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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Rightsraptor · 05/09/2024 08:54

I have no useful advice apart from never have anything to do with this dreadful woman ever again. She is not your friend. She is an appalling excuse for a human being.

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 08:55

You both sound like drama lamas I'm afraid.

I cannot believe you are in a caravan and didn't hear.her leave.

Just speak to each other fgs!!!

BurbageBrook · 05/09/2024 08:56

Your friend is a disgusting human being and I would be cutting contact forever. I'd be choosing whatever option is easiest for you to get home and not thinking about your friend at all, as she certainly hasn't thought about you. She is horrific.

Cantabulous · 05/09/2024 08:56

What a nightmare, OP, I’m so sorry. Your friend sounds a complete mess. Forget her now, you’re on your own.

I think I would take today to calm down and work on a plan. Book yiur ferry tickets.

See if anyone at the campsite can give you a lift to a shop for food.

probably follow up the courier idea for the car seat and some of your stuff, then one big difficult day travelling by train and ferry at the end, with child and one bag.

in the intervening days you can just relax and do what you and your DD like doing best.

Toomanyemails · 05/09/2024 08:57

I'm sorry OP I have no advice but wanted to say I really feel for you. Your friend has been out of order, even accounting for stress and tiredness there are so many ways she could have dealt with this better whereas I don't see what you could have done. Hope you and DD are able to have a lovely time and sort your way home either with friend once she's cooked down or by your own means, you'll feel so accomplished when you've managed it. Once youre back home, sounds like a good time to think about your boundaries with this friend and maybe others in your life. She sounds a nightmare

JohnCravensNewsround · 05/09/2024 08:57

I have to say, in my many years of mumsnet, this is one of the worst things I have ever read.

afrikat · 05/09/2024 08:58

Wow OP I'm so sorry this has happened. She sounds utterly awful and I'd certainly never speak to her again. I have no helpful advice on how to get home but really hope you can get it all figured out. I feel awful for you especially with a child with ASD, massive stress you don't need

Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 08:58

Sinisterdexter · 05/09/2024 08:53

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis I’m slightly baffled.
Did you not here your friend get up with a dc?
I would have gone to speak to her before she left.

Yes, this was my question. As I understand it, they were sharing a caravan, so it’s not as though the departure can have been inaudible.

alrightluv · 05/09/2024 08:59

I can't believe what I'm reading. What a first class horror doing that to you. I really hope you get sorted. Definitely cancel the ferry.

Ottersmith · 05/09/2024 08:59

Oh god she sounds really awful. The best thing to do is try to move on as quickly as possible and make this work. Change the ferry to just walk on tickets first of all. Try to make the most of your week there and as others have said, tell people about your situation. I'm not sure what you can do about the car seat. She could have bloody driven it home for you. She sounds completely insane. I take it the friendship is over?

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 09:01

Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 08:58

Yes, this was my question. As I understand it, they were sharing a caravan, so it’s not as though the departure can have been inaudible.

This whole sorry saga is a testament to the value of having a sensible, face to face, old fashioned conversation.

Luhou · 05/09/2024 09:02

Hi OP sorry not read the full thread. Sorry this is happening. Have you got a euro camp rep on site? They should speak English and be able to assist you regarding local shops, public transport etc. Can you get the eurostar?

Namechange5555555555 · 05/09/2024 09:02

Rightsraptor · 05/09/2024 08:54

I have no useful advice apart from never have anything to do with this dreadful woman ever again. She is not your friend. She is an appalling excuse for a human being.

Totally agree!!!

Temushopper · 05/09/2024 09:04

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:33

İts absolutely pouring with rain today. Me and dd are just sitting on phones in the bedroom.

I don't know how to process all of this about the car seat...that's definitely a strong signal that we aren't getting a lift home.

I just feel a bit heartbroken. I don't think I'll say anything to her as she does love drama a bit and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I might see if I can courier my stuff home. I'm absolutely petrified of flying, hence doing a holiday close to home, and by the time I go into Paris and get the train to CDG I might as well be on a train en route to Calais, I think. I just wanted a holiday to be away from admin for a bit. We won't go to Disney, it'll be too much without a queue jump pass.

You need to get in touch with her and ask what she plans for the return journey. Just not saying anything because she likes drama isn’t sensible. You don’t need to be emotional about it just check if she/daughter are okay after daughter being hurt and ask what the plan for return journey is. Try calling and if she doesn’t pick up send a text.

If you get a confirmation she plans to leave you or no response then you can message to say that since she will not/you feel you can’t trust she will take you back following her reaction to daughter’s meltdown you need to get return travel sorted.

The options are that she keeps the ferry tickets and sends you payment separately for a train/ferry home for you/daughter so you can book as foot passengers or that you just change the existing booking and she does her own thing.

Again no response/refusal to transfer you the money then you rebook and confirm that is what you have done.

If your other friend can cancel and reissue the Disney codes ask them to cancel now so they can give to someone else in case you can’t work things out.

Obviously never go away with this person again as it would be utterly stressful given your experience this time and seriously consider if you really want to have anything to do with them ongoing.

HRCsMumma · 05/09/2024 09:08

JohnCravensNewsround · 05/09/2024 08:57

I have to say, in my many years of mumsnet, this is one of the worst things I have ever read.

Same

Viviennemary · 05/09/2024 09:15

Just sounds like there are too many problems with the children's behaviour to have an enjoyable holiday. Your friend should honour her obligation to drive you home which she probably will. I don't think she would leave you standed in a foreign country.

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 09:15

You need to get in touch with her and ask what she plans for the return journey. Just not saying anything because she likes drama isn’t sensible. You don’t need to be emotional about it just check if she/daughter are okay after daughter being hurt and ask what the plan for return journey is. Try calling and if she doesn’t pick up send a text

100% this @Notsurehowtoprocessthis

Thisoldheartofmine · 05/09/2024 09:15

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LadiesInFranceTogether/?locale=en_GB
@Notsurehowtoprocessthis
Someone suggested posting on the above FB group.
Ignore the unhelpful remarks on here.
Sending love and strengthFlowers
You can do this, people will help.

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LadiesInFranceTogether?locale=en_GB

user1471538283 · 05/09/2024 09:17

I think it's pointless having anything to do with her again. Try and concentrate on either enjoying what's left of your holiday or coming home. Who would leave a child stranded?

She sounds spiteful.

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 09:17

Yes definitely spend your day sitting on your phone on mumsnet and Facebook rather than spending 15 minutes confirming things with your friend.

Merryhobnobs · 05/09/2024 09:19

I do not think you would be out of order to cancel the ferry and sort out other travel arrangements.. as that is what your friend has essentially done to you. Now could you get a member of staff to get a suitcase delivered to your campsite via amazon? Or ask to see if there are any that have been left behind or holdalls? They are likely to have all sorts of stuff left behind. When you say you are afraid of flying is it a tiny bit so feasible or not really feasible at all? Your daughter is 5, I would not mention disney again unless she does and if she does have a plausible story about not being able to get a ticket after all. If you are going by train then try and get the car seat and luggage couriered home and then maybe plan a stop overnight somewhere, break it up and turn it into a stressful journey home into something more fun and part of the holiday.

Your friend is completely unreasonable. It's okay to be overwhelmed and she could have said she needed a break but still stuck to the travel plans, to just go off and leave you stranded in a huff is worse behaviour than your child meltdown because as an adult she should have been able to recognise her feelings but come up with a plan to deal with them without hurting others.

Justnippinginthegaragelove · 05/09/2024 09:20

I can't quite believe what I've just read! Your 'friend' is a vile human, I'd definitely go NC after this. Good luck with getting home. I wouldn't hesitate to cancel the ferry and book yourselves on as foot passengers.

Superworm24 · 05/09/2024 09:23

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:33

İts absolutely pouring with rain today. Me and dd are just sitting on phones in the bedroom.

I don't know how to process all of this about the car seat...that's definitely a strong signal that we aren't getting a lift home.

I just feel a bit heartbroken. I don't think I'll say anything to her as she does love drama a bit and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I might see if I can courier my stuff home. I'm absolutely petrified of flying, hence doing a holiday close to home, and by the time I go into Paris and get the train to CDG I might as well be on a train en route to Calais, I think. I just wanted a holiday to be away from admin for a bit. We won't go to Disney, it'll be too much without a queue jump pass.

Is there not someone at home who can drive over to pick you up? We had to pick up DHs cousin after a minor car accident left her stranded in France.

tensmum1964 · 05/09/2024 09:23

I would cancel the ferry and let her sort herself out. After what she has done she doesn't deserve any consideration.