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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
LIZS · 11/09/2024 10:17

Did someone previously suggest you changed at Lille?

AuxArmesCitoyens · 11/09/2024 10:28

Yes, days and days ago. OP said it was too expensive.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 10:28

sandyhappypeople · 11/09/2024 10:16

You're going to be paying through the nose for Eurostar now OP, you needed to have booked it days ago, anything less than two days is really inflated in price.

Cheapest tomorrow seems to be £378, if you can come back Friday it's cheaper, and if you can get back to Gare Du Nord by bus, it may be cheaper still on Friday. But if you need to travel tomorrow it will be expensive (the difference between travelling from Chessy vs Gare du Nord tomorrow is only £7 so you may as well travel from where you are tomorrow if that is your only option).

Yeah my plan is to get a train to Lille, then Calais, then Ferry. İt's about 100- 150 altogether and the same number if hours travel as if I flew and trains from airport. İt's only if the pp could help me with a discount that I'd do Eurostar instead.

I've had a lot of shoulda woulda couldas this week, but it's been so hard to navigate it all and figure it out with my dd's illness and now me being wiped out.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 10:32

İ think the most positive thing to come from this is all the people who have messaged me asking about the campsite. I love the idea of a whole bunch of mumsnetters all being there at the same time next summer!

OP posts:
alrightluv · 11/09/2024 10:34

Really hoping it all turns out OK for you. And thank you for continuing to update. We're so invested in your wellbeing.

tamade · 11/09/2024 10:53

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis
I’m so impressed by you OP, your dd is so lucky.

You are probably running on adrenaline and stress right now, be prepared for it to hit you like a train when you get home and your body decides that you’re safe. Be kind to yourself then.

murasaki · 11/09/2024 10:56

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 10:32

İ think the most positive thing to come from this is all the people who have messaged me asking about the campsite. I love the idea of a whole bunch of mumsnetters all being there at the same time next summer!

I'd say the most positive thing is the way you've handled it and adapted your plans while still having a good holiday.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 11/09/2024 10:56

I’m gobsmacked at how you’ve managed. If you can do this you can do anything.

Keys —- get a Keysafe put outside your house and have a combination your “friend” can never guess. Keep a spare key in it in case you get locked out.

Coffeeandbannans · 11/09/2024 11:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/09/2024 11:13

Do Mumsnetters realise that when a post is edited, the original can often still be read if one clicks on the word ' edited ' ...

PfishFood · 11/09/2024 11:39

I wonder if it might be worth contacting a glazier @Notsurehowtoprocessthis and ask about a window. It might be cheaper to fix a window, rather than paying a locksmith to get in.

Alternatively, does your home insurance have any sort of lost key cover that might cover the cost of a locksmith?

StaunchMomma · 11/09/2024 11:39

I think you might have to go on the offensive a bit when you get back, if only in the sense of making sure the facts are out there.

At the end of the day, she made an autistic child's meltdown about herself and then dumped you both off in another country. You'd have to be an arsehole of momentous proportion to thin that is in any way OK.

I wouldn't ever interact with that woman again but don't sit back and cover for her while she's slating you all over the place. The truth is the truth.

AlleycatMarie · 11/09/2024 12:03

Hi @Notsurehowtoprocessthis just wanted to echo what many have said about how well you have handled all of this. I think your ex-friend is really hoping for some drama so she can play the victim, but you are not rising to it, well done! I’m so glad you made it to Disney but sorry she ruined part of it with the key drama. I bet your DD loved it though! Please continue to update us on how you are doing. X

whynotwhatknot · 11/09/2024 13:11

Glad you made it to disney did dd enjoy it

BrieHugger · 11/09/2024 13:20

Aww just seen you made it to Disney so I take it ex-friend hadn’t used the tickets. I wonder if she even went. She really pulled a number on you with the car seat but that got sorted too. Hope she coughs up some money for the accommodation so you can offset some of your extra costs, the cheeky cow.

Keep going, you’ll be back in your house before you know it!

redandyellowbits · 11/09/2024 13:29

Did your friend use up the free Disney tickets or where you able to use them?

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 13:55

Well I have the best locksmith. He's said he's away from tomorrow but he'll go over to mine today and get the keys out for me without going in. He's said he will leave them with my neighbour for me and that it will only cost me £20. İt's also great for my DD as well as she won't see anything out of the ordinary in trying to get into the house when we get back.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 14:02

Sorry I haven't answered about Disney yet...I wanted to do a proper post and share how the whole day and tickets went and how we got there etc. I'll do it when I'm out of my exhausted mode?

OP posts:
murasaki · 11/09/2024 14:04

Good news re the locksmith! Agree that a normal.arrival home will be best for Dd, and you (even if you know whats happened).

LardoBurrows · 11/09/2024 14:57

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 13:55

Well I have the best locksmith. He's said he's away from tomorrow but he'll go over to mine today and get the keys out for me without going in. He's said he will leave them with my neighbour for me and that it will only cost me £20. İt's also great for my DD as well as she won't see anything out of the ordinary in trying to get into the house when we get back.

Oh that's fantastic news. What a relief and well done for solving yet another problem caused by your rancid ex friend. Another ✅ on the Done list. Go You.

alrightluv · 11/09/2024 15:00

Fantastic news

MonsteraMama · 11/09/2024 15:15

Your resilience is amazing OP. Great news about the keys, what a good egg your locksmith is! Wishing you a safe and uneventful journey home 💐

NOTSUREWHATIMDOINHERE · 11/09/2024 15:27

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 22:21

Thanks everyone. I've got the feeling she's already booked elsewhere from the way she's worded it. She's said she's going to spend the rest of the week at Disney hotel instead as it's not working out, so sounds like she's booked it and told her DD. İ thought it would just blow over after she stormed off in a huff and that we could sort it out in the morning, but I got into bed and got that text. İn that moment I really needed so much empathy. I'd had such a beautiful day and my DD was meltdowning for over an hour in my arms and I was sat alone just trying to calm her and was getting daggers the whole time from my friend for it.

you don't need friends like that, your poor daughter, and you. Friend is being awful. I have Autistic kids and have no idea if your daughter is but I understand panic meltdowns.

NOTSUREWHATIMDOINHERE · 11/09/2024 15:32

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 10:04

No she doesn't believe in school much.

@Trobealone I understand that can be a necessity for some children. They spent months last term preparing the children for going into year one and have done quite a few days going into that classroom in July. So much so that DD was dreading it. She struggles with school so I'll probably be pushing for a part time schedule when we get back. She also did four weeks of holiday club, three days a week, and I feel the break from the pressure has done her good. She has some PDA and ADHD symptoms so the lack of free flow play is difficult for her at school.

yes, my eldest is PDA. You are well rid of that "friend"

RedToothBrush · 11/09/2024 15:39

If she has form for being vindictive and did that to her ex, I would worry if she's been in your house and done something vindictive too.

That would explain why she didn't just give keys to the neighbours too.