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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
DollieBantrysPantry · 12/09/2024 08:43

Safe journey home OP, hope all is well when you get there and you can finally relax, you have been amazing throughout all of this

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:06

Just re Disney, they will do the queue jump for kids with autism to help so you can still get that.

Personally I would call your friend and try really calmly and supportively to sort this out, maybe some stuff together and some not. Explain your worried about her and yes your daughter screaming wasn't ideal but couldn't be helped and isn't often. Sounds like your friend is struggling and has just snapped and probably not thought it all through in the moment. Good luck.

RampantIvy · 12/09/2024 09:13

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:06

Just re Disney, they will do the queue jump for kids with autism to help so you can still get that.

Personally I would call your friend and try really calmly and supportively to sort this out, maybe some stuff together and some not. Explain your worried about her and yes your daughter screaming wasn't ideal but couldn't be helped and isn't often. Sounds like your friend is struggling and has just snapped and probably not thought it all through in the moment. Good luck.

The OPhas updated several times since her first post.

CrochetForLife · 12/09/2024 09:18

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:06

Just re Disney, they will do the queue jump for kids with autism to help so you can still get that.

Personally I would call your friend and try really calmly and supportively to sort this out, maybe some stuff together and some not. Explain your worried about her and yes your daughter screaming wasn't ideal but couldn't be helped and isn't often. Sounds like your friend is struggling and has just snapped and probably not thought it all through in the moment. Good luck.

@GabriellaFaith That was over a week ago, OP is on her way home now, you can read all the OP's posts on this thread - without anyone else's posts, just the OP's alone - , by clicking on See all at the bottom of her OP. Here's the link to all 68 of her posts on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5158235-to-ask-you-to-help-me-process-things-and-get-home-from-france?postsby=Notsurehowtoprocessthis

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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5158235-to-ask-you-to-help-me-process-things-and-get-home-from-france?postsby=Notsurehowtoprocessthis

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:25

CrochetForLife · 12/09/2024 09:18

@GabriellaFaith That was over a week ago, OP is on her way home now, you can read all the OP's posts on this thread - without anyone else's posts, just the OP's alone - , by clicking on See all at the bottom of her OP. Here's the link to all 68 of her posts on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5158235-to-ask-you-to-help-me-process-things-and-get-home-from-france?postsby=Notsurehowtoprocessthis

That's so helpful to know how to see all the posters threads! Thank you.

I realised just after posting there were loads of pages (clearly too tierd today!) but for the life of me I cannot delete my post!

Glad she's home though!

waitingforlifeonmars · 12/09/2024 09:33

I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but inform school you were abandoned in France and name "friend". Explain the whole situation. The likelihood hood is that they have had dealings with said person and will understand- if not, send them to this post - although it does give away you chose to stay longer- it may be the only evidence you have.

Send a bill to your "friend" for half the caravan- they didn't stick to their half of the bargain.
If anyone starts judging you, tell them you don't have the energy to explain what happened but they can read about it in Mumsnet- give them the title.
She may be weaving a narrative of what happened but you have it narrated as it happened not after the event.

alrightluv · 12/09/2024 09:36

Hoping all goes well on your journey home. I agree about telling the school you were abandoned.

Gardengirl108 · 12/09/2024 09:54

Has your friend said she’s travelling home alone without you or just that she wants to continue the holiday separately in different accommodation? I think that needs to be established first.

GuestFeatu · 12/09/2024 09:57

Gardengirl108 · 12/09/2024 09:54

Has your friend said she’s travelling home alone without you or just that she wants to continue the holiday separately in different accommodation? I think that needs to be established first.

When you find a really long thread it's worth checking when the OP first posted and checking their following posts to see where the thread has got to. When a thread is 700+ posts long chances are things have moved on since the OP.

Gardengirl108 · 12/09/2024 10:01

GuestFeatu · 12/09/2024 09:57

When you find a really long thread it's worth checking when the OP first posted and checking their following posts to see where the thread has got to. When a thread is 700+ posts long chances are things have moved on since the OP.

Yes, apologies. I just jumped in and immediately realised this was a really long thread. Hope that OP is safely home soon.

ClockworkDisaster · 12/09/2024 10:11

Hope your journey home is going well OP. Like others have said, you have demonstrated so much resilience. If nothing else you could use it as an excellent
example of resilience or planning on a job interview if you ever needed it.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 10:28

We are on the train!

I tried to attach a photo but my signal is a bit tetchy!

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 10:32

Btw just wanted to add if anyone is motivated to go to Disney or Paris after this, Eurostar have got a sale on for November tickets. There were one way tickets for 57 when I checked yesterday.

The other thing is if anyone needs a reliable taxi driver for the Disney area, I can give you the number of the one we used. I got him through bolt and arranged for a private pick up to take us to Chessy today and he was on time and great communication through WhatsApp.

OP posts:
Carpedimum · 12/09/2024 10:55

I just wanted to say that I am full of admiration for how you have handled all this @Notsurehowtoprocessthis I read all your posts with increasing shock at the behaviour of your ex-friend. Blimey, you live & learn, & some life lessons are harder than others, I hope this experience doesn’t destroy your confidence in making new friends. Very best wishes for a calm & safe journey home and I hope there’s nothing additional from the ‘friend’.

TheNuthatch · 12/09/2024 11:17

Well done op. You've done amazingly well. Safe journey home 💐

ForeverPombear · 12/09/2024 11:21

I've been following your thread the whole time, not posted anything because everyone else has already said everything needed! Good luck today OP, you and your daughter are doing amazingly!

RampantIvy · 12/09/2024 11:28

I agree that you should tell the school the bare facts in case there are any repercussions.

Snazzysausage · 12/09/2024 11:32

Good luck and a safe journey home!

republicofjam · 12/09/2024 11:38

Have been following thread without comment but just wanted to add my congratulations on your amazing resilience and strength and wish you a safe journey home.👏💪💐

Tuulippes · 12/09/2024 12:01

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 10:28

We are on the train!

I tried to attach a photo but my signal is a bit tetchy!

Yippee!!! You’ll be home soon OP

Marylou62 · 12/09/2024 12:24

I've been following too and catching up with your progress when I can..

Well done Superwoman...
Can't wait to find out you are home safe and well...
Go you!

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 13:05

We are nearly at Calais. It was a mad moment when I changed at Hazebrouck and knew I had five minutes to change onto the next train with two suitcases, two bags, a minor mouse balloon and a five year old who can't follow instructions very well....rushed around looking for the stairs under the platforms (ten platforms in total), only to catch sight of a small screen which said our next train was coming from the same platform. Was such a relief, I can tell you all. I must've looked like a mad woman running in two different directions then suddenly stopping. Also can relax now because even if I lose battery, something technical stops working etc, I can just jump on the ferry with our passports and head home. I can't see anything going wrong with the phone, but it's just that feeling of knowing I don't have to rely on it, and can relax. Technology can be harder work sometimes. I think next year I'll book all trains or Eurostar in advance and print everything out at home so I can relax more. We met a lovely LGBTQ couple on the first train from the UK, who live over here and were off to a party in Athens! The second train was a bit busy and DD was messing around a lot, so that was hard, but the rest has been really smooth. Had a bit of a stress when the vending machine at Chessy didn't work, and then the one at Lille wouldn't work either- both identical- and she almost had a meltdown but she's excited to have dinner and a treat on the ferry. Have got some croissants and fruit with us but had promised her a sweet to take the edge off all the travel and changing trains a bit. I had the runs all last night and this morning, so am delighted to announce that I'm travelling with a nappy inside in my underwear, just incase, but it seemed to clear up the moment we got on the move. I must have just been so nervous about getting to the station on time with the luggage. Sorry tmi, but it seemed important to share 🤣

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 13:13

I had a little idea about paying off all the extra expenses of the week. Instead of opening an interest free balance transfer card and affecting my credit score, I think I could just pay it off on my next pay day in a couple of weeks and then (apart from bills), live on the card for the next month and do the same with paying myself a little bit back each month until I'm back to a full month's money in my bank.i don't know how this sounds to others, but I think it would be the best way to clear any debt and then I'm not losing anything, other than my back up credit card allowance. It means I'd always be a month behind myself with income but I wouldn't be in debt.

OP posts:
kittylion2 · 12/09/2024 13:13

You are doing so well OP - can't wait to hear when you are safely home. ❤

LardoBurrows · 12/09/2024 13:26

I'm old school with tech in some ways, i.e. I always prefer to print out travel docs or anything important just in case the phone loses power or signal. It means you have a backup and it's often quicker to whip out and show the printed docs rather than faffing about with a phone, well it is for me anyway.

Glad to hear you are almost at Calais, now you can relax. I'm sure you are right about the nerves playing havoc with your digestive system, I'm sure things will calm down now. Hope you have a smooth crossing.

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