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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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8
afrikat · 10/09/2024 20:49

Oh god she really is an absolute arsehole. Really hope you get it sorted OP

Nottodaythankyou123 · 10/09/2024 21:08

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 10/09/2024 20:47

What an idiot, how does she expect you to get in now?

Run away from this narcissistic woman and put it down to experience.

You are handling it really well

Fair to assume I think that she knew exactly what she was doing!

Talkingfrog · 10/09/2024 21:34

Sorry to hear your latest update.

I think ex friend has read the thread, doesn't like the fact that you had support from people, and enjoyed your holiday when she left.

I think she knew exactly what she was doing posting them through the letterbox. The fact you managed to enjoy the end of your holiday, without begging ger for help eith getting home meant she wasn't in control. Posting the keys through the letterbox was one last attempt at controlling the situation.

Also if asked she can tell people she dropped them off for you on Monday as she said she would. It is the truth, just an economical version of the truth.

Hope you had/have a safe journey home, and that someone can retrieve your keys for you. Do you know anyone that does magnet fishing? Or someone that works as a mechanic/for a breakdown company - they may know ways of hooking up keys even if not in a car.

MSLRT · 10/09/2024 22:06

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 10/09/2024 17:50

Urgh she's purposefully posted my keys through my door to stop me getting in. She's said she's filmed it with witness to stop me telling the police, so sounds like she's already making up stories about me.

What a bloody stupid cow

Tiredofallthis101 · 10/09/2024 22:17

Nasty witch. Dog poo through her letterbox it is then 😂

No, seriously, your dignified and calm approach will piss her off way more than stooping to her level.

Lammveg · 10/09/2024 22:20

Just came back to the thread today to see how you'd got on. What the actual fuck is wrong with this woman?!

Don't let this ruin all of the hard work you've done on this holiday with all the difficulties you've faced. I echo other posters - what an amazing woman and mother you are!

BMW6 · 10/09/2024 22:23

I sincerely hope all her future turds feel like pine cones on the way out

Pointy end first.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 10/09/2024 22:41

Thanks everyone. My neighbour is great and is going to try and fish them out for me tomorrow. He said it's pouring down tonight!

She's definitely done it on purpose as she's done it straight after we spoke and she confirmed yes she would give them to a specific named neighbour. She says she's done it on Sunday, so she's done it straight after we spoke. I know what she's like as well and it's the sort of pettiness she would play. When she broke up with her supposedly abusive ex, she hacked his email and wrote a termination letter to his landlord from his own email address.

I was tempted to tell her about herself when she said that about posting them through my letterbox, but I was trying to enjoy with DD. I went through a whole load of things I could do to pay he back- I have a date and time of when she shoplifted, i know she collects stuff for a foodbank and nicks the best stuff for herself, I know she isn't as socially anxious as she pretends to be to claim disabilities, and I know she had an alcoholic boyfriend around her child a lot. But I just don't care enough any more. She's shocked me, as part of me was thinking maybe she's just tired and made a mistake with over reacting, but today she's shown how nasty she actually is.

OP posts:
Alittlebitwary · 10/09/2024 22:41

What a horrible woman. Op I hope you are ok and managed to get in. I hope she gets her comeuppance, what she has done is absolutely abhorrent. I would honestly sell your story and out her to the world. I just can't get over the spite and just awful injustice of your situation. You're handling it amazingly but you bloody well deserve a medal and another holiday now. Xxx

Mikunia · 10/09/2024 22:48

I wouldn't even reply, hard as that is. She's awful. I tend to hold a grudge so I'd definitely report her for a few things, but have it six months so she can't necessarily connect it to you. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

MSLRT · 10/09/2024 22:49

I would print off this thread and send it to her.

louisianachild · 10/09/2024 23:09

I wouldn’t even respond, or just say, ‘great thanks’. She sounds like the sort of person who will thrive off a reaction so don’t give her one - that will wind her up in itself!

DefyingGravitas · 10/09/2024 23:21

louisianachild · 10/09/2024 23:09

I wouldn’t even respond, or just say, ‘great thanks’. She sounds like the sort of person who will thrive off a reaction so don’t give her one - that will wind her up in itself!

Yes probably but ‘sorry I couldn’t fit your dirty knickers in my new luggage so I left them at reception for you.’ is tempting 😆

pikkumyy77 · 10/09/2024 23:59

Look: now you know. She was a shitty human being when she was your friend and now that she has no use for you she is just as awful to you as she was to everyone else who ever trusted her. Stay far, far, away from her. She has more spite and vengeance in her little finger than you have available to you no matter how you try.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 00:11

pikkumyy77 · 10/09/2024 23:59

Look: now you know. She was a shitty human being when she was your friend and now that she has no use for you she is just as awful to you as she was to everyone else who ever trusted her. Stay far, far, away from her. She has more spite and vengeance in her little finger than you have available to you no matter how you try.

You're right. I got on really well with her sister so I'm guessing she's told lies about me and ruined that connection now. I think that's the only thing I'm sad about really.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 00:15

I can't sleep, I've just been reading up about narcissists. It seems to me her anger turned towards me once I started getting more and more confident over the last few weeks and self assured. Been going through some amazing online therapy and it had been making a huge difference. I've been nothing but myself with her but seems she didn't like that. I think I'm grieving the friend I thought I had.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 11/09/2024 00:38

I think after your last post about this woman, you should start reading about psychopaths.

It's no surprise you feel you've been run over by a tank. This is the effect raging narcissists/ sociopaths/ psychopaths have on those they choose to devalue.

My guess is she threw the keys as far into your house as she could, so you wouldn't be able to jimmy a retrieval tool.

I'd just call a locksmith and try your utmost to put this behind you.

Make a promise to yourself to never have any contact with this dangerous woman again.

TealPoet · 11/09/2024 00:39

I’m sure you’re right! Let yourself grieve that loss but just know too what it shows - how far you’ve come and how strong you are. She was always fake it seems, but your progress is real and beautiful. Don’t bother any more with her, you have a far better life to lead <3

pikkumyy77 · 11/09/2024 01:09

Agree with @mathanxiety . You are describing a pretty sociopathic person. Be very glad she dumped you. She is out to wreck anyone she can not control/use/dominate

MelainesLaugh · 11/09/2024 02:13

She’s unbelievable. When you’re home and safe make sure you block her.

veggie50 · 11/09/2024 03:03

This thread is epic. She sounds like one of those mythological monster created solely to test the resolve of heroes.

Trobealone · 11/09/2024 03:14

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis

Just wondering : why isn’t your DD in school yet?

PloddingDaily · 11/09/2024 04:06

Please, whatever else you do, get your locks changed, all of them, asap. She sounds vicious and totally unscrupulous.

mathanxiety · 11/09/2024 04:18

Agree - you need to change your locks.

Bigoldmoneypit · 11/09/2024 05:43

I work for the railways and get discounts on Eurostar as well as uk trains (not sure where you live obviously!)

if I can help at all please let me know