Walking to school alone - advice please

[chickensarnie]

DD is 9 (early may baby)

DS is 15 and usually takes her to school but lately has been making my life a misery because he doesn't want to. Even though it's the same road as his own school!

I can’t change my work hours, I commute so I leave at 740. I don't have any family or friends who can help.

AIBU to let DD walk alone? She's not allowed a phone at school which is my only worry, how would I know she got there?

It's 2 streets away, no main roads. Takes less than 5 mins to get to school. Theres a pelican crossing to cross the road, which she knows how to use. It's not a main road but it can get busy.

I think it's fine but I'm worried school will say it's not.

It's a village not a city if that makes a difference.

My only worry is how would I know she got there safe?

Ideal solution is DS sort his shitty and unhelpful attitude out and help you by continuing to drop his sister.

At 15 surely he should be able to understand that he needs to do this for her personal safety / security reasons and to allow you to work. I'd actually be fucked off at the older DC for causing this unnecessary issue.

I won't be letting my Y5 walk to or from school until summer term (and even then I still drop and collect a younger child so I'll be able to know she's arrived safely)

By the time they are 11 and going to High School they need to be organising themselves and their work. As well as walking/taking public transport to school.

This is also why many schools have school residential trips because its about this process of encouraging the development of these type life skills. We've all seen the issue of children not being toilet trained by the time of school well publicised - the number of children is increasing. It is to do with parenting not special needs. One of my friends is a yr6 teacher and she says the number of parents who say 'Dorothy can't / won't do x' but away from the influence of Mum, its very different. Dorothy surrounded by positive reinforcement is throwing herself off zip lines and eating food she wouldn't normally precisely because Mum isn't there to reinforce the anxiety.

Parents are not taking the lead on encouraging independence and taking on responsibility in the way they really should be. Theres loads of parents actively holding their children back.

Its actually really sad to see.

Jeez, he should be ashamed of himself

I cycled with my 7 year old on the first day of term. A route we had cycled or walked together for years (since his preschool is very close to his primary school). As always, he went in front and I followed. I used to give him instructions when he was 4/5. He doesn't need it anymore.

Because we'd put that groundwork in, he knows it like the back of his hand. He knows where to cross. He knows how to use the lights - and he knows to check just in case because we can't always trust the lights. I could see with my own eyes that he didn't need me to be there.

The second day of term, as planned, I gave him a hug, wished him a good day, told him I'd be in when he got home and sent him off. And did I feel a twinge of nerves? Of course I did, my heart was in my mouth as I watched him round the corner. But he came home happy and proud of himself as I knew he would. I wouldn't hold him back to make myself feel more comfortable.

@VitaminX

It’s not recommended that children younger than 8 cross roads alone. They can’t judge speed and distance accurately enough.

Thanks, it is recommended where I live and over 90% of his peers also make short journeys independently. All his crossings are on pedestrian lights where dozens of other children are crossing at the same time and he knows how to make sure all the cars have really stopped.

In my country, every year at the end of summer the papers are full of articles about how to prepare your first grader (6 or 7 years old) for travelling to school alone, because they are expected to walk alone. They are taught how and where and when to safely cross (i.e. don't cross until the cars have stopped or there are no cars, that way they don't need to judge speed and distance) and parents are told to practice the route with them in the summer, then let them walk it alone while the parent "spies" on them at some points (I followed behind at a distance with my DD) then let them do it fully alone. I also got a leaflet from the national child protection charity in the summer before my DD started first grade, covering these things and giving advice on children that age staying home alone (another thing that is normal and expected).

ResToothBrush
Because that's what we are actually talking about. Not your experience in the 1960s as a 14 year old and your level of maturity“

I wasn’t 14, I was 6. No need to be so snippy. It happened more than once - on residential streets in SE London with people around - and was very frightening.

Incidentally, ResToothBrush, I was very mature and worldly wise at 6 - I was abused at home as was my mother. It was still frightening on the street.

I can’t find a single incident reported of a flashing having ever occurred in my village. That’s not to say it never will, but I don’t think it’s a risk that needs to be given huge weighting to when deciding whether to allow my children to walk to school.

Or because nobody would bother to report flashing when the police can’t even deal with rape properly.

Either way, it is not proportionate to stop your children doing things that they’re developmentally capable of ‘in case of flashers’.

This thread just highlights how poor people are at assessing risk.

At 15 surely he should be able to understand that he needs to do this for her personal safety / security reasons

Why? Thousands of Yr 5s walk themselves safely to and from school every day. Why is OP's DD at greater risk than all of them? And if she is at greater risk for some reason that OP hasn't mentioned, it's unfair to put the responsibility on a 15 yo.

If your DD is comfortable doing it I think it’s fine in itself and I’m sure the school would let you know if she doesn’t arrive! However whilst I fully understand teen laziness and ‘uncool’ things might be an issue for your son I think I’d have a strong word with him about child and female safety and how he needs to look out for his sister.

I would just tell your son he has to walk her. We have a similar situation here. My daughter has just started secondary and it's a fair walk (30-40 mins) home and she doesn't know the way confidently yet. My son is 14 and has been told he has to walk home with her. He isn't happy about it but it's hard luck I'm afraid.

I'm not in a village but it docent seem to happen around here either, if it did I can guarantee it would be all over FB

As a single parent myself this sounds tough. Have you sat your Son down and explained that he's been selfish?

My school allow Y5 to walk home I think its too soon as the term has only just started and it will be dark nights soon. Although it would take DS around 15mins to walk home nobody from his school would walk the same route as him so it's a worry. Ultimately I do think unless schools on your doorstep the start of Y5 isn't a good idea.

Sorry I forgot to add but remembered after reading your post. You surely need to give your DD a phone OP? You can't expect her to walk with no phone what if there was an emergency? You can't rely on the school if you are willingly letting your child walk alone. Makes no sense.

It does say in the OP:
“She's not allowed a phone at school which is my only worry, how would I know she got there?”

So that is kind of the point of the whole thread.

But people did manage to walk to school just fine before mobile phones became ubiquitous. It wasn’t that many years ago.

For emergencies - she’s 5 mins from school and there will be other people walking and driving the route and houses she can get to much faster than OP will be able to get to her even if she did have a phone.

@Rawbloomers I think in an emergency you would call 999. That's the thing with schools it doesn't make sense so a child is responsible to walk alone but not to have a phone and turn it off during school hours. How old are you? I'm early 30s and a 90s baby so how many decades are you going back? Things most definitely have changed since then.

I think in an emergency you would call 999.

In what circumstances would or should a child call 999 rather than running to school or approaching an adult?

it will be dark nights soon.

She won't be out at night. It will be the middle of the afternoon, and it won't be dark.

Mine walk to school (year 6 and 5) and don’t have phones. I can’t imagine what emergency would befall them on the 500 yard walk, on a route where many other parents and children are walking to school at the same time, that would warrant phoning 999.

I was in primary school in the 70s. Things were a bit different. Crime was a lot higher, for a start.

My own children were in primary in the 2010s and, even though most adults had a phone, most primary school children did not. Lots of them still walked to school.

If there’s an emergency that requires emergency services, why can’t they ask someone nearby to call 999? Why would that be an awful solution?

Saturday 21 December 2024 (GMT)
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Saturday 21 December 2024 (GMT)
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'walk home in the dark'

It's a five minute walk remember.

Most schools round here finish just after 3pm. I don't see it being dark being an issue for most kids, even at the height of midwinter if the lived in Inverness...