To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

[Notsurehowtoprocessthis]

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

wow, that's incredible that the song came on after you were reading this. i love that we're somehow all connected now! i'm going to find the song and listen to it now. I think I really have found the key, you know. Things feel so different now I'm back. Like I came back to a different England and I have a different outlook and excitement for the future. Even though I'm still knackered!

Thank you, I'm definitely getting there- very slowly. So much to process, so I guess it couldn't all be processed in France!

Hi Mumsnet, I've missed you all.

I realised I might not ever do my Disney update if I keep thinking about it looming over me, so I was thinking, I might just do sporadic Disney updates with a few bits of info about our day. I've just walked into the kitchen and found dd hiding behind the fridge, so you can see why it takes me a while to get into things.

The main thing is- yes, we got in with our tickets, and yes I was able to show my limited capacity for work award letter to get the priority pass. And yes, I couldn't have survived the day without it! I know it's thanks to all of you, helping me get out of my head and think things through, that I realised I would possibly be eligible for one myself.

We had to queue for ages to get the priority pass (maybe like 30 mins plus), but ironically, that was the only queue of the day. There weren't even that many people in that queue but for some reason people's requests seemed to take 10-15 minutes each. Although mine only took about 5. The man leading us up to the queue was so helpful and said even if I didn't have proof of dd's autism, maybe I had an email or something with some info about it, between me and another organisation. I couldn't think of anything I would have kept, and all my correspondence was 18 months to two years ago, so I didn't know how I'd found it- although I had completely forgotten I had all dd's doctor notes on my email, I'd requested.recently for DLA evidence, I could have gone though.

I had a spark of brain power and said 'Oh I have a disability and I get a benefit for that, will that be okay?' and he said 'yes, as long as you have a letter or something.' So, I showed the lady at the counter my LCWAR letter via my universal credit journal and it was fine. She made me fill in a little form to see how much mobility help I needed, and I got the violet card, with my photo on, printed out straight away. She even asked me how many days I wanted it for.

I had been so worried about whether our free tickets had been given away or not, and if I'd be able to sit and order park tickets online, with dd not going insane, if it were the case that the tickets had been used, but I only found out today that if you have proof of disability you CAN buy tickets at the entrance, as they're reduced. There were people in front of us buying tickets for a few days. It turned out we didn't need to buy tickets anyway, but the anxiety was sooooo elongated, with me not realising that you could still buy disability tickets at the gates. I had kinda written off getting any kind of pass and was only in the disability queue because it looked the shortest to get tickets, (more fool me!) and it was the closest one to me and I had all our luggage with me, which needed depositing at the luggage room afterwards. So it was a lovely surprise to be easily handed a pass and then have to queue at a separate disability counter to exchange my free tickets. I elongated the ticket anxiety even further, by opening the same ticket two times in a row, but it went through and dd was thrilled that there was space for us to get there. Honestly, despite being a random Tuesday in term time, it was rammed inside! I think all of Spain had a week off still and had gone to find El Mickey y sus amigos

Anyway, the day was amazing, if not exhausting, and I might have picked up some kind of stomach infection there, which lasted a week, but I really want to go again next year, now knowing the things I do, to make it 100 times easier. DD loved it too. She kept shouting 'I love it here!' and doing little spins. By late afternoon though, she had had enough and just wanted to look for things to buy.

I had hoped, we would come home and she would find a love for Disney films with me, but alas, we are still stuck with youtube kids on loop in the background.

I'll try and do another update about the different parks and how it worked for us with dd's autism/adhd and my hypermobility.

Thank you for your fabulous update @Notsurehowtoprocessthis
I am in awe of you. DD has CFS and is hypermobile and some of the scenarios you have posted now make more sense for DD. So thank you for the health updates as well.

I hope you manage to make it back to Disney and have a much more stress free holiday there.

That's so good to hear. How lovely dd was spinning saying she loved Disney 😍

Did anything come of the ring doorbell? I take it awful friend hasn't been in touch.

We do everything on the credit card and pay it off by direct debit every month. We have a credit card that has a points system per £ spent, and we save the points for Christmas. The shops are the usual Argos, Boots etc.

I didn't bump into the neighbours to mention it, which is strange, as I usually do, and then figured it was too late to see any saved data. I'm moving in a few weeks, so just going to put it behind me, and have an old lock which I can put in for the new people.

I haven't spoken to ex-friend or heard anything, but I've had to walk past her a few times on the school run and just ignored. In fact, one day, she was stood in the kerb of the pavement on the corner of where everyone crosses the road and we couldn't get past, so just ignored and walked around her. Have complained to the school about parents standing on the kerb, as it's dangerous as we can't see traffic past all the parked SUVs, but they've said they can't do or say anything about it. I just figured she's meant to be one of those obstructive people who causes people issues and always gets away with it, but is probably lonely and full of misery, so isn't actually winning at anything. If she does it again, I've decided I'll just cross to the parallel side of the road and then cross back over later.

dd got a bit upset that she can't ever play with her friend again, as friend has moved into juniors and i said she can't come over to play, as her mum has been very mean to me. i also reminded her of the time just before the holiday when her friend was over our house and was pushing her in the garden when i didn't see, and made her cry and so maybe it was for the best. she did make a new friend yesterday evening though at mcdonalds and we swapped numbers for a play date.

I had to contact her boss because I had applied for a grant to help with moving home through the charity she works for, and explain I could no longer have my ex-friend as the person contacting me with the progress, due to her not being safe for me to be around, and she was fine and professional about it and said I could do my paperwork on a different day, when my ex-friend isn't working. her boss is her best mate, so i expected some backlash but she was fine with me. So at least that's another thing she hasn't be able to ruin for me. My credit card bill is much higher than I had expected, what with all the stress I hadn't been keeping an eye on it, but me and dd have just been staying at home more and I haven't had any take-aways all week. I figure it will balance itself out in about two months and we had a lot of fun, so we've not missed out. After I move house I can do some matched betting or put a few bits on Ebay to try and pay off what's left on it. i've also got a cashback.co.uk account which i half finished ages ago, so I can finish that off at some point to get an extra 100-200. i think i'm still in shock that she turned out to be so cruel, but i went through old messages and there were signs there which i hadn't noticed, so it will teach me to be more vigilant. i also didn't like the way i was in the texts as well, dragged into toxic ways of seeing things and joking about things i never would have usually joked about, so i can see it's a blessing she's gone, i was a bit blind, probably spell bound by having a close friend after a long time being a single mum and naive to think she was loyal and would never turn on me.

Yes hindsight is a wonderful thing. You learn by it though.
It's good dd has another play date lined up.

Ex friend really is awful. I'm amazed she has a best friend.

aww thank you, and i'm sorry to hear that your dd suffers as well, but it's nice to hear it's helped her. i've been told that the fatigue is actually due to the hypermobility, but that nhs doctors haven't really linked the two yet. a lot of people in facebook groups are talking about how they have these issues and they know it's due to the hypermobility but doctors deny it, yet so many people have the same related issues alongside the hypermobility so it makes sense it's the hypermobility causing deeper issues. my physio denies my issues and blames it on fibromyalgia, so she doesn't have to help treat me, but i've spoken to the guys at 'The fibromyalgia guys' and they've said that my fibromyalgia symptoms are caused by the hypermobility. Which makes sense as fibro appeared after my hypermobility got worse. They're specialists who help to rehabilitate people, based on their own research, but they also cost around 7k, so I'm hoping to save for it if my PIP is approved.

I don't know if that helps, but focusing on protecting joints and being aware of what my muscles etc are going through helps me pace myself enough to prevent the fatigue and fog sometimes. (Although not after a day at Disney, even with the queue pass!).

Btw, I've decided I will do a blog. I used to do one years ago before dd and just did some creative writing on it every few months or year or so, but it would be nice to have a go at writing something regularly about our life with neurodiversity and hypermobility and a bit of travelling thrown in. I've never done anything like that or considered it being something I could ever do, but I'm really keen for the challenge. Just wondering which platform would people prefer to read on, for those who have said they'd like me to keep writing? I'm considering substack at the moment, but I know that means having a substack account to be able to follow. I used to use wordpress but everytime I go on there now to try and play around on my old blog, the format has changed to something so horrible, I can barely stay on there. I was thinking I could do blog posts about our life and then do the occasional post about travel tips for neurodiversity, which I could group somewhere on the blog.

I don't want to out her friend, but I've got a feeling she only goes for vulnerable people.

Glad you enjoyed disney. Disability tickets can only be purchased on the day because they need to see the proof. They don't sell out of disabled and carrer tickets.
Travel Blog forcrhose with neurodiversity sounds great.
Good luck with the move.

Glad things are well and thanks for replying. Hopefully the move will be a fresh start for you. Great you've decided to write a blog. Maybe the wise MN's can help?

When I first read your post I couldn't believe how it unfolded, it was horrible to read, never mind be the person it was happening to. You seem to have found an inner strength, and I'm so happy that you are both home safely. She has serious issues that will only see her ostracized by others, and she deserves it for what she has done to you and your dd. I wish you all the best for the future.

You're sounding a lot less vulnerable

I don't really understand, did ex-friend use the tickets, or not, @Notsurehowtoprocessthis ?

No she didn't, but I had no way of knowing until I got to the gate and the man scanned them both, as she wouldn't reply to my messages.

Thank you, that means a lot. X

Morning all! Well I've been sorting out a blog just now. I found an old Substack account which I made for a writing course last winter and never really used, so I played around with that, and got it ready to start writing about our life on it. I'm not sure what to write, but I'm excited to give it a go and start sharing more things :) I've managed to get the debts sorted out yesterday- I shifted everything over to a balance transfer card, and in total I only have £50 a month to pay off for this debt and some old debts altogether, and it's interest free until Jan 2025. I'm kicking the can down the road, but hopefully things will be better off by then, and it won't be an issue to keep paying them off and pay off a bigger amount. I had a new physio see me at the GP's and he's much better than the last and said he will proper investigate my pains with scans and not just see physio as the only solution.

So all is well that ends well. I'm just waiting for a moving date and then my life will be a lot better moving forwards. I went to my favourite place to get food and drink yesterday evening with DD and we had a drink each and some fries, and it made me feel so much more settled than I have done since I got home. I feel like I'm finally putting the toxicity and upheaval of that week behind me, and I got to speak to my therapist about it all as well, which really helped. I wanted to do a little UK trip with dd at half term, to make up for the upheaval of the last one, but then I started thinking about Christmas and Halloween and all the nice things we can do around then, and I decided to save for those.

Once I write a post on the substack, I'll share it here for those of you who want to stay connected :) It's been lovely having people reach out and ask for the campsite details and being able to make new connections, and share travel tips with one another.

It's good to hear how positive and strong you are sounding and well done for tackling the credit card debt. I agree with you about saving for Christmas and Halloween instead of going away at half term. There are so many nice things you and DD can do on days out rather than paying to stay elsewhere, plus as you have a moving date coming soon I suspect you will have your hands full.

That's great news about your new physio, sounds a lot more positive and I really hope he can help you to get the medical care you need.

Thank you. I do like a positive day. There haven't been so many lately, but I'm definitely finding more, and hoping for more.

Drumroll please.....

https://aufamily.substack.com/

I've made a start on the blog, and created an introduction. I need to figure out how to put a picture in the background of the title of the blog post on the homepage, but hoping I can slowly jazz it up a bit, and get more posts on there which have a bit more of my voice, but I'm so grateful for you all for giving me the nudge to get it going! That little puzzle photo, I made that on substacks AI picture generator! It took a few attempts for it to get the message, but I think I got there. I'm so pleased, as I've never generated an image before! I don't seem to be able to generate images for the blog posts itself, just the thumbnail for my profile, but maybe someone else knows how I can?

Hi OP @Notsurehowtoprocessthis I’d also like the link for the campsite please 😊

Are you genuine @Notsurehowtoprocessthis? I’ve got to admit, I feel a bit uncomfortable with how quickly you’ve produced a blog, which quite robustly encourages paid for subscriptions.

Surely nobody will be mad/sad enough to subscribe to that..