want to think and believe what they want to believe.

As for the Quakers, that is about the only religious group I have some admiration for. They have in the past fearlessly campaigned for unpopular causes, such as the abolition of slavery and prison reform and they do not have a hierarchical structure, as most other religions do.

If you were a man expecting a woman to adhere to all your beliefs and values, I am sure many people would automatically think that was unacceptable.

Did he give you the impression he is going to marry you and have kids? If not, let him be!

"that isnt my belief though I respect others."
But you don't respect others because you're acting nuts about your boyfriend visiting somewhere connected to a religion. You actually sound really judgemental and close minded.
What will you do if you raise children not to believe in god and they go find religion? What if your partner down the line decides to find religion?
I'm not religious at all but I was raised in a very religious family but I definitely expose my children to other religions so they are open minded and aware of other beliefs

Would you ever consider doing a Quaker AMA, Brambles?

I’ve always been fascinated, since being a child. I think there used to be a few meeting houses in the rural villages we used to go on holiday to and the buildings initially interested me, along with Quaker Oats, which I used to eat.

You could have children with another confirmed atheist and those very children develop a faith when they are older. What are you going to do? Disown them? You don't come across as being very tolerant of people who adhere to a faith. Why does it bother you so much? You could tell your children repeatedly that faith is stupid/ ignorant/ pointless etc etc but they might still become Christians, Muslims, Buddists etc. I've been a Christian since my 20's, my beloved late Dad was an atheist and we had some interesting chats but our love and respect for each other never faltered.

It's actually not critical but truthful. You are absolute in your belief in no god but he isn't. But I do think he's wrong, anyone can enter even if it's just for a look at the architecture

Then leave him alone and find yourself an atheist. You sound a bit controlling.

I’m a Quaker too, and the actual Meeting House has very little to do with the faith. Quakers would meet in markets and each other’s homes in the early days.

Was it The Meeting house opposite Euston Station which is a lovely old building with two outside cafes and delicious wholefoods, it's very interesting to look around and sit in the peaceful courtyards,

This

Do you know anything about the Quaker faith?

It's the least 'pushy' faith there is

Being an atheist is actually an act of faith. Its saying there is definitely no god, as opposed to someone who says there definitely is a god. Neither is provable. Life is hard. So whatever it takes to get through, including religions based on the principle of do no harm, is OK with me.

Seems a bit excessive to insist on what he must believe in. If you do make it a dealbreaker, sounds like a lucky escape for him.

The worst kinds of behaviour are usually intolerance and lack of kindness. I'm more interested in a partner's values, behaviours and moral compass, than their stated religion.

Btw Children will grow up and make their own decisions on what to believe in...unless you join a cult.

You can actively raise your children to not have faith and they may find one and decide they want religion in their lives. What happens then? I think if you have such rigid views and such a closed mind you will end up having a lot of disappointment in your future.
I know people who grew up in religious households and have zero faith. I know people that grew up in zero faith households that converted to a religion.
I know people that grew up in faith households that moved away from that faith for years and then went back to it.
my point is that faith is a very personal thing and to be too rigid isn’t always the best route.
Just because he has some spiritual beliefs and visited a Quaker house doesn’t mean you will have to raise your children in that or any other faith. They’ll be exposed to religion outside of the home and will make their own minds up.

If I was him I’d run a mile.

You've don't seem to have read the OPs posts beyond the first, @Agathamarple

I know - i was responding to a comment that Quakers are Christians. Not all of them are, whether attenders or members.

I have. I was commenting on op’s comment of “I wouldn’t want future children to have faith.”
Kids don’t follow a straight route of what parents want as I mentioned in my response.

I think the main point here is I wouldn't want future children to have a faith.

It isn’t your decision, though.

Sure, you can try and control what information your future children have access to, and try to prevent them from learning about anything you don’t approve of. But when they are older whether they choose to follow a faith and, if so, which one, is entirely their own choice.

As a parent it is your job to nourish, nurture and educate, so that as adults your children are informed, independent, critical thinkers who feel empowered to live their lives however they choose.

So it would be your way or the highway. Don’t you understand that children are the joint responsibility of their parents, God help the father of your children if he doesn’t agree with everything you think is the right way to raise them!

@Celia24 It sounds to me that you're rather over-frightened at the idea of anyone close to you having a faith. Are you a particularly fervent atheist? I'm picturing a conversation where you stated your position strongly, he replied with 'Well, I'm not THAT opposed to religion!'

Anyway, Quakers aren't aligned with any particular religion. Along with the commonplace vague 'C of E for weddings and funerals' it's pretty non-threatening.

But it is a Christian denomination based on George Fox disagreeing with the way Cof E was conducted. Individuals might not be but the faith is based on belief in a Christian God

Ok. He made a snarky comment.

Does it have friends or is it on its own?

Have a chat in a quiet moment and see what else he has to say. Maybe it was misjudged or there was something else behind it.

If he's getting religion the best people to talk to are your local Quakers. As a rule they're friendly and accepting folk who tend not to use thumbscrews on others. At least, not on the first visit. 😂

Children will decide for themselves. As you are obviously obsessive about the subject, I think that it would better not to have children than have them and make their life hell.
What would you do if your nine year old decided there was a God? What will you do about children receiving religious education?
What will you do when schools celebrate religious festivities?

If I was that young man, I'd escape from your controlling ways immediately.

I’d say you’re more agnostic, then? I’ve always seen atheists as ‘anti’ religion (hence I could also have made the ‘severe’ comment), whereas agnostics don’t know, and sometimes aren’t interested either.