Walking to school alone - advice please

[chickensarnie]

DD is 9 (early may baby)

DS is 15 and usually takes her to school but lately has been making my life a misery because he doesn't want to. Even though it's the same road as his own school!

I can’t change my work hours, I commute so I leave at 740. I don't have any family or friends who can help.

AIBU to let DD walk alone? She's not allowed a phone at school which is my only worry, how would I know she got there?

It's 2 streets away, no main roads. Takes less than 5 mins to get to school. Theres a pelican crossing to cross the road, which she knows how to use. It's not a main road but it can get busy.

I think it's fine but I'm worried school will say it's not.

It's a village not a city if that makes a difference.

My only worry is how would I know she got there safe?

It's really not appalling. This country is ridiculous in terms of helicopter parents mollycoddling their children and stifling their autonomy.

I would leave a 9 year old at home for a short period whilst I nipped out during the day. Not late in the evening or for a prolonged period but a short period absolutely yes. It's part of normal childhood development of independence. And no social services won't do anything despite suggestions here, because it's not neglect if it's managed, the child is responsible enough and fine with the arrangement. It's about risk management - if you have considered the risks and the child has a plan if there is an issue then it's fine.

I think it's bonkers that people think this is a problem tbh.

Our school allows 7 year olds to leave the premises alone to meet a parent parked up around the corner about 400m away on a daily basis with parental permission. There's been three or four in DSs class since Yr2. The teacher has no way of knowing the parent is actually there (I've seen kids hanging about waiting for a late parent before)

So frankly I don't know what the fuck you are on about. Clearly it's legally allowed and social services haven't had a shit fit about it either.

We are mainland Europe. Most children walk or take the bus alone as soon as they start school at 6 years. I would say 90% do.
Ds might, but I will have to drive him to and from bus stop as we don’t live close to the bus route. In fact school encourages it

Secondary school starts at 10, and everyone definitely takes the bus to the next large town alone then (it’s about 20mins drive)

So I wouldn’t have a problem with a 9 year old walking 5 mins

School policies don’t supersede parental choice.

Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes. It's 2 streets away! (5 mins). I'd be fine with that. My dd started walking to school at 9 with a friend, it's about an 8 minute walk. She is 10 and goes alone now(friend moved up to high school). If it was a long way that'd be different but 2 streets away is fine at that age.

Mumsnet is particularly ridiculous when it comes to children's independence and risk taking.

Things that are completely normal in western Europe are deemed child abuse by far too many posters and we wonder why we have so many issues with kids having a lack of resilience and independence life skills when they hit their late teens.

This country is far too overprotective and does not allow children to develop viral skills because parents have lost their minds and don't know how to risk management.

It's fine at 9 as long as she is happy with it, I'd be telling the 15 year old ge has to wait until she leaves and lock up though

I'd think it was fine but as ds is going there anyway it seems a bit silly. Are they just going to end up walking 6ft away from each other? I'm assuming he still has to wait until she leaves?
It also doesn't do teens any favours to let them opt out of family duties and chores so unless there's a good reason and he's otherwise engaged with other family stuff, I'd expect him to carry on.

If she’s confident with the journey it sounds fine to me. For a century kids have walked to school without adults or phones. It’s not really that hard. It’s still the done thing at that age in some countries. It’s good for kids to develop independence and these sorts of short, purposeful journeys really help with that.

My kids’ school have a policy of calling parents if kids aren’t in for registration and parents haven’t already contacted them to say they’d be out. Does yours do that? Alternatively I suppose you could put an AirTag or Tile in her bag if you really think it’s a risk that she just wouldn’t go (though, if that’s a risk, it might be better to insist her brother continues to take her).

Why?

A five minute walk in a village? I definitely would. Surely there will be lots of people walking to the school at the same time.

Kids are less at risk than they were in the 80s. Crime, including sexual assault of children, has gone down significantly since then.

And while an older child might be more able to defend themselves, the kids who are most at risk of sexual assault are 15 - 18 yr old girls, not 9 year olds. Children are also more likely to be raped at school than on the way there or back.

Not mocking you, I know anxiety is high on MN. I mainly blame media for being utterly irresponsible in the way they portray sexual violence. But it is not generally reasonable to stop a child from walking somewhere because of the risk of sexual assault.

It must be crippling to live your life worried about things that have a very small possibility of happening.

No Can she walk behind him ? Or could you pay him to do it

My son has just started year 4 (he's 9) and he's walking to and from school this year. I think it's fine OP and she doesn't need a phone.

The most important question is: How does your Dd feel about this ? If she's happy to walk alone I would let her since it's not far to school. If she's anxious I would force the 15-year old to continue. Pay him for performing the task If you need to even though it's disappointing that he's not willing to help out...

Let her walk.

Enrol DS as a spy for a couple of weeks so he locks up and they leave at the same time and DS keeps an eye out for her and sends you a text to say she has arrived.

Fucking hell. This venom is far scarier than a 9 year old walking home alone!

We’ve been having this convo just yesterday evening as DS (late may born, year 5) is desperate to walk home alone and it’s the first thing he said to me when I picked him up! We were looking at smart watches but not sure what good that would do as if he’s snatched they’ll dump it and if he’s run over I’ll be walking home with his bro a bit behind so will come across him. (I realise OP doesn’t have that but I guess brother will be nearby. Not his responsibility though I suppose). Also a phone will probably distract him from road safety knowing him!

Problem is if he randomly decides to go to the park etc and doesn’t show up at home, so the gauge for me is if he is trustworthy enough to walk straight home and then ask to meet up with friends. Luckily none of his friends live up this way so minimal temptation.

Our school send out a permission form for year 5 & 6 to walk home alone, so it’s clearly common. They say ‘you’ll want to keep track of them so they’ll have a phone or smart watch’…they get collected and handed back at the end of the day. DS doesn’t have a phone or smart watch - I think phones are a slippery slope and probably more dangerous than walking home alone! - but I might put an AirTag in his bag. I think walking to school and the corner shop (started that this summer) is enough independence for now.

I'm curious, for the people wouldn't allow this would you allow it in year 6?

What about year 7? Will They walk/take a bus to school or will you drive/walk them?

I gradually let DD walk to school at 9 (dropped her further from the gate each week), not to be a cool mum or because it saved me time but because I wanted her to gradually gain some independence rather going from me dropping her at the gate at primary school to having to get the bus to a secondary school in another town! That felt like too much of a jump in one go!

Shes year 6 now and I plan to start gradually leaving her alone at home for short periods (e.g. when I go to the shop a few minutes away, then maybe when I go for a 30 minute run etc) is this not normal?

I'm so glad the other scottish parents joined in because I immediately thought of course it is OK but then couldn't believe everyone disagreed!

I've been put in a position by my council where my 2 DC are in different school/nursery at opposite sides of the city and need to be in and out at thr same time. Eldest DS is 7 and now walks 1 street away to and from school to his Grandparents and sits in thr garden until I get there. He has a watch that I can track him and he can call me and his grandparent on and I can remotely switch off from 9-3.

Have I understood correctly that it is every morning your son takes her (including some time alone in house with her before they leave) and also every afternoon he looks after her after school (presumably does he pick her up too?). To be honest I'm not sure why some posters are some negative about him? That's quite a big responsibility, especially as it sounds like he cuts it pretty fine to get to school and presumably has to leave straight away too, so probably misses time with friends / doesn't have the option to do after school activities etc? I've worked with teenagers who say they can't do things because they have to look after siblings regularly (even down to choice of college course in one case) and it makes me sad for them.

Apologies if I've misunderstood and you are only occasionally asking, as I agree teenagers should contribute to the household, but I don't think they should be responsible daily. If you said your parents / siblings / friend should do both before and after school every day or even most days, you would be told you were unreasonable and to use breakfast club / after-school clubs. And as for the dangers people think your son should be so guilty about.. these could happen at any age so we'd never let our child do anything if we thought to much about that, even when they were an adult.

In terms of whether it's safe, I have a child the exact same age and therefore school have now said they can walk unaccompanied. We are debating whether to let them or not - I think it depends on the child. My daughter j absolutely would have at 9. My son is a bit more in a world of his own (so might get distracted by a friend and forget safety), and also less likely to tell me if there was a problem. So we are still deciding if he is ready. It's a personal thing. I'd be less inclined if I wasn't in the house to deal with any problems that arise to be honest. It might also depend if there are neighbours / friends on the route you can trust to help them if there was a problem / keep an eye.

In terms of school phoning you if she didn't arrive, yes they would but our school are very clear on some days that might not happen until mid morning if busy.

My DC were expected to walk to school alone when they were 5, so I don't see an issue really. However, I think it depends on your DD. Is she happy to walk to school alone? Personally, I think I'd be relaxing his after school duties first as it's pretty miserable to be alone in the dark mornings. At 9 she should be ok alone at home for an hour by herself. Maybe not every day but start with once a week so DS can meet with his friends after school? If you offer him this, he might be less reluctant to keep walking DD to school?

Year 5 is the perfect time to start doing this. I can’t believe the hysteria on here at times. How often do you hear of a child being dragged off the street on the way to school?

Dd9 used to walk DS6 home from school and cross two busy roads.