To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

[Notsurehowtoprocessthis]

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

Oh, OP, I am really invested in this story. As fellow mum to a non neurotypical kid, I feel this pain / frustration / chaos. Can I ask if it's not prying what the best help you need is? Are you considering cutting your holiday short? When are you due to travel back? Do you want any of us to look into travel options for you? If you were willing to share where you needed to get back to, I'm sure some of us would be more than happy to help.

I was really hoping that it would work out for you with your friend, OP, I'm so sorry.

I can't fathom going on holiday with a friend (who cannot drive) and leaving them stranded, with a child to boot. That is really despicable behaviour. You really must ring your friend to check what the arrangements are for going home though. It may be that your daughter's car seat was left in case of need - or it has just been dumped. You need to know which to inform what you do next. Don't just assume because if you go ahead and cancel the arrangements from your side... and she does call back to pick you both up, that will be awkward piled on top of disaster. Check first.

Once you check the position regarding getting home with your friend you can make your plans as needed, safe in the knowledge that you're either being picked up, or making your own way.

I would never do this to a friend I was on holiday with. If we'd had a row then I would definitely look at separate accommodation but I'd never abandon someone who had no means of getting home. If it meant that our friendship was over then so be it but I wouldn't leave someone hanging on will they/won't they take us home again? Cruel.

Ring her, OP. Have that awful conversation and then you'll know what to do next.

I think you need to think of the outcome you want OP - would you rather speak to your friend and try and smooth things over in the hopes of continuing the friendship OR do you have no wish to continue to friendship beyond this incident?

If the latter I would be cancelling the ferry tickets so that you can concentrate on sorting your own travel home, and I would forbid the use of the free Disney tickets also.

If the former, speak to your friend…ask about the plan for return travel arrangements since she has well and truly left you stranded, at the very least confirm with her that she doesn’t plan on returning for you to travel home together.

If I was your so called friend and did what she has done, there is no way I would just leave you and your child without letting you know the plan for getting home. Regardless of what has happened and any perceived rights or wrongs this is what I find most unreasonable about the whole situation. I see from your posts her child has some additional needs too, so I am loath to cast aspersions on her when I don’t know things from her perspective and why exactly she felt the need to separate from you on holiday, there may be legitimate reasons from her point of view for doing this. That said it is completely out of order for her to leave you to worry and wonder how you will get home, that is what’s most unforgivable here!

I think she said upthread that "friend" had gone to stay somewhere else for the night, but could be wrong!

Has she taken all her and her daughter’s belongings, OP? I mean, is it clear she’s definitely not returning to the caravan, or whether she may have just gone out for the day with her daughter to cool off, and just left the car seat in case you needed to cab somewhere or just because the sight of it reminded her of the meltdown?

I would also look at flights and Eurostar rather than foot tickets on the ferry. A lot simpler. If I'm honest, I think your friend will cool down though, it would be a horrible thing to leave you and a small child stranded abroad, really far beyond normal getting fed up on holiday territory

Another option is to get the coach from Paris to London that would include the ferry and is cheap. It's a long journey but everything is organised for you. Flix bus

I think she said the meltdown happened in a public place, the friend stormed off back to the caravan and texted to say she’d booked somewhere else and was leaving in the morning. I assumed both women and both children spent the night in the shared caravan?

I'm still waiting for the "Your 5 year old HAS A PHONE??!" comment 😂

What date are you supposed to be coming home OP?

I'm absolutely gobsmacked a friend would abandon you in a foreign country like this with your autistic child when she is supposed to drive home. What an absolute cunt. I'd never speak to her ever again. Change your ferry and go speak to reception, wev done Eurocamp/Park and always arranged transfers to the airport via them I'm sure they could do it to the ferry hopefully. Pretty shocking a parent with a child who has DLA herself would have such a lack of empathy and care towards a child/friend dealing with one meltdown.

OP did you speak to her at all before she left?

Do not let her use your Disney tickets, and cancel the ferry.

What a bitch! I'd be cancelling the ferry and disney tickets. Bet she uses those both too

2 sides to every story, there is only 1 here. Whatever was said by 2 adults has resulted in the actions taken by your friend. She may or may not be justified in changing to a hotel but until her side of the story is heard it is difficult to say if any of the drama is justified on either side.

There are 2 children involved, the adults should be able to behave as adults and calmly discuss what is the best way forward. Whether the firendship survives at this point is almost irrelevant.

If you do not wish to try and mend the situation, then I suggest you stay and enjoy the remainder of your holiday whilst also organising a way to get home, or go home straight away. Either way you need to speak to your friend to see if she plans to travel home with you and your daughter and make plans dependant on the answer.

It sounds like you do not wish to take any blame in what has happened - I would suggest you think as to if you should apologise and try to sort out the situation.

"Hi friend, we probably both said and did things yesterday which we may be regretting now. Maybe being in a small caravan for the duration of the holiday with 2 young children, with hindsight was not a good idea. I hope you daughter is feeling better today, enjoy your hotel stay hopefully we can still get together each day and enjoy ourselves, but have the evenings apart and this may lead to less fraught situations occurring - let me know what your Disney plans are and we will meet you there, sure the girls will have a lovely time. Sorry if I said things which in the heat of the moment I shouldn't have, let's put it behind us and enjoy the rest of our holiday together before we all travel home"

Cancel that ferry, block the Disney tickets and NEVER speak to her again. She’s an absolute bitch.

I agree with asking her to clarify what her plans are. My response would depend on what she said.

I've not read all of the thread but is you and your daughter need to get back, try and get a box and put clothing and non essential items in the box and get it posted/couriered back to your home so that you can travel light and just have your daughters hand to hold.

What an alarming thread - is your friend not good at coping more generally?

You must be so anxious about getting back for the new school year, too.

Omg OP.

What a shitty thing to do - and leaving the car seat too. Unbelievable.

Try not to panic. There are lots of knowledgeable women on here who will try and help you home.

Don't be afraid to ask for - and accept - help.

Do you have travel insurance?

What a bitch your friend is. I think you do need to speak to her though, and ascertain that she's definitely not coming back. If she's not, then cancel the ferry and Disney tickets. You can get a train to Paris and the Eurostar home. I've done it - it's not difficult at all. Only get the car seat (and the rest of your stuff) couriered back if that's a cheaper option than just replacing it when you get home. Sorry this has happened, but you may as well enjoy the rest of your holiday. It's not really any harder to get back from France than, say, Scotland.

Hiya, I'm so grateful for the kind support.

I've been off my phone as it's slow at charging so it's been on charge.

I asked her last night not to use the tickets for Disney as my friend who gave them to us wants to donate them if I am not using them. She didn't reply. As for not communicating things. She just got up early and stormed straight out, packed the car very quickly and drove off, whilst we were just stirring. She's taken everything although left a few of her beer glasses for me to clean and left the flag I bought for her daughter as we went to the Paralympics. We were supposed to go to another event this Saturday but that's a clear message what she thinks of my ideas. I know that the car seat is a message that we are left to get our own transport because she knows there's nowhere I'd go by car around here as there's a station outside the campsite and she knows I use public transport for everything when I'm alone. I know what she's like as she's fallen out with exes and done dramatic things to end it.

There's no Eurocamp rep here, just the french staff, who are lovely btw.

So I asked the staff if there were any suitcases in lost property and they checked and there weren't but they showed me where the easiest supermarket is to get to. Train two stops then twenty mins walk. I'll just buy one and then figure out the next step.

I checked my free disney tickets and there's no way I can book anything in advance with them, you can only transfer at the park gate, so I've no idea if my ex friend will use them until I show up there. Bit unsure what to do there. I'm booked in accomodation until Monday. I could just go to the park anyway and if she's done the wrong thing and used them I'll have to credit card some tickets for me and DD and just watch the parade etc, rather than queue. I can get a train and a bus to Disney from here, I've found it. Buses are hourly. I was planning to go Disney tomorrow but I think I need a day to get sorted so could go Sunday. I've got athletics tickets booked for sat. Went into Paris yesterday and found it really hard with DD and one rucksack, but not impossible. I do have a lot of anxiety in cities as I grew up during the London tube bombings and heard the canary wharf bomb go of, but I can get through it for something important. There were police sirens going off everywhere all day yesterday and I found it hard even though it was a magical day. Because of her autism she found the language barrier hard and just wanted to be back at the campsite, but she loved the Paralympics which we went to first thing in the morning.

I'll look at Eurostar tonight and other options too.

I'll definitely cancel the ferry if I can.

I may just do a slow journey home next week and stop somewhere so I'm not rushing to catch ferries or worried about train delays. I really don't know if I can face a flight with DD, but i can try. The train to CDG is also really really busy, as I've done it before when I wasn't a parent.

Sorry I haven't replied directly to all questions, there's so much support here, it's hard to catch up with it all and im still feeling pretty frazzled and slightly heartbroken.

Can you Amazon Prime a cheap suitcase to the campsite reception and ask the staff if they can receive it for you?

You poor thing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis. Your ex friend sounds absolutely horrible and I'm sure you know that this is the death knell on your friendship.

I would do everything I can to make things difficult. Cancel the ferry and ask your friend to void the Disney tickets.

I'd also look at getting a cheap flight. I know you're anxious about air travel but it will mean a quick trip home for you both without the need for lugging luggage and a car seat around.

I'm sorry this happened to you and your daughter.

Gosh I can't believe your friend has done that, that is super super nasty, I hope things work out for you and that you manage to get home ok.