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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Ireolu · 11/09/2024 16:09

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 17:28

İ will come back on later and tell the story of how this happened in a much easier way than I imagined it could, but just wanted to show you all!

I'm knackered 🤣 got loads to tell you all though. I feel like you're all my new best friends.

I actually teared up at a picture of two suitcases. Well done OP. You have done brilliantly and proved more resourceful than you thought you were even when you started this thread Xx

ginsterloo · 11/09/2024 16:10

Tomorrow,, Marne-Le Vallee Chessy to Calais would be 77.90 euros for you and your child if you go at 10.21 arriving in Calais at 1.29 or departing at 11.11 and arriving at 2.13 it's 61 euros, quick taxi to the ferry and then you are in Dover! Hope that helps

ginsterloo · 11/09/2024 16:12

Forgot to add Calais Ville is a 6 min bus ride or a 15 min walk from the ferryport

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 16:14

Thank you! I'm going to book the 11.11 one. I'll have a while at Calais as the crossing is 7pm but hoping can go to sleep in a couple of hours and get a good rest. I'm exhausted today.

OP posts:
ginsterloo · 11/09/2024 16:32

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 16:14

Thank you! I'm going to book the 11.11 one. I'll have a while at Calais as the crossing is 7pm but hoping can go to sleep in a couple of hours and get a good rest. I'm exhausted today.

Www.sncf-connect.com it's easy enough to navigate that site, any problems then dm me

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 16:41

Thank you! Trains booked, ferry booked, taxi booked.

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 11/09/2024 16:48

You are bloody amazing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis. The resilience and organisational skills you have are second to none 🥇 What a woman and what a fabulous mum you are ❤️

CoffeeLover90 · 11/09/2024 17:10

I've been following and I think you're amazing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis
I would have panicked, cried and ruined the holiday I think.
You deserve a long hot bath and an early night after all of this.
I'm petty as well so I'd be telling anyone who listened about shitty ex friend and her leaving her knickers for you to pick. Something you probably should have kept to post in her letterbox.

Tiredmomma86 · 11/09/2024 17:28

I have been following your thread with interest-can I just mirror what previous posters have already said: the way you have dealt with all of this is admirable and you are clearly an amazing mother as well. I hope your travels back are safe and uneventful.
As for so called ‘friend’-what an evil, nasty individual. Even if I fell out with a friend mid-holiday there would be no way I’d leave that friend stranded in the middle of a foreign country, much less with a small child. Hopefully karma catches up-remember even if she is fabricating tales, it may take a while but the truth does always catch up.
💕

OhcantthInkofaname · 11/09/2024 18:03

This reply has been deleted

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ABrokenFrame · 11/09/2024 18:12

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Wtaf?

wait68 · 11/09/2024 18:13

@OhcantthInkofaname
Are you the ex-friend?
Coming in this late into the thread to drum up some sympathy?

Rubberducksallround · 11/09/2024 18:15

It's not uncommon for them to let you on an earlier ferry, this has happened to me a few times when I've arrived earlier and they've just put me on the next ferry, so you might not have such a long wait at Calais.
You'll be home soon ❤️
You've got through something so difficult and challenging, keep this memory with you like a pebble, and when things are tough and you think you can't do it, take the memory out and hold it, remember who you are and what you have achieved. Xxx

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 11/09/2024 18:17

This reply has been deleted

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Ok I’ve been following and not posting to avoid filling up the thread. But this take - nope, either you’ve not read anywhere near through the thread or you’re as vile as the ‘friend’.

BlankTimes · 11/09/2024 18:17

wait68 · 11/09/2024 18:13

@OhcantthInkofaname
Are you the ex-friend?
Coming in this late into the thread to drum up some sympathy?

Sounds like it could possibly be.

Anyone with a modicum of intelligence should be able to tell the difference between an autistic meltdown and a tantrum.

Particularly when it has been explained to them multiple times yet all they can do is inflame the situation.

BrieHugger · 11/09/2024 18:21

Ignore. I’d much rather hear about the many positives from this story!

Bippertyboo2 · 11/09/2024 18:26

What an amazing, resilient and resourceful woman you are, you're an inspiration and you should be so proud of yourself.

tommyhoundmum · 11/09/2024 18:33

All good wishes to you and your daughter. I am sorry your friend is being so unkind.

EmeraldDreams73 · 11/09/2024 18:55

Just read this thread. Like pp I am in awe of your resilience and strength, OP! What an absolute piece of work that so-called friend is. I wish you and your dd all the best and just wanted to say a massive well done to you for how you handled this situation that she put you in. I too would tell anyone who would listen what she did. X

Ewock · 11/09/2024 19:02

Op you are amazing. A wonderful mum and in the face of adversity you've gone above and beyond. I don't know if I'd have coped anywhere near as well

EsmeSusanOgg · 11/09/2024 19:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

katepilar · 11/09/2024 19:06

Sounds like your friend is also having a meltdown-like strong reaction /due to her own issues/. Hopefully she will come round with a bit of time.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 11/09/2024 19:10

Why would anyone wait around for someone so ridiculous to come round? Have you read the whole thread?

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 19:10

Thank you, I really needed those positive words right now. DD has found today difficult with no entertainment and I've had crazy mum guilt. I shouldn't have mum guilt for a boring day to rest after Disneyland, but I do! We went for a couple of walks but we are just in some suburbs of Paris now so just the local Spar and a kebab shop to walk to.

I've just realised my insurance had run out, so I bought some more. Been feeling really poorly today and hoping it's just something I can sleep off. Whatever happens though, I'm all packed and ready my for taxi in the morning. I'm going to go to bed now and try and get the sleep I need to do all the changes on the trains and ferry. I've heard it's cold back home and I'm thinking it'll be cold at Calais. We've got hoodies and leggings but I guess we can use our blankets and find somewhere warm to sit inside. They won't let me on an earlier ferry as there's only three foot passenger ferries per day. Which is so frustrating. But I guess there's an unknown reason for it. Maybe some boats don't have the foot passenger lifts or something.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 19:11

Oh btw the keys are with my neighbour who will be up when we get back!

OP posts: