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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend should have told me they hadn't bought me a ticket this year?

148 replies

thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 15:59

Me and a group of friends go to an event every year.

It started with me and my closest friend going, and gradually others began coming with us/joining us there until there was a group of around 20 of us.

My friend always bought my ticket for my birthday as it is around the same time.

He buys the ticket for next year's event straight after the event, because it sells out very quickly.

This year he apparently has not.

The reason I know this is his girlfriend has sent me a message saying 'Spiky you might want to get your ticket, I don't know if (friend) has bought you one this year!'

I was busy and said 'Okay I'll ask him' . Few days passes and girlfriend then tagged me on SM in a post regarding the tickets selling out soon.

I have just had another message from her saying 'You have to get your ticket! They'll sell out by the end of the week!'

Anyway,

AIBU to think that, given friend has bought my ticket for the last 17 years, he should've told me he hasn't this year? It's absolutely fine that he hasn't by the way, quite happy to buy my own. AIBU to wonder why HE hasn't contacted me, why she has?

AIBU to wonder why he hasn't (it is definitely, definitely! Not a money issue).
Maybe he's upset with me/doesn't want me to go?

WWYD?

For a long time (about 5 years I think), up until a couple of years ago, I wasn't really enjoying this event any longer, if it is relevant. I told him not to buy me a ticket, I didn't want to go. Friend INSISTED, absolutely devastated that I'd said this and nagged and nagged until I relented. Each year. I did quite enjoy it once there but that's more because I make the most of situations. I have enjoyed it in more recent years.

I wonder if something has changed and he doesn't want me to go any more?

I think I will just msg and ask him. The issue is if he doesn't want me to go/is annoyed with me, I'd rather not go anyway!

OP posts:
AsYouWiiiiiiiiiiiiish · 04/09/2024 16:03

Considering it has become a long standing tradition YANBU to have assumed he had done it this year.

I would take this opportunity to say that you don't fancy it anymore. A blessing in disguise!

I would just say generally to the other friend you're not going and see if he contacts you

Gcsunnyside23 · 04/09/2024 16:07

Do you want to go? If not then just reply to the gf saying you don't mind missing it anyways if he hasn't. If you want to go then buy one. I get why you might be wonder what's changed, is the gf new??

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:08

Not really new ! About 4-5 years.

OP posts:
Wwyd2025 · 04/09/2024 16:10

Maybe he just doesn't want to do presents anymore? Have you spoken to him recently?

CocoPlum · 04/09/2024 16:11

Could it be that it's come up in comversation with the GF who's suggested he needs to tell you, and he's just not done it? This is the kind of thing I would have to nudge my DP to do, he'd say "oh yeah I'll do it soon" and a week later I'll check and ... nothing.

YANBU to think that he would have done it but YABU to have comtinued to go for 5 years without enjoying it and not standing up for yourself!

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:11

Yes, we speak regularly-I rang him about something unrelated a few days ago. And we went to the event together a week or so before that.

OP posts:
Thulpelly · 04/09/2024 16:11

You’re being weird, sorry.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:12

CocoPlum · 04/09/2024 16:11

Could it be that it's come up in comversation with the GF who's suggested he needs to tell you, and he's just not done it? This is the kind of thing I would have to nudge my DP to do, he'd say "oh yeah I'll do it soon" and a week later I'll check and ... nothing.

YANBU to think that he would have done it but YABU to have comtinued to go for 5 years without enjoying it and not standing up for yourself!

I know Sad for some of those years it was because I was the designated driver. Eventually someone else was but he still wanted me to go very much so, and I gave in.

OP posts:
Wwyd2025 · 04/09/2024 16:12

Do you even want to go this year? Maybe he's just not doing presents anymore?

NerrSnerr · 04/09/2024 16:12

Why don't you just ask him? Do you buy him similar gifts or is it just one way?

viques · 04/09/2024 16:14

thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:11

Yes, we speak regularly-I rang him about something unrelated a few days ago. And we went to the event together a week or so before that.

Which might have been a good time to check with him if you had a ticket, just a thought.

stillavid · 04/09/2024 16:15

So you don't really want to go, you don't think friend has bought you a ticket - surely this is a win for you!

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:16

I buy him gifts but I am not as well off as him so I wouldn't say they're of similar value. I am fine with him not buying me it-I think if it was the other way around I'd have most definitely told him. Same if he doesn't want to exchange presents any longer, absolutely fine but I would tell him.

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:17

viques · 04/09/2024 16:14

Which might have been a good time to check with him if you had a ticket, just a thought.

Show quote history

I had absolutely no reason to think anything any different. It wasn't on my mind, it is a year away now.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 04/09/2024 16:17

It's been made clear he hasn't this time, but they still want you to attend. I would say it's generous he's bought it for you for this long, but maybe finances are stretched. It could be him and gf are planning on moving in/ having a kid so it's just not viable.
It's a bit wimpy of him to not say so. He's left his gf kind of dealing with it on his behalf with you which could be telling.
Just get the ticket and go along if you can afford it. I don't think people need to give detailed explanations when withdrawing gifts.

viques · 04/09/2024 16:18

thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:17

I had absolutely no reason to think anything any different. It wasn't on my mind, it is a year away now.

Show quote history

Sorry, I was going by the timetable suggested in your first post where his gf had contacted you recently.

Lengokengo · 04/09/2024 16:18

Sometimes people want to just let things quietly drop. You did before, maybe he does now, it’s just that the gf is a complicating factor.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:19

Lengokengo · 04/09/2024 16:18

Sometimes people want to just let things quietly drop. You did before, maybe he does now, it’s just that the gf is a complicating factor.

Sorry, I don't understand this response-do you mean I wanted to let the event drop, now he wants to let me coming drop?

OP posts:
89redballoons · 04/09/2024 16:21

Have you asked him? That would seem the most straightforward thing to do Confused

Maybe he's got you something else for your birthday, or perhaps all of your friends have got you something together, and he doesn't want to ruin the surprise? Is it a significant birthday maybe?

DeCaray · 04/09/2024 16:22

It will be the girlfriend behind this!

She wants to have joint savings for a wedding house etc and thinks he shouldn't be buying adults presents for their birthday.

I wouldn't say or do anything and just not go.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:25

89redballoons · 04/09/2024 16:21

Have you asked him? That would seem the most straightforward thing to do Confused

Maybe he's got you something else for your birthday, or perhaps all of your friends have got you something together, and he doesn't want to ruin the surprise? Is it a significant birthday maybe?

I am trying to think of a way to ask him without sounding like I am complaining that he hasn't! And I am really not! It IS generous of him and it is fine if he wants to stop the 'tradition' now. I still think he should have mentioned it but fair enough.

How can I ask without sounding like I am approaching it from the point of view that he should have?

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:25

DeCaray · 04/09/2024 16:22

It will be the girlfriend behind this!

She wants to have joint savings for a wedding house etc and thinks he shouldn't be buying adults presents for their birthday.

I wouldn't say or do anything and just not go.

I hadn't thought of that. ...

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:27

If that is the case, again fair enough but they (or at least she) seem to want me to go! So better planning could've worked 'Spiky, I'm sorry but we're trying to save up for a year or so, won't be able to get you a ticket-but please still come!'

Rather than radio silence?

OP posts:
GargoylesofBeelzebub · 04/09/2024 16:27

DeCaray · 04/09/2024 16:22

It will be the girlfriend behind this!

She wants to have joint savings for a wedding house etc and thinks he shouldn't be buying adults presents for their birthday.

I wouldn't say or do anything and just not go.

This would be my take on it too. Hence why she is telling you and not him....

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:27

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 04/09/2024 16:27

This would be my take on it too. Hence why she is telling you and not him....

Show quote history

What do you mean, telling me and not him?

OP posts: