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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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8
Crumpetdisappointment · 11/09/2024 19:24

safe travels

Livingtothefull · 11/09/2024 19:25

katepilar · 11/09/2024 19:06

Sounds like your friend is also having a meltdown-like strong reaction /due to her own issues/. Hopefully she will come round with a bit of time.

One of the main good things that should come out of this experience - alongside the boost of confidence you will undoubtably have from your awareness of your own resourcefulness - is the fact that this utter cesspit of a human being is out of your life. Sorry if that sounds strong but she has abandoned you and your DC in the worst way and, rather than coming around, has redoubled on her spitefulness.

There is no coming back from this for her imo and no excuses. I think that she has no moral compass or boundaries, and that makes her downright dangerous. She needs to be out of your life and stay out.

Nousernamesavaliable · 11/09/2024 19:29

I have followed this thread since day 1. I just want to say what a remarkable mum you are! You have not only.got up and showed up everyday but you have made the best of it for your child and given her so much...you seem like a truly awesome friend 🧡 go do you and your kid!! If your ever in the bristol area feel free to contact us, my and my boy are always up for some fun and you two sound amazing! Wishing you all the best, keep that head held high x

Crikeyalmighty · 11/09/2024 19:30

@Livingtothefull totally agree- what a thoroughly shitty woman!!

EsmeSusanOgg · 11/09/2024 20:02

I have finally read your posts and the thread. OP, you are amazing. Imma in awe at your residence when faced with such unpleasantness.

pizzaHeart · 11/09/2024 20:02

glad that keys are recovered.
Safe travels!

Branleuse · 11/09/2024 20:06

What an ordeal. I hope you take some self confidence from this. You are a strong woman

MrsOvertonsWindow · 11/09/2024 20:08

What a great thread and what a lovely parent you sound to be OP. Along with everyone else, wishing you safe travels. You should be very proud of how you've turned a difficult situation into such an affirming experience for your daughter - and you. Flowers

BobandRobertaSmith · 11/09/2024 20:11

So glad alls well that ends well! Sounds like your DD had an amazing time. I wouldn’t worry too much about your friend’s sister… she probably knows what her sister is like. I’d love to know which Eurocamp it is. It sounds great!

Myusernamemustbeatleastthreecharacters · 11/09/2024 21:05

Safe journey home tomorrow plenty of rest when you get home and avoid the drama llama.
I

Knittedfairies2 · 11/09/2024 21:28

Safe home OP

NippyCrab · 11/09/2024 21:40

Been following, safe journey home and look after yourself, hopefully a good sleep will give you the energy for this last leg of your holiday. A few days of rest when you get home will be on the cards. I hope your horrible "friend" stays away and you never hear from her or about her again. X

Nothanks17 · 11/09/2024 22:07

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 10/09/2024 17:50

Urgh she's purposefully posted my keys through my door to stop me getting in. She's said she's filmed it with witness to stop me telling the police, so sounds like she's already making up stories about me.

What a bitch!!! Hate it when people can cover something up as doing the right thing when its to be as difficult as possible or to get at you.

FlipFlopVibe · 11/09/2024 22:27

Gosh you’re so resilient, as someone who also has Joint Hypermobility, POTS, Fibro and brain fog, I salute you!

Talkingfrog · 11/09/2024 22:38

Just caught up with all the updates. I think you have done amazingly well with everything that has been thrown at you.

Glad to hear you have your transport sorted for tomorrow, and your keys have been retrieved and are safely with a neighbour.

Hope you both managed to forget the worries and have a magical time at disney - look forward to the updates.

Wishing you both a safe journey back tomorrow.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 11/09/2024 22:38

I have just taken the time to read your thread and want to add to all the other positive comments. You sound amazing and have coped with a horrendous situation much better than I would. You were taken in by a narcissist, which is not your fault, they are very clever people. I'm glad you have come through victorious and not just crumpled, or bitten back, both of which she would have loved. My son (28) has PDA autism. You have a long road ahead of you but I'm sure you will deal with it with strength and courage. Bless you.

Lillush · 11/09/2024 23:08

Surely someone on here can pull strings at Disney??? Or call them and try to explain see if they can help? Yes book the foot passenger tickets and try to have a fantastic rest of your break! I think your friend's behaviour is appalling.

murasaki · 11/09/2024 23:10

She's already been to Disney and sorted the journey home.

Ohnobackagain · 11/09/2024 23:35

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis you have done really well with all this. I’m glad you’re ok. I don’t want to seem negative, but just to let you know you can’t start a new policy from after you left the uk. You have to extend the original, or buy new cover backdated to start from the day you originally travelled, to your new return date. Tricky small print!

Scentedjasmin · 11/09/2024 23:45

I can't believe that you have been through all of this. I also don't think that you have anything to worry about re her spinning an alternative tale. She could make you out to be unreasonable, or difficult or say that you argued etc, but ultimately she simply cannot explain leaving you behind in France, with a car seat, no suitcase and an autistic child. Neither can she explain spitefully posting your keys through her letter box. You have the texts to prove it. And what she has done is completely and totally unforgivable. She simply cannot justify her behaviour.
You have been enormously gracious and people will see that too.

LBFseBrom · 12/09/2024 00:55

I agree with all that has been said above. You are amazing. I would have freaked out in the same circumstances.

The friend has behaved in an appalling fashion, abandoning you abroad over such a silly thing as a child's tantrum, which she couldn't help anyway. There is no excuse for her and she has set her child a very poor example.

Let us know when you are safe at home.

AnnieMcFanny · 12/09/2024 05:58

What an experience and I’m so glad you must either be home now or very close to home. My son is now a young man of 33 and is severely autistic with multiple dx and over time you will get used to going into crisis mode even though you’d done everything needed to avoid a crisis, or a spanner in the works, that could distress your DD.

A very wise poster just a bit further up the page said the following that I’ve highlighted below and I want to say please take heart from it. It is without doubt it’s one of the most beautiful and comforting things I’ve ever read on a thread concerning our beloved children.

You have a long road ahead of you but I'm sure you will deal with it with strength and courage. Bless you

Threewheeler1 · 12/09/2024 06:57

Fannyfiggs · 11/09/2024 16:48

You are bloody amazing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis. The resilience and organisational skills you have are second to none 🥇 What a woman and what a fabulous mum you are ❤️

I'll second this!
OP, it's been incredible following your progress on this thread. Last leg now, hoping you & DD get home safely and never have to deal with that woman again!
You're going to have an incredible holiday next year and it'll feel like a breeze compared to this😁
To all the lovely PP's helping, this is the best of MN right here 🙌x

ns87 · 12/09/2024 08:26

You will be home soon OP, and can take a well earned rest x

SquatWeightaMinute · 12/09/2024 08:37

Safe travels OP, your daughter is lucky to have you.

When you get back make sure you tell everyone what an amazing time you had, barley even mention the friend and don’t let on that it was difficult.

Your “friend” will take great delight from knowing you struggled so only say positive things to anyone that might get back to her. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

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