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AIBU?

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Original poster

Walking to school alone - advice please

257 replies

chickensarnie · 04/09/2024 21:35

DD is 9 (early may baby)

DS is 15 and usually takes her to school but lately has been making my life a misery because he doesn't want to. Even though it's the same road as his own school!

I can’t change my work hours, I commute so I leave at 740. I don't have any family or friends who can help.

AIBU to let DD walk alone? She's not allowed a phone at school which is my only worry, how would I know she got there?

It's 2 streets away, no main roads. Takes less than 5 mins to get to school. Theres a pelican crossing to cross the road, which she knows how to use. It's not a main road but it can get busy.

I think it's fine but I'm worried school will say it's not.

It's a village not a city if that makes a difference.

My only worry is how would I know she got there safe?

OP posts:
Tinybirdie · 04/09/2024 22:51

Scotland here too. Children still being walked to school aged 9 would raise eyebrows here and likely result in teasing from other kids.

mitogoshi · 04/09/2024 22:56

Mine walked at 9&7 together, I had to be at work. School would contact you if they failed to register.

It's normal to walk to school from around 6 in many if not most countries

stichguru · 04/09/2024 23:00

My son started the 5 minute walk to school in year 5 when both of us had to self isolate and he didn't. Never been a problem and I wouldn't expect there to be.

Lourdes12 · 04/09/2024 23:00

I walked to school by myself at age 7 and had my own house key to let myself in after school

MillshakePickle · 04/09/2024 23:07

Dc1 is a similar age and walks to and from school most days. Had to fill in a form at the school, and his teacher and head had to agree that he is sensible enough to walk on his own. It's just under a mile and one busy ish road to cross with a couple of small side streets to go over.

His head and teacher were fine with it. They asked him some questions about safety and some what ifs? And were happy with his response. He doesn't have a phone, but the school will call if he doesn't turn up and we've not called in sick. One of us is home when he gets in. If we do get him a phone as they aren't allowed them. They can have them for the walk and then turn them into the office before register and pick them up on their way out again. Maybe they have a similar policy or wouldn't mind holding her/a phone?

He had asked to be able to walk on his own or with friends for ages before I gave in. If your dc is sensible and confident (not overly), I don't see the problem and can understand why her brother at his age doesn't want to walk with her. It shouldn't fall on him. If you're really unsure, maybe offer ds a tenner a week for doing it? Money is the greatest motivator.

JennySayQuoi · 04/09/2024 23:08

DD walked to school on her own at that age - I thought I had set up for her to walk with the boy three houses down, but found out much later that they separated as soon as they were out of sight! Three streets away, no roads to cross until literally opposite the school, where lots of other families crossing as well. She didn't have a phone, but if she hadn't have arrived the school would have rung. Can you put an airtag in her school bag so you can check she gets there?

Arrivapercy · 04/09/2024 23:09

Yes its fine, year 5s walk where i live. Can she meet a friend or walk with some year 6 kids?

Icouldbringmylittleghettoblaster · 04/09/2024 23:10

My DC are similar ages and my eldest would hate this arrangement every day. Is either breakfast club or after school club available so he is only doing one or the other. He could walk home with his friends some days that way.

Lots of children walk by themselves from year 5 at DCs primary. It does take a bit of getting used to, going to work without having seen them in but my DC love independence. It’s nice to have options though… dark wet winter mornings walking in and won’t be much fun.

Crazycatlady79 · 04/09/2024 23:13

Sounds absolutely fine. Children at my daughters' school can do so from Year 4 (only reason mine won't be is because we live out of catchment - 30 min brisk walk - and my twins are AuDHD.

sangriaandsunshineplease · 04/09/2024 23:15

I think there's a difference between a 9yo walking to school when you are there to say goodbye to them and still in the house and a 9yo letting herself out, shutting the door behind her and going.
I say this as when schools went back in the September after the first Covid lockdown, our school had different times for different bubbles. I had to take 8yo DS to school leaving 10yo DD at home to follow ten minutes later. We then crossed paths on the way home so I always knew she was on time. A friend of hers lived 300yds from us and then they joined more friends on the route so I was never concerned about safety. It was only towards the end of the year when we were going out one weekend and I realised she seemed to be obsessively checking what she had with her and asked her about it that she explained she had learned to do that as, once she left and shut the door, she couldn't get back in so she had to have all of her stuff with her.
That DD is now 14yo, soon to be 15yo and I know she'd hate taking a younger sibling to school, especially if it meant she missed walking to school with her friends. The only exception would be if she was paid to do it as, like all teenagers, her dreamed of outgoings are much greater than her pretty much non-existent income. She has done a lot of jobs around the house this summer in exchange for cash. Could you pay your DS to take her? If he is already doing jobs to earn his pocket money, could you swap one of those jobs for this?

WickerMam · 04/09/2024 23:16

I wouldn't have a problem with walking to school - my DC was one of the last in his class to start walking to/from school at the age of 9.

I wouldn't want them leaving the house without me to see them off though. Maybe that's irrational. But I think they would forget their lunch, leave late, let the cat out - something - to worry them.

If your 15yo would definitely wait until he had set them on the way, then I think that is fine, if they are happy with it.

TransformerZ · 04/09/2024 23:20

Have you asked your son how he would feel if she is hit by a car?
Or, if dragged into a car by some pervert?

If he as such little care for his sister then stop his pocket money, take his phone and game stations away.
If he can't support this mum with a little task like this, when she working so hard to provide.
If he doesn't care about his sister's safety then he's just an enemy to your family.
No good family members like this deserve nothing.

MSLRT · 04/09/2024 23:27

Tell your son to stop being such a selfish little shit and walk her to school. It’s ten minutes out of his day.

carrotcard · 04/09/2024 23:28

TransformerZ · 04/09/2024 23:20

Have you asked your son how he would feel if she is hit by a car?
Or, if dragged into a car by some pervert?

If he as such little care for his sister then stop his pocket money, take his phone and game stations away.
If he can't support this mum with a little task like this, when she working so hard to provide.
If he doesn't care about his sister's safety then he's just an enemy to your family.
No good family members like this deserve nothing.

Have you asked your son how he would feel if she is hit by a car?
Or, if dragged into a car by some pervert?

Maybe that's why he doesn't want the responsibility. It's a lot to put on a kid

Rory17384949 · 04/09/2024 23:32

So she's year 5? My DD has just started year 5 and she's started walking alone this week. Similar set up; 5 minute walk, no busy roads, lots of other kids walking the same way, village. She's sensible and wants to do it so why not.

Widgets · 04/09/2024 23:36

Walking into school on her own or with her brother is one thing, but if you leave at 7:40am who helps her to get ready? uniform, hair style changes last minute (I have a DD age 9 so I know!), breakfast, making sure teeth brushed, check bag / water bottle, grab correct coat / school cardigan, PE kit, money for what ever the school are raising funds for this time, homework… the list goes on!
surely you don’t expect your son to do all of this?

Ducksurprise · 04/09/2024 23:36

I've not rtft but post this often.

School can not stop you. They can not dictate what you see as allowable. They can contact SS but SS will not be interested in what you describe.

StressedQueen · 04/09/2024 23:38

It's slightly sad your 15 year old son doesn't want to do it considering it is such a short walk. Surely she cannot be that irritating to him and if he finds it embarrassing, he shouldn't!

But if there is really no other option, yes. It's two streets and no main roads. As long as you think it is a reasonably safe area, I would allow it. Hopefully your son would be fairly near her anyway?? The best option is for your son to do it though - it is really not that difficult.

Agii · 04/09/2024 23:39

Of course she can walk to schoo! She isn't 5, but 9!

JoyousPinkPeer · 04/09/2024 23:46

Tell son it's not optional. That's parenting (or should be).

JoyousPinkPeer · 04/09/2024 23:48

Ducksurprise · 04/09/2024 23:36

I've not rtft but post this often.

School can not stop you. They can not dictate what you see as allowable. They can contact SS but SS will not be interested in what you describe.

That sounds like good parenting advice ... not!

Zingy123 · 04/09/2024 23:52

It's a lot of responsibility on your son. Looking after her before and after school. I'm not surprised he is fed up.

boredborednot · 04/09/2024 23:54

Agii · 04/09/2024 23:39

Of course she can walk to schoo! She isn't 5, but 9!

This unless she has other needs!

BigGhatt · 04/09/2024 23:56

Get a tracker in her bag. She will be fine, i would

SpringYay · 04/09/2024 23:59

Yep, my son has been doing this for a year, he is 10 later this year. No phone, no problems so far. There's weird thing on here (and in some English schools - we're in Scotland) about letting kids have a bit of independence. It's not safeguarding, it's cotton wool.