Walking to school alone - advice please

[chickensarnie]

DD is 9 (early may baby)

DS is 15 and usually takes her to school but lately has been making my life a misery because he doesn't want to. Even though it's the same road as his own school!

I can’t change my work hours, I commute so I leave at 740. I don't have any family or friends who can help.

AIBU to let DD walk alone? She's not allowed a phone at school which is my only worry, how would I know she got there?

It's 2 streets away, no main roads. Takes less than 5 mins to get to school. Theres a pelican crossing to cross the road, which she knows how to use. It's not a main road but it can get busy.

I think it's fine but I'm worried school will say it's not.

It's a village not a city if that makes a difference.

My only worry is how would I know she got there safe?

This! ⬆️ x

I would allow this if she is sensible

Mine walked to school at 9. 2 roads to cross with zebras. Lots of other children did the same.

Where about are you?
I find this really crap actually. The school have no way of knowing if they have been picked up ok or tried to walk home / find someone. All it takes is one unfortunate incident and that school will be clamped down like nothing else trust me.
Our primary here let kids in the gate and walk through the playground into school without anyone checking who was bringing them in. One day a 6 or 7 year old realised they forgot their packed lunch and walked back out trying to find their mum. Mum had gone and so the child tried to walk back home across roads etc. No one noticed because it’s not until calling the register at 9am that any abscence is noticed and even then everyone assumes they are ill. So it’s not until the office checks with messages left and then rings the parents (who hopefully hear the phone and pick up first try) that anyone would realise that child is not there. This would be around 9:20 by this point. Child was dropped off at 8:40.
Child was found eventually by another parent wandering around the streets and all was ok but it could have been different.
Since then you can bet that the school has two teachers on the gate every morning checking kids arnt going back out. One teacher to answer questions / queries from parents and one to solely check kids.

OP if the child is in y5 then they could walk alone if they were road safety aware and sensible / generally aware of surroundings, but I wouldn’t be happy with not knowing if they had arrived and would want a quick thumbs up. It would be at least 1/2 hr-1 hr before the school noticed their absence and that would worrry me.

Also, there is no way I would leave a 9 year old in the house alone to get ready and let herself out to school in the morning. Someone needs to be there for her to make sure she’s ready and leaving on time and shut the front door properly. I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave my 9 year old alone from 7:20am- it’s just sad as much as anythjng.
Would she have to come home to an empty house too?

What am I on about? Exactly what I said previously which you seem to have understood in full but just don't like.

Yes the kids have been let out to meet parents. Perhaps you should take this up with the DfE if you are concerned over it.

It does sound awful. Thankfully not normal practice or safe. If you give details of what school or local authority this is I'm sure someone would happily flag up concerns. 👍

You can do it. I'm fine with the policy.

I think we've gone far to far the wrong way tbh.

I don’t think either are wrong.

I wouldn’t personally do it. I think there is a difference between the probability of something happening (abduction is rare but it would be misleading to claim it has never happened and most of these sorts of crimes are opportunistic in nature.) The probability is low but the risk factor is high, in other words.

But that doesn’t make it wrong and it doesn’t mean parents who do make this choice are irresponsible or (worse) don’t care if their child is run over or something.

I think your expectations of your 15 year old are too much if he’s doing after school care every day plus the morning. I can see why he’s rallying against that. Could you compromise and put the 9yo in wrap around a few evenings a weeks so your older one has more flexibility. He might then be more willing to do the mornings.

You’re the parent and DS the child so you need to be the one in control here and insist he walks with her. It’s no hassle for him walking alongside his sister to ensure she is safe. I’d let her walk alone in year 6.

I think the 9 year old should be in aftershock care. What if he wants to do something after school or meet friends? It isn't fair

My boy has been cycling to school since the February of year 5, which is 9yo. We got him a bike for Christmas that year and he cycled from February onwards, once he had got used to the bike. If he had owned a bike from when he started year 5, I would have let him then but it is a little far to walk.
I myself walked independently from year 3.
TBH I was actually just about to make a thread about this sort of thing when I saw yours. In other European countries it's the norm for all kids to walk to school independently and is in fact frowned upon for parents to take them. That used to be the norm here and I'm not sure what happened. School traffic and parking is horrendous and kids walking independently or in groups with other kids could solve a hell of a lot of issues. I'm all for it.
I would let her walk the two streets independently or get her a bike. Two streets is nothing.

I'm liking the sound of aftershock care! It sounds much better than the local after school club which only lets the kids read.

Our school allows kids to walk to and from school from year 5. My dd has been taking herself there and back since then. I think it’s absolutely fine. I was walking a 20 minute walk to and from school from year 5. We mollycoddle kids too much these days. If she doesn’t get there the school will inform you

Couldn't agree more.

What happened was 100’s and 100’s more cars on residential roads.
Cars go faster and not electric cars mean they can’t be heard either. Thousands of delivery vans that wernt there 20 years ago. And they are not often slow or careful either.
Look up a photo of a typical suburban residential street from the 80’s. It’s really quite an eye opener as to how many fewer cars are there.
So many kids get hit on bikes by cars each year and many walking it’s frightening.

OP lives in a village. Her child doesn't need to cross a main road.

The shift has been more to do with parents not wanting to walk to school because they all have cars and then the kids never having learnt that skill from a very early age.

Also, I believe they also have cars in the rest of Europe and the increase in cars has also happened in the rest of Europe.

We can't even blame the weather if you consider it's typical of kids age 6 to walk by themselves in Norway.

It's because parents in the UK have become more lazy and this has then set up the kids to follow that.

I don’t think it’s laziness; the opposite surely.

Where I live, lower school ends at Year 4. At the start of Year 5 almost all kids walk to Middle School. So it wouldn't bother me on the slightest

Yes absolutely fine, DS walked home at this age and for all those saying no. Schools here allow is as not long ago we where a middle school area and when they started middle school they make their way to school and home on their own so Schools actually allow them to go home in year 4 on their own with parents permission. As middle school starts in year 5.

We aren't now but most parents still feel it's absolutely fine for year 5&6's to make their own way to school and back as that's what they did. So you don't see many of them being picked up unless they have younger siblings, even then it's not cool.

I did get DS a Nokia brick phone so he could ring if need be. Either me or his sister, sometimes his sister would walk past school and pick him up, but he didn't think that was cool either. 😒 It wasn't on her way to school so she couldn't really drop him off.

Personally, I would be fine with this. I would prefer her to walk alone than with a friend, though, although either is OK.

Completely agree.

I'm often flabbergasted by the vast cultural difference with England on this.

Funny how 'other countries....' Is always trotted out as an argument when it's something MN approves of, but ignored when MN disapproves.

Some horrible remarks about the ds here. Maybe it's just that he knows children at his sister's school walk alone from Y5 and, not unreasonably, doesn't see why she can't do the same.

Not surprising there's an epidemic of anxiety among children and young people, when (some of) their parents seem determined to teach them the world is such a dangerous place.