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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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ifIwerenotanandroid · 05/09/2024 10:57

Can I just say that I've read your last post & am even more in awe of your courage & resourcefulness. Your refusal to give in but rather to find a way through things no matter the effort it will take from you is gobsmacking.

🍿for the matter of the Disney tickets

ChangeTheProphecy · 05/09/2024 10:58

French trains are great, very efficient and easy to use plus you can book tickets using the Trainline app if that is easier for you (although I think the admin fee would bump the price up a bit). Also as we’re out of summer holiday time Eurostar are bound to have tickets available. A pp had a good point, it might just be cheaper to leave the car seat and buy another when you get home.

I’d cancel the ferry, your friend is horrid and you don’t want to risk bumping into her on the boat. Plus she sounds like she deserves a bit of admin stress!

HaveSomeIntrospect · 05/09/2024 11:01

What a horrible situation to be in. Keep strong 💐

tattychicken · 05/09/2024 11:02

I am completely gobsmacked that she just buggered off.

Vettrianofan · 05/09/2024 11:03

If that's a friend, I wouldn't want to know what an enemy is OP 😬

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 05/09/2024 11:06

I've travelled back and forth quite a bit from France with autistic dc.
The eurostar might be easiest and if you're able to book it, you can also phone and ask for disability assistance to help with avoiding the queue and help through security.

With flying, I would also recommend booking airport assistance ahead of time.

I've been to disneyland a good few times with the dc. They are unlikely to give the access pass without proof of disability but they have a wide range of things they accept. Do you have an ehcp or a blue badge?
Also, there are lots of things without a queue like the Alice in wonderland maze.
You can easily have a day without queues, or just with very short queues.
The trick is to get there as soon as it opens.
Do things while it's quieter, then a break when it gets busy or you can visit playgrounds. You can book a nice meal on their app. There is a spectacularly fancy place called l'auberge de cendrillon which is expensive but you meet all the princesses.

I'm so sorry this person has treated you this way though. It is despicable and I hope you're able to avoid her in the future.

Whatstheworstthatcanhappen354 · 05/09/2024 11:12

Lots of good advice here OP - and well done you for being resourceful! Just wanted to send you and your daughter lots of hugs

Silvers11 · 05/09/2024 11:17

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis Whatever happened between you both and not even looking at whose fault it was, or whether there was fault on both sides perhaps, your 'friend' abandoning you to make your own way home with a young ASD child in a foreign country is absolutely despicable. Dreadful, disgusting behaviour.

As others have said, though, it is possible that she will calm down and realise she would be an absolute cunt to abandon you to make your own way home. I do think you should at least try to speak to her, or at the very least, send her a text asking if she will still be taking you home? Point out that you need to know ( say within 24 hours) whether you need to make alternative arrangements. If she replies that she isn't - or doesn't reply, you will have your answer and at least you have tried?

itsjustbiology · 05/09/2024 11:19

OP.. You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.As the saying goes. You are being super strong Keep it up! Your doing great! You can do this x

RosaMoline · 05/09/2024 11:19

This too is one of the most upsetting things I’ve read on MN.
I have an ASD son (he’s 27 now, in supported living)
We had some very challenging moments with him, but none of my friends abandoned me.
Go to Disney OP: try and use the free tickets, and plan B, use your credit card like you said. You and DD will have a magical day there, and it’ll ease the pain.
I hope she does not try and contact you soon to make up. I would never, ever have anything to do with such a terrible person again, and no amount of apologies could ever repair things.

armadillio · 05/09/2024 11:22

This is shocking! I hope you manage to cancel the ferry, I’d do it asap as they might not to do too close to the departure date.

I hope the Disney queues are short and you go on some rides.

Speak to accessibility/hospitality when you get there, if you have some proof of DD’s SN they may help.

babyhighlandcow · 05/09/2024 11:25

Shocking behaviour from your friend. What an absolute bitch for leaving you stranded. Who would do such a nasty thing.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/09/2024 11:27

Please do cancel the ferry ticket, even if you lose money. She is pure evil to do that to you and DD, no matter what she thinks you have “done”.

Can your other friend call Disney and try and cancel/move two of the tickets? And reissue two for you to use? I’d still go and watch the parade and maybe you could speak to customer service and show them your daughter’s application for DLA and see if they can help. Or can you credit card a fast track pass?

Definitely try Amazon.fr for a suitcase delivered to the campsite. I’m sure the staff can help if you need.

Gettoachiro · 05/09/2024 11:30

Absolutely sickening :(

Cancel the ferry. Hope you get to take your little one to Disney still 🤞

sandyhappypeople · 05/09/2024 11:31

If you're going to be travelling by eurostar book it now OP, It seems the closer you are to the travel date the more expensive it becomes and that rolls on day by day, you could always book a cheap B&B near the station in paris one night to get a cheap early morning fare.

It sounds like you aren't coming home till next week so don't worry about making extra journeys right this second to find luggage, take your time and try and work it into one of your existing journeys, if you're going back and forth to paris you should be able to find something along the way.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/09/2024 11:31

Silvers11 · 05/09/2024 11:17

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis Whatever happened between you both and not even looking at whose fault it was, or whether there was fault on both sides perhaps, your 'friend' abandoning you to make your own way home with a young ASD child in a foreign country is absolutely despicable. Dreadful, disgusting behaviour.

As others have said, though, it is possible that she will calm down and realise she would be an absolute cunt to abandon you to make your own way home. I do think you should at least try to speak to her, or at the very least, send her a text asking if she will still be taking you home? Point out that you need to know ( say within 24 hours) whether you need to make alternative arrangements. If she replies that she isn't - or doesn't reply, you will have your answer and at least you have tried?

Leaving the car seat is a bit of a sign though isn’t it? If I was OP I’d use it to get a taxi with DD to the ferry on the last day and go home that way, booking a taxi/train the other side. I wouldn’t ever contact this so-called friend again, nor even to piss on me if I was on fire!

AuCo44 · 05/09/2024 11:31

What a horrible woman, fancy abandoning you just because of your daughter's meltdown. She's obviously uneducated about autism. as well as being mean-spirited and unkind.

I hope you manage to salvage some of the holiday. If you can cancel the ferry, do it.

As for the 'friend' - consign her to the bin.

MollyButton · 05/09/2024 11:36

She sounds awful!

You are well out of it despite the stress. The only way now is up.
Do check with your DD if she really wants to do paralympics or Disney, as she could be saying yes because that's what she thinks you want.

And good luck Flowers

ButterCrackers · 05/09/2024 11:37

As your friend paid for the ferry you won’t be cancel it. She might have left the car seat in case you needed it to travel by car.

Codlingmoths · 05/09/2024 11:37

Amazon prime is a good idea for suitcase! 100% cancel that ferry what a total asshole she is stranding you and your 5yo. She would be dead to me. Message her and say if I get to Disney land and you’ve used my ticket I will tell everyone I know you dumped the car seat and abandoned me and my 5yo at a caravan park in France.

RampantIvy · 05/09/2024 11:38

I don't think I have been as shocked by such despicable behaviour as your ex friend has displayed.

You sound absolutely brilliant and I Hooe you can salvage something of your holiday from this.

I know that cancelling the ferry and Disney tickets is petty revenge, but I would do it in a heartbeat.

Good luck for a safe and uneventful journey home.

itsjustbiology · 05/09/2024 11:39

Another thought OP don;t know if this will help but if you are not able to navigate your way home confidently then please reach out for help. The British Embassy and consulate services are there to help, they are in Paris . I am sure they can advise and help you plan a clear route back home. I know when things go wrong its hard to think clearly especially when you also have added responsibilities of having a child with additional needs who you are caring for. A friendly voice who can just be there and help sort you out is worth its weight in gold. Google them if your struggling and ring and ask them for help if needed.

Smittenkitchen · 05/09/2024 11:42

Unforgivable behaviour from your friend imo. Best wishes to you in making the best if the rest of your trip and getting home without difficulty.

Fastback · 05/09/2024 11:42

Jesus. She is a shockingly awful human being. Cancel the ferry. Leave cunt stranded. (Sorry, I know that’s strong language but honestly…)

85isalive · 05/09/2024 11:43

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis

I am not sure if others have suggested it - but a company like mybaggage.com might be handy - if you can get a big box from reception, pack up all your clothes and bedding into it. The car seat could go alongside it, maybe in a bin bag to keep it clean.

It will be pricey, but it will save you trying to cart things around with you, and you and DD will only need to carry small bags.