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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
LittleBear21 · 10/09/2024 17:55

Oh OP! I'm so sorry she has done that. When do you get home?

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 17:56

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 10/09/2024 17:50

Urgh she's purposefully posted my keys through my door to stop me getting in. She's said she's filmed it with witness to stop me telling the police, so sounds like she's already making up stories about me.

Where are you now? How do you know what she's done/said she's done?

Tahlbias · 10/09/2024 17:58

Just let it rise above you. You know the truth and don't open a narrative with her. She ignore her from now on.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:03

Are you home now ?

Did you tell her you had extended your holiday and wouldn't be home until Tuesday or even later

( as at one point you were considering extending it even more ? )

as ' She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday ' she has done exactly as she said she would.

did she still think you were coming home on Sunday ? and therefore would be home to receive the keys on Monday

LardoBurrows · 10/09/2024 18:05

Wow, she is one deranged and spiteful cow. Do any friends have a copy of your keys? Any windows that could be forced? I'm so sorry you are having to endure this.

meercat23 · 10/09/2024 18:06

That is a spiteful thing to do. She knows you don't have keys to get in with.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 18:08

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:03

Are you home now ?

Did you tell her you had extended your holiday and wouldn't be home until Tuesday or even later

( as at one point you were considering extending it even more ? )

as ' She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday ' she has done exactly as she said she would.

did she still think you were coming home on Sunday ? and therefore would be home to receive the keys on Monday

But OP said: I gave her the option to drop at my neighbours or arrange with someone we both know to get them from her and contact me. She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday and she'd been busy.

So friend hasn't done what OP asked her to. She has, however, done exactly what my DH said she would, when I mentioned this thread to him.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 18:12

Does anyone have any advice for OP? I think I'd contact the police for advice again as either friend is lying, in which case the keys can be reported as stolen, or friend is telling the truth & both sets of keys are inside OP's house & the police may be able to advise on how to get in - or even send someone round to help (woman on her own, vulnerable child, etc).

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:13

I know what the options were, you know what the options were, she knows what the options were but
she did exactly what she replied to you - if that is what she said in her message ' she would drop them off on Monday '

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:14

hence my asking if she knew when you were returning home

cjcghana · 10/09/2024 18:19

What an evil bitch

TuVuoiFaLamericano · 10/09/2024 18:26

She's a nasty piece of work.

Ardrahan · 10/09/2024 18:28

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:13

I know what the options were, you know what the options were, she knows what the options were but
she did exactly what she replied to you - if that is what she said in her message ' she would drop them off on Monday '

I think this is fair. It may not have been a specific act of malice if she thought the OP was already home and inside her house. (And in fairness, unless she specifically knew the OP had locked her house with her only spare keys and dropped them through the letterbox so they are also inaccessible, she could well assume the OP had left keys with other people.

Billybagpuss · 10/09/2024 19:00

I think I would be inclined to message back, ‘thanks for that, now both of my sets of keys are in the house and I can’t get in’ and leave it at that.

Also call a local locksmith to meet you when you’re due back if you know in advance it shouldn’t cost too much.

DefyingGravitas · 10/09/2024 19:16

‘Disappointing but not unexpected. I’m surprised you’d want any evidence of your behaviour at this point.’

And then block her I guess.

Dahliasarebeautiful · 10/09/2024 19:16

I've been following your journey and you've done such a good job holding it together for your DD and making this the best holiday for her ever.

This woman is an absolute disgrace. What a piece of shit. She's obviously done it on purpose out of spite. If you're asking for your house keys you left at hers, on purpose, so you didn't lose them then of course you don't have spares on you to get in! That's obviously why you asked to have them dropped with someone and not through your door FGS!

If she has been controlling the narrative at home and people choose to believe her over you then more fool them. No-one in their right mind could condone abandoning a supposed friend in a foreign country with their 5 year old SEN child. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, you seem like a very lovely lady.

Is there anyone that can arrange a locksmith for you, for when you get back?

PaperDreamsHoney · 10/09/2024 19:30

Surely if she's deliberately put the keys where you can't get them then she hasn't returned them as asked? So she's filmed herself locking you out of your house? I'd be inclined to ask her for the video then speak to the police again.

pikkumyy77 · 10/09/2024 19:35

What s terrible person.

Goldbar · 10/09/2024 19:52

Depending on your letter box, a wire coat hanger cut on one side and then bent into a hook shape might do the trick.

I vaguely remember having to carry out a similar retrieval operation for a friend many years ago.

TealPoet · 10/09/2024 19:53

Oh how horrible of her! I’m so so sorry. Can you find a way to get in and then never give her another moment of your thoughts or energy! At least having shown her true colours so clearly you know that this is entirely a ‘her’ problem and you and your DD have nothing to feel bad about. Big hugs!

Goldbar · 10/09/2024 20:02

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 18:12

Does anyone have any advice for OP? I think I'd contact the police for advice again as either friend is lying, in which case the keys can be reported as stolen, or friend is telling the truth & both sets of keys are inside OP's house & the police may be able to advise on how to get in - or even send someone round to help (woman on her own, vulnerable child, etc).

I'd have a go at retrieving the keys first and then bite the bullet and pay for an emergency locksmith. I believe that burglars favour retractable fishing-poles, but that does of course require a straight line from the letter slot to the keys, hence some kind of L-shaped implement might work better.

DesparatePragmatist · 10/09/2024 20:05

I've been following your story OP and so impressed by the way you're rising above the drama and making the best of the situation.

Sorry about the latest practical challenge. Various friends who have locked themselves out recently have found the natter quickly resolved by calling a locksmith, suggest you cut straight go the chase and do that.

No help for this instance, but as a single parent it might also be worth stashing keys with trustworthy friends or neighbours, or in a key safe so you can't be locked out again. I have both, and have had to use them several times!

Best of luck with your journey home

sandyhappypeople · 10/09/2024 20:10

Buy a magnet and string on your way home OP and try that first, or see if your neighbours have got a metal coat hanger you can unwind and form a hook on the end.

You've got this far without her help, you'll be able to sort this one as well.

Greentreesandbushes · 10/09/2024 20:37

If magnet and string doesn’t work try your home insurance. They normally have a replacement lock cover for losing keys.

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 10/09/2024 20:47

What an idiot, how does she expect you to get in now?

Run away from this narcissistic woman and put it down to experience.

You are handling it really well

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