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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend should have told me they hadn't bought me a ticket this year?

148 replies

thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 15:59

Me and a group of friends go to an event every year.

It started with me and my closest friend going, and gradually others began coming with us/joining us there until there was a group of around 20 of us.

My friend always bought my ticket for my birthday as it is around the same time.

He buys the ticket for next year's event straight after the event, because it sells out very quickly.

This year he apparently has not.

The reason I know this is his girlfriend has sent me a message saying 'Spiky you might want to get your ticket, I don't know if (friend) has bought you one this year!'

I was busy and said 'Okay I'll ask him' . Few days passes and girlfriend then tagged me on SM in a post regarding the tickets selling out soon.

I have just had another message from her saying 'You have to get your ticket! They'll sell out by the end of the week!'

Anyway,

AIBU to think that, given friend has bought my ticket for the last 17 years, he should've told me he hasn't this year? It's absolutely fine that he hasn't by the way, quite happy to buy my own. AIBU to wonder why HE hasn't contacted me, why she has?

AIBU to wonder why he hasn't (it is definitely, definitely! Not a money issue).
Maybe he's upset with me/doesn't want me to go?

WWYD?

For a long time (about 5 years I think), up until a couple of years ago, I wasn't really enjoying this event any longer, if it is relevant. I told him not to buy me a ticket, I didn't want to go. Friend INSISTED, absolutely devastated that I'd said this and nagged and nagged until I relented. Each year. I did quite enjoy it once there but that's more because I make the most of situations. I have enjoyed it in more recent years.

I wonder if something has changed and he doesn't want me to go any more?

I think I will just msg and ask him. The issue is if he doesn't want me to go/is annoyed with me, I'd rather not go anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:25

ErickBroch · 04/09/2024 17:18

Exactly this. YABU - why are you pretending like you don't know the outcome? Your friend has done it before but why do they need to continue? The GF is clearly telling you to buy a ticket - it's not a mystery.

IMO you seem to have an issue with the GF - people's priorities and finances change. He has a GF and now doesn't want to buy you a ticket - which I am assuming is not cheap.

Show quote history

I definitely have no issues with her.

OP posts:
NewName24 · 04/09/2024 17:25

I think the vote might be a bit difficult to interpret, as you are sort of asking a few different questions.

To answer your (title) question, of course YANBU {which is why I think the vote is odd with 3/4 saying YABU} as, if anyone is changing a tradition of buying someone a ticket to an event for 17 years which would mean the other person needs to get their own ticket if they want to go, then clearly they ABU not to let the person know that.

The rest of it...... he INBU to not continue buying it (even more so in light of you not having been very enthusiastic for a few years).

If you speak regularly and he is clearly a longstanding good friend, then YABU to not just ask him.

ErickBroch · 04/09/2024 17:26

But you are acting like you don't know the answer when you do. He probably feels awkward about it which is why he hasn't just blurted out that he won't buy you one this year. I'd say take the hint but I really feel like you want a drama over it.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:28

ErickBroch · 04/09/2024 17:18

Exactly this. YABU - why are you pretending like you don't know the outcome? Your friend has done it before but why do they need to continue? The GF is clearly telling you to buy a ticket - it's not a mystery.

IMO you seem to have an issue with the GF - people's priorities and finances change. He has a GF and now doesn't want to buy you a ticket - which I am assuming is not cheap.

Show quote history

They don't need to continue of course. I have said that in the OP and subsequently. I do find it odd that they've not discussed it with me however. He's 'had her' for at least four years (I think closer to five). It hasn't made a difference until now.

I've just been told he might have got me one which is odd after her telling me to buy one.

OP posts:
PenelopePitStrop · 04/09/2024 17:28

I don’t think it can be that he doesn’t want you to go, because in that case his gf wouldn’t be encouraging you to go.

If you want to go…. Buy a ticket.

If you don’t want to go… don’t.

If you buy a ticket just say, next time you speak “got my ticket for xxx, has everyone else got theirs?

If you don’t, say “Haha you haven’t done your usual hard sell on xxx this year so I’m trying out a year off to see how I feel about it”

Then see if he responds about not having bought you a ticket.

Maybe he has bought you a sports car or a holiday in the Maldives instead, as a surprise, but his gf is worried about your ticket.

If you want to go you’d better get on and buy your ticket. Now!

ETA: I've just been told he might have got me one which is odd after her telling me to buy one.

WHO told you that? You just need to call him and ask him.Stop overthinking and act.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:29

ErickBroch · 04/09/2024 17:26

But you are acting like you don't know the answer when you do. He probably feels awkward about it which is why he hasn't just blurted out that he won't buy you one this year. I'd say take the hint but I really feel like you want a drama over it.

Do you mean take the hint and not go?
I am indifferent about going and I don't if he doesnt' want me to of course.

I am going to to call him later.

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:31

Hazeby · 04/09/2024 17:09

People are so determined to make the OP at fault sometimes.

I think you’re perfectly within your rights to wonder why he didn’t just tell you that he wasn’t getting you a ticket this year. There are many ways to word it and he must know that you won’t have been offended, as you’ve been ambivalent about the event in the past. Strange behaviour from him and I think the gf knows it and is trying to help, which is nice of her.

Edited

I definitely wouldn't have been offended at all in the slighest and he knows me well enough to know that, especially as for a time he had to practically beg me to go. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:32

48Hourss · 04/09/2024 16:58

They've informed you, you're overthinking it.

Apparently (perhaps) not.

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:33

EngineEngineNumber9 · 04/09/2024 16:36

Was anything said at this year’s event? I find it odd you didn’t leave each other with any mention of “can’t wait for next year etc”?

Not by me, a few people did but I didn't join in because again I wasn't sure about going. It was nicer for me this year for various mitigating factors. But that's the sort of thing that happens every year and friend wouldn't have said anything about whose tickets he was buying even if I did join in, why would he?

OP posts:
Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:34

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2024 17:09

Oh I would DEFINITELY let him know that his GF has told me he hasn't got me a ticket...

Just in case there are shenanigans afoot and he in fact has, but she's promised it to someone else and now thinks if you get your own ticket, she can say 'oh but look, Thoonerism has her own ticket now so.... '

I really would have never have thought of that

OP posts:
Pomegranatecarnage · 04/09/2024 17:34

I totally get your situation and I would feel exactly the same! I’d be ruminating on it for days.
i hope it’s sorted out now.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:35

PenelopePitStrop · 04/09/2024 17:28

I don’t think it can be that he doesn’t want you to go, because in that case his gf wouldn’t be encouraging you to go.

If you want to go…. Buy a ticket.

If you don’t want to go… don’t.

If you buy a ticket just say, next time you speak “got my ticket for xxx, has everyone else got theirs?

If you don’t, say “Haha you haven’t done your usual hard sell on xxx this year so I’m trying out a year off to see how I feel about it”

Then see if he responds about not having bought you a ticket.

Maybe he has bought you a sports car or a holiday in the Maldives instead, as a surprise, but his gf is worried about your ticket.

If you want to go you’d better get on and buy your ticket. Now!

ETA: I've just been told he might have got me one which is odd after her telling me to buy one.

WHO told you that? You just need to call him and ask him.Stop overthinking and act.

Edited

Sorry, gf did. I am going to ring him later.

OP posts:
MidYearDiary · 04/09/2024 17:36

You're being quite odd, OP. The friend bought you a ticket for an event for 17 years. For five years, up until two years ago, you didn't enjoy the event, and were quite clear about your lack of enjoyment to him, but for some reason went along with his persuasion, let him get you a ticket, and attended the event, anyway, despiee being unenthusiastic. Now you're overthinking why he didn't buy you one this year?

Maybe he just realised it was quite mad buying someone who didn't want to attend an event a ticket, and then persuading them into going, just because they usually made the best of things once they actually got there?

Bluntly, it's irrelevant whether or not he doesn't want you to go -- do you want to go, or want to go enough to buy yourself a ticket? Because if you've only gone to this event annually for a number of years because a friend apparently really wanted you to go, that's a bit weird.

Maybe think less about what someone else might be thinking or wanting, and think more about what you yourself want.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:36

Pomegranatecarnage · 04/09/2024 17:34

I totally get your situation and I would feel exactly the same! I’d be ruminating on it for days.
i hope it’s sorted out now.

Thank you, appreciated.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2024 17:39

thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 16:11

Yes, we speak regularly-I rang him about something unrelated a few days ago. And we went to the event together a week or so before that.

I don't understand how you can apparently be this close but have such poor communication between yourselves.

Just text and say Hey Dave, I see tickets for X are selling out and I need to get mine. Gave you got yours and Jens sorted?

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:40

MidYearDiary · 04/09/2024 17:36

You're being quite odd, OP. The friend bought you a ticket for an event for 17 years. For five years, up until two years ago, you didn't enjoy the event, and were quite clear about your lack of enjoyment to him, but for some reason went along with his persuasion, let him get you a ticket, and attended the event, anyway, despiee being unenthusiastic. Now you're overthinking why he didn't buy you one this year?

Maybe he just realised it was quite mad buying someone who didn't want to attend an event a ticket, and then persuading them into going, just because they usually made the best of things once they actually got there?

Bluntly, it's irrelevant whether or not he doesn't want you to go -- do you want to go, or want to go enough to buy yourself a ticket? Because if you've only gone to this event annually for a number of years because a friend apparently really wanted you to go, that's a bit weird.

Maybe think less about what someone else might be thinking or wanting, and think more about what you yourself want.

Do you mean odd because I went when i didn't really like it? For the first few years, it was because he said he couldn't' enjoy it if he had to drive. Said he'd pay for my ticket and I just had difficulty saying no, felt like a bit of a 'stick in the mud'. For the latter years of that period he just really wanted me to go and seemed so upset. And it wasn't a great hardship!

For the last couple of years I HAVE liked it and have said so, so I am not sure if that's relevant anyway. I mentioned it because it adds to the oddities if he hasn't bought me one-but now, I know that might not even be the case!

Thank you-I am trying to be more assertive lately, for very unrelated reasons.

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 04/09/2024 17:40

OK now the GF is just getting confusing. She thinks he hasn't, now she thinks he has. I think your plan to call him is best. Hope you enjoy it if you go.

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:40

Delphiniumandlupins · 04/09/2024 17:40

OK now the GF is just getting confusing. She thinks he hasn't, now she thinks he has. I think your plan to call him is best. Hope you enjoy it if you go.

Thank you. I will sort it out.

OP posts:
twomanyfrogsinabox · 04/09/2024 17:40

Buy a ticket if you want to go go and if not don't, it's a year away you may or may not want to by then. If the tickets are hard to get you should have no trouble selling yours on if you decide not to go, or if he has bought you one. seems odd you can't just ask him if he's such a good friend, 'about to buy a ticket to x next year, just checking you haven't got me one already.'

Original poster
thoonerismspread · 04/09/2024 17:43

twomanyfrogsinabox · 04/09/2024 17:40

Buy a ticket if you want to go go and if not don't, it's a year away you may or may not want to by then. If the tickets are hard to get you should have no trouble selling yours on if you decide not to go, or if he has bought you one. seems odd you can't just ask him if he's such a good friend, 'about to buy a ticket to x next year, just checking you haven't got me one already.'

That is a good point, I could buy one and sell it. Hadn't thought of that! Head is a bit fuzzy today if I am honest (various reasons including work/hormones).

OP posts:
FuzzyDiva · 04/09/2024 17:44

I wonder if he buys several of them for various people and either he or his girlfriend want someone else to come along who can’t afford their own ticket or has already been promised your ticket?

I’d probably message and say the messages from his girlfriend have confused me you and does he need you to get a ticket for the event.

Beesandhoney123 · 04/09/2024 17:51

Just phone him and ask because you have no idea what's happening re tickets.
No more texting:)

4andup · 04/09/2024 17:58

I hope you get it sorted. It sounds as if he really wants you to go again this year. I would ask to make sure he has bought you a ticket.

RedToothBrush · 04/09/2024 18:03

Don't you think you might be slightly CFy, to have had the expectation that he would just buy it?!

MissUltraViolet · 04/09/2024 18:04

Your main concern is that he (maybe) hasn't got you one because he has randomly decided, despite being good friends for many years, he doesn't want you there. Nothing you have said points to this at all IMO.

If he hasn't it could be for all sorts of reasons, saving for a mortgage/baby/holiday/car etc. Some issues or worries with his job and future.

I'd say the fact that his partner is hassling you to get a ticket before they sell out means that this friend has absolutely no issue with you going, surely he would have told his GF if he felt otherwise.

I think you just need a chat with him, Sounds like communication within your friendship group isn't great. His GF doesn't know what he is doing, you don't, just talk to him.